It’s said that we are our own harshest critics.  But have you ever stopped to consider the cost of being so hard on yourself?
 
Yes, there is a cost, and it’s a steep one.  Unchecked, an inner critic is responsible for actively keeping you from taking healthy risks – the kind of everyday risks that support getting your dream career.
 
I’ll give you an example:  performance evaluations.  These are a great example of how your inner critic can have a field day with your self-esteem (if you let it).  
 
Let’s explore this; what is the most immediate response your brain sends you when considering these questions:

• “What did I do this year of significance?”
• “How does my work make a difference?”
• “When did my work stand-out to others?”
• “Who benefits from my daily work?”

 
If the first thing your brain gave you was objective, considered and measured responses, that is truly worth a celebration (good ice cream for you tonight)!  Seriously, that is a BIG accomplishment.
 
If your brain (like many) gave you crickets - or worse - judgement, then you have an active inner saboteur.  Sadly, this source of sabotage is ground zero for holding you back in your career.  
 
Let me be specific; an inner critic means you may not hold healthy boundaries at work (working way more hours than you need to).  You may not ask (or be thought of) for the interesting work assignments.  You may intentionally stay under the radar with your manager and others who could help your career.  Or (and this one is really soul crushing), you have a great career but are so anxious about your work and delivering that you aren’t enjoying it.
 
It’s time to disarm your inner critic.  Here’s how:

• Listen to your thoughts:  An inner critic gets away with a lot of bull sh*t because this saboteur has been with you for years.  While inner critics can help support reaching higher and trying harder, there is a cliff-like effect to the usefulness of negative feedback.  Go back to the questions I asked earlier and listen to your response; how are you speaking to yourself?  Would you speak this way to anyone else in your life?
• Disrupt the cycle. An inner critic can rise up and beat your brain into submission when you think your work lacks something.  When that loop plays in your head for hours (or days) it creates a pattern your brain is likely to return to and repeat, so the next time you find yourself lacking something you get to revisit all the residual emotions (shame, fear, anxiety) from all your past issues.  Stop this train at the station – dwelling on your perceived flaws CANNOT make you better at what you do (even if your inner critic thinks so). Acknowledging a flaw is only step 1 of a multi-step process – get to step 2, figuring out what you should do the next time you’re faced with the same circumstance/problem.  Step 3 – write down what you learned.  Step 4 – Make a commitment to yourself to action what you’ve learned by doing something different next time. Step 5 - honour your ability to do better (share what you learned with someone).
• Be friendly (to yourself). What would you tell a friend about their work?  It’s so much easier to see objectively when it isn’t your life and work, so pretend this thing your inner critic is hammering on about is happening to a friend – what would you tell them?
• Stop re-fueling it.  An inner critic runs on emotion: strong, uncomfortable emotion.  It’s the fuel it lives on, and the only way to diffuse it is to starve it with reality.  What evidence (not guesswork or assumptions) do you have for thinking that’s what happened (or will happen)?  Go back and walk through the issue with the eye of an impartial witness looking for evidence-based clues that what you’re feeling is justified.  Or have you blown things out of proportion (emotions will do that)?
• Use evidence.  Once you have more objectively looked at what’s bothering you about your work/performance, use that evidence.  Go back and re-write the script.  Take the emotional language out and put the rational, fact-based statements in.  Now how does that feel? 
• What’s the worst that could happen?  If your inner critic is not responding to the steps above, then take the story it’s telling you to its conclusion – if everything you think and feel were true, what would happen?  Your boss asks you to re-work a report, not a big deal.  A colleague gives you constructive feedback.  Ok.  That all shows is they care enough about the work you share, and your potential, to support you getting stronger in what you do.  An inner critic can be such a drama queen, sucking up the spotlight…and missing the point.

 
The truth is inner critics, imposter syndrome, etc. all “ring the catastrophe bell” in our psyches, telling us we are going to be “found out” and “fired”.  It makes preparing for your performance review an emotional process, not an objective or uplifting one.  Have you ever seen anyone get fired at a performance review?  Very few people (VERY FEW) are ever fired for their performance - at any time of the year.  You know this because in your career you likely worked with someone and wondered how they still had a job.

There is someone who can be fired - your inner critic (and you’re the only one who can do it).
 
Don’t let your inner critic hold you back, particularly during a performance evaluation; it’s the worst time to be passive about your career (or hard on yourself).  Listen to what your inner critic has to say, then strip out the catastrophizing, be real about the facts.  Celebrate what you’re learning by writing down answers to performance questions that tell the whole truth about your work this year.  

​AND if no one told you today, you’re amazing and your team is lucky to have you.

It was a heartbreaking story of a performance review gone wrong.  By the time this client reached me she was convinced performance reviews were a rigged process designed to put people down.  

It can feel that way when performance evaluations are done wrong.
 
In her case, she trusted that the process would highlight her strengths as well as any opportunities for development.  That’s not what happened.  Instead, by the time her boss was done talking she felt like she was about to be fired and had nothing to offer her organization.
 
She was speaking to me for career coaching because she wanted to quit and find a different job.
 
This story might be familiar, and if it’s happening to you take heart (and don’t quit until you've read this blog).  While you feel at the mercy of the review process, and your boss’s perspective on your work, you can influence both to ensure you get the performance review you deserve.
 
Here are 6 ways to get a performance evaluation you’ll be proud of:

• Don’t wait until the review.  There is no such thing as a perfect performance review process (although some are better than others).  Work proactively with your manager through your one-on-ones to highlight your achievements at work (yes, get comfortable talking about them).  Not getting one-on-ones?  Book the time in your managers’ calendar at least once a month and send an agenda 24 hours in advance.  Ask for constructive feedback throughout the year.  Making this an everyday conversation instead of an annual one will increase everyone’s comfort level with the topics (achievement and development), reducing the chances of a bad surprise in your annual evaluation.
• Self-assess.  If completing a self-assessment isn’t part of your review process, do one anyway.  Ask for a blank copy of the review form (or find it on-line in your employee portal) and fill it out for yourself, identifying your accomplishments, and opportunities for development throughout the year.  You can submit it to your boss prior to your sit-down which means your manager will see what you’ve been up to all year and that can influence what’s included in their written assessment.  If you don’t want to submit it, just having filled it out for yourself means you can bring up accomplishments that may have been forgotten, as well as new skill development, etc. that you want noted in your performance review.
• List your accomplishments.  Canadian (or any other cultural) “nice” isn’t going to cut it.  You need to be clear on your achievements, and provide evidence.  Did you re-write a process that made things more efficient?  How many minutes does it save over how many times it’s used (you can say it’s an estimate)?  Completed work on competing deadlines with a high degree of quality?  Name it.  No shrinking violets here!  You can still be humble and state exactly why you rocked your job this quarter.
• Know your strengths and weaknesses.  Everyone has them and no one is perfect, so be self-aware and self-identify.  When you help your manager to see all the things you are really good at (and enjoy), you’ll get more opportunity to do them.  When you demonstrate what you learned through your mistakes, and what development you need to move up, your manager has a clear roadmap to support you (and so do you).
• Make the review a conversation.  So many reviews have information flowing one way.  Your role in a performance review is not to shut-up and listen.  It’s to listen, ask questions, bring in your perspective, remind your manager of things they have forgotten (accomplishments, context, etc.).  Any performance review where you are not prepared to advocate for yourself is a bad performance review – but that’s not on your manager alone.
• Don’t close the review without a future.  Sometimes you get a great review, which can be as soul-crushing as a bad review because there is no future; no future development, no ways to level-up, no interesting new challenges.  Even when you have a glowing review, make sure you discuss your future with your manager and what you need to get there – without giving this visibility, and getting your managers attention, support and ideas, you’ll feel stuck.

The truth is performance review processes are at best well-intentioned.  My client and I worked on re-opening her evaluation so she could feel comfortable staying in her role knowing she had a bright future there.  It wasn’t comfortable for her, but with perseverance (and through collaboration with her manager) she was able to shift her evaluation to one that highlighted both her accomplishments, and her opportunities.

Putting yourself in the driver’s seat, not just for the review, but all year long, means you’ll have a better evaluation experience and your career gets the love it (and you) deserve.

Here’s something you didn’t know about me: I am a recovering micromanager.  I love organization and predictability in the things that can be organized and predictable, because there is so much at work that is neither of those things. It was my way of bringing order to chaos.
 
That is not a good reason to be a micromanager. It’s something I worked on early in my leadership career because this is what I learned micromanagement can’t do:

• Make your employees feel safe to voice their expert opinions.  
• Give your employees a consistent sense of belonging on your team.  
• Provide the professional respect they deserve, because the underlying assumptions are that something is going to be missed or done wrong.

 
Micromanagement is a fear-based approach to leadership and everyone who’s ever been a leader has hit this “station” on the “leadership development train” (some disembark and set up camp, others just visit and move on).
 
I mention this in case you have a micromanager in your life, so you can manage up, with insight.  You see, common to all micromanagers is a deep caring about the work, and that’s the insight you need to help get a micromanager to relax their grip on your work.
 
Check out these examples of micromanagement, and what you can do about them:
​

• Triggers.  Micromanagers happen because they care very deeply about something.  Commitment to the client.  Concern about their standing/image at work.  Over-identifying with deadlines and deliveries.  Remember, its fear based, and there is often a pattern to it.  As an example, one of my clients realized her boss (who was a really nice guy) would get freaked out about deliverables after each monthly client call and start getting into everyone’s work (and on everyone’s nerves).  Then after and week or two he would settle down.  When she realized the pattern, she was able to work with him by being open and curious as to what his deepest concerns were after the client calls.  Once he voiced them, she was able to show him how the work she (and others) did addressed those concerns and he went back to being a nice guy to work for.
• Culture.  Some organizations have a culture that incubates micromanagers.  These are often low-trust working environments.  Micromanagers model this style of management for other leaders, normalizing it, and they in turn micromanage their staff.  Another client I had the privilege to work with recognized there was an over-commitment of work creating a low-trust loop:  there is simply too much to get done so some of it didn’t, and the missed deadlines reduced leadership trust in the staff…round and round it went.  My client could see this micromanagement culture existed in the department and not the organization, and worked with me to move to a different department where there was a much healthier culture.
• Trust.  The eye of the micromanagement hurricane is trust.  Because trust is inconsistent (or absent) you need to work on it with your manager.  Understanding what they care about at work, why it’s important to them, can illuminate the tools you have to do this.  A client of mine started his dream job, then his manager left and the one who replaced them was brand new to leadership.  That managers’ lack of confidence (in a fast-paced and dynamic environment) meant they constantly asked for updates.  My client realized what was contributing to this new managers’ concerns and talked to them about it, letting them know he’d send a brief weekly update by e-mail every Wednesday (in addition to their weekly one-on-one on Friday).  It worked, he saw less of his new manager and, over time as this manager relaxed into the position, the weekly e-mail updates weren’t needed.
• Lack of awareness.  When micromanagement has you re-thinking your commitment to the team it’s time for an open and candid conversation with your manager (if you’re already thinking of leaving, what do you have to lose?)  It’s more than possible your manager has no idea they are micromanaging, nor its impact on you. This is a conversation that needs compassion to be front and center; compassion for you and your boss.  One of my client’s decided to give this a try.  She and I worked together on how to approach this difficult conversation and her practice paid off.  She opened by expressing how the lack of trust in her work made her feel (disrespected) and that she constantly felt like her work was never good enough.  This was a big surprise to her boss, who’d never had the intention to make her feel that way.  After more discussion they came to an understanding.  Continued open dialog has shifted this relationship and she is now very happy working for this leader.
• Boundaries. One of the things that feels the most intrusive is the lack of boundaries with micromanagers; they just march in and walk all over your work with their assumptions and demands.  You have a move here, and that is to put boundaries back in place.  In addition to understanding triggers, building trust and awareness you can make the bold move to help your manager better respect boundaries.  One of my colleagues was a master at this; he would clarify the expectations of his work assignments with his micromanaging boss, and establish a frequency to keep his boss in the loop.  He held his boss to these agreements, with patience and compassion: “We agreed the first draft of the report would be in your in-box on Wednesday, and I can confirm it’s on track to meet that deadline.  Is there a reason you’re asking for it today?  Did anything change I should be aware of?”  Said with genuine concern this was often all that was needed to hold their agreed-upon boundaries in place.

 
Communication is key to empowering yourself with a micromanager, as is being clear about what is working for you and what isn’t.  As easy as it is to label, blame and judge a micromanager, that is noise and a distraction from what really needs your attention - open communication.  
 
Following these strategies, with insight and compassion, can keep your sanity at work, while building a better relationship with your boss.  Win/win.

Maybe this has happened to you; you’re producing excellent results at work and yet your boss keeps giving the really interesting assignments to your colleague.
 
What’s up with that?
 
It’s not necessarily anything you’re doing; it could be what you’re NOT doing.  You see, your boss is looking for results, and when they know someone delivers, they often keep sending the work their way.  It means your boss is human and running on habit (we all do it).  It’s up to you to provide them with the option of giving some of the good stuff to you.
 
This means making yourself more visible, which may be something you don’t know how to do well, or feel uncomfortable doing.  Would it help to know there are ways to do this that don’t involve your ego, or tooting your own horn?  Keep reading.
 
There are many compelling reasons why increasing your visibility at work is an important career move for you.  Your colleague (who is getting all the work right now) may be wondering when the rest of the team is going to start pulling their weight (help a team mate out).  Visibility (and the interesting work that comes with it) exposes you to different aspects of the work your team does, which is a great learning opportunity, setting you up for future successes.   You build more credibility and broaden what people know about your expertise when you’re more visible.  With higher visibility you’ll be considered for a more diverse set of work assignments, and that often leads to promotional opportunities.
 
Worth the risk to get more work you’ll love?  Oh yeah.
 
Sitting quietly on the sidelines hoping your boss (or other leaders at your organization) will send something juicy your way does not get this done.  You need to stick your head above the parapet, take a calculated risk, and get out in front.  
 
I promised you ways to do this that don't require bragging or other unsavoury behaviour that won’t align with your values (I got you).  Here are 8 ways to attract more work you’ll love (and still love yourself):

• Contribute in meetings.  Adding your voice through expertise meaningfully during meetings showcases your value-add in helpful ways.  Even if you are echoing the perspective of a team mate, you can do this in a way that allows you to stand out: “I like what Latif said about customer experience being our starting point, it aligns with our corporate objectives.” Of course, you can always stand out all on your own: “Have we considered approaching this from the customer’s point of view?  This is how our competition is finding innovative ways to solve problems, so let’s put it to work for us.”
• Get to know your boss.  Being comfortably visible is possible when you build professional relationships at work, which means getting to know your boss.  You can do this without feeling like a suck-up by expressing genuine curiosity. Do you know why your boss choose their profession?  Why did they come to work for this organization?  What is their approach to managing risk in their role? These are non-personal questions that open the door to getting to know one another better, empowering more empathy and awareness.  Don’t stop at your boss, who else can you get to know better at work?
• Ask.  This one is obvious – ask for the kind of work that interests you.  And yet a surprisingly HUGE number of professionals feel that if their work stands out, they’ll be recognized with cool work without having to ask.  Reality check – your boss is busy – you’ll have to ask to get the work you really want in the beginning.  After you get the ball rolling and showcase your strengths and expertise, more of the good stuff will come.
• Volunteer at work.  Many organizations need employees to serve on internal committees (employee experience, social, health and safety, etc.).  When your boss puts out the call for a volunteer, put your hand up and knock it out of the park.  Being on a committee can get you more air time in team meetings; giving an update once a month on what’s going on, making both the committee work, and you, more visible (while getting more exposure throughout the organization by being on a committee). 
• Invest in yourself.  Many organizations offer learning at work, from on-the-job training to on-line learning, etc.  Take advantage of what’s there, even if it’s not the developmental 3-day workshop you were hoping for.  Coming back to the team to let them know you finished a useful course in the on-line learning portal (and didn’t die of boredom) helps others to see your flexibility and appetite for something more.  Paying for something yourself outside of work?  Share what you are learning and get that investment working for you where you work today.
• Leverage your experience.  Hearing about the problems others are trying to solve is an opportunity when you connect your expertise or experience to it.  “You know we did something similar at my last employer.  I’d be happy to share the lessons we learned with you.”  Offering to share what you’ve learned (rather than what you did …although that gets shared along the way) makes you look helpful rather than boastful.
• Start a group.  You don’t need to wait for your employer to do it, if you see a need, jump in.  It can be anything that gets people excited to meet regularly from a mastermind group to one based on sharing expertise (think center of excellence).  Meeting at lunch, or another off-hours option, can net you more visibility.  You don’t have to chair every meeting, attend yes, but have the role of chair rotate so everyone in the group gets the chance to do it (which still nets you visibility and shows humility).
• Internal networking.  Curiosity is the best way to open doors and get to know others at work without the weirdness.  Start by using the same questions you’re planning to ask your boss.  Get to know others from many different parts of your organization to widening your perspective, gain a deeper understanding of the way things really work at work and sharing in return.  It’s a great investment and nets results that build over time.

 
Attracting the kind of work you love means you know what work that is.  Make a list of the work you do today and enjoy.  List the work you’d like to pass on when the opportunity presents itself and a list of the work you want to do, but haven’t had the chance yet.  This acts as a guiding “north star” for the types of learning experiences, networking connections and other engagements you invest in at work.
 
Plan yourself in and you’ll have more interesting work in no time.

​It’s been a pretty great week.  I’m killing it with my commitments, I’m starting to approach “Mom of the Year” territory and I’ve been effortlessly juggling all the balls. Until one dropped.
 
And a wave of overwhelm engulfed me.
 
If you’re like me, you may be getting tired of the pattern of feeling accomplished and then not feeling accomplished.  So, I’m ending it - and you can too.
 
Overwhelm is defined as “to overcome completely, as with great force or emotion” (Merriam-Webster), but the dictionary was no help in putting my finger on why it happens in the first place.
 
Sitting with the feeling (actually, I took it out for coffee, this kind of spiritual gazing needs caffeine) I came to the realization I get overwhelmed when I deeply care about something or someone (point to Merriam-Webster for being on the nose about the emotion).  I care about the commitments I’ve made to others.  I care about doing right by my family.  I care about making a difference to others in meaningful ways.
 
But why does caring have to mean feeling overwhelmed?
 
As it turns out, it’s an early warning system for when you forgot to care about the most important thing in your life:  yourself.
 
So, here’s how you can stop the cycle, stepping out of overwhelm:

1. Give yourself a break.  I don’t mean a rest; I mean a break (although you can do both at the same time).  You’re a good person, and you care about your work and how it impacts others, so sit quietly for 5 minutes and write down your intentions in taking on what you did. Promised that big report for tomorrow?  Because you knew it was that important.  Committed to your kid’s school charity drive?  Because you want to give back.  Get right into the intentions you had when you committed yourself to this work.  While you’re there, give yourself credibility for seeing what was needed and stepping up.
2. Get real.  You have really good intentions; the emotional part comes in when you can’t deliver on them.  So, the next step is to figure out the barriers to delivering on your good intentions.  Time is a big one (but you may also get stuck on what you need to do… or how to do it); were you realistic in what you committed to?  Be honest with yourself – the only way to dissolve overwhelm is to go through it, which means being honest about what you need to accomplish and realistic on how able you are to do that.
3. Ask for help.  You can still deliver on those good intentions, but to do it you’re going to need help, making sure both the needs of others, and your needs, are met. Slice up your commitments, what pieces can be done by others (yes, your colleague can help you by creating those graphs in PowerPoint – your spouse can drop off the mountain of awesome items you want to donate at the school).  Asking for help is a skill, one that takes practice to do without guilt or shame.  As you make these skillful requests, keep them meaningful by connecting the need you could so clearly see: “Kevin, if I give you the spreadsheet for last quarter’s results, would you be able to format the graphs in PowerPoint for me today?  This report is for the emergency Board meeting tomorrow to help them make decisions about our services.”
4. Breathe.  You’ve got this!  You’re delivering on your intentions.  You’re surrounded by people who care about the same things you care about, and/or care about you.  Asking for what you need is empowering, so step back and take in what you’ve just made possible (for yourself and for others).
5. Nurture.  Tell your inner critic to take a nap; even if you did create a squeeze for someone else, it was reasonable (many hands make light work).  That said, once the overwhelm has passed, do a mental debrief; what would you do differently next time?  Overwhelm is only useful if you let it teach you something, from better time management skills to how capable your family can be.  See the ways you can improve, and you’ll be less and less overwhelmed over time.

 
You don’t get to choose when you get overwhelmed, but you do get to choose what you do about it. Grounding yourself in what matters most can give you the drive to see something through, with the compassion to take care of yourself.  This may include saying “no” to work.  This may mean asking for an extension or adjusting the expectations of others to match the reality of the situation.  Remember, you can always ask for help.
 
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and nothing sucks a cup dry as quickly as being overwhelmed.  Stop overwhelm in its tracks, you now have the steps to keep it from impacting your well-being and your intentions.

I’m tempted to take a social media break.  Most of the time I take in social media with a light-hearted stride, enjoying the pictures of fun events, familiar faces from across the country, hilarious videos, interesting business articles.  But every now and again something I see stops me mid-scroll and makes me wonder if I am good enough.
 
It’s ridiculous, and yet social media can bring on feelings of flaw with the speed of the ultra-violet light that illuminates the app.
 
I shake off these feelings, knowing that “Comparison is the thief of joy” (attributed to Teddy Roosevelt, C.S. Lewis and a few others), but every now and again there is something - the accomplishment of a peer, the success of a former colleague or classmate - that will take up a considerable piece of mental real estate.  In essence, I let my inner critic live rent-free in my head…with a megaphone.
 
I’m truly happy for friends and acquaintances who’ve reached important milestones in their lives and careers, so what’s up with the shame-bath?  It’s a human thing.  Clearly there are unrequited desires in me I wasn’t aware of (or giving enough attention to).  These are the things I’ve discarded because I’m afraid of them, I’m ignoring them, they’re impractical or feel like they’re too far out of a reach for me.  Rather than being flushed out of my system, my soul quietly gathered them up from the discard pile and gave them a home.
 
Comparison then is a “fail safe” for unrealized dreams, making sure you don’t count yourself down, out or label yourself as “not enough” – but it only works if you peel the layers of self-doubt and wade through the feelings of flaw to get to your desires underneath.  It’s worth it; you’ll find those things you can’t let go of because they still have an important role to play in your life and career.
 
Here’s a look at the opportunities comparison can illuminate:

• Judgement to Compassion.  Comparison is often a judgement of yourself, but sometimes you scroll across something that makes you feel superior to others.  See if you can take feelings of superiority and add compassion (for both yourself and others); add something to your list of accomplishments (Look, I am good at creating succinct PowerPoint slides!), while being accepting and compassionate towards someone who may not have mastered these same skills.  If you really want to reap the benefits here, reach out to them to support where they are in their work (“I love the SlideShare you posted, I learned something new!  Thanks so much.”).

• Improve Your Self-regard.  When you compare yourself (or your work) to someone else’s you often/always come up short.  You may need to sit with any feelings of inadequacy that come up (it’ll only feel gut-wrenching for a short time, I promise).  The goal here isn’t to wallow, but to listen to your soul and figure out why something that landed on your “discard pile” (or you didn’t even know was important) is coming up hot for you here.  In spending the time to “peel this onion” you may learn that you really wanted to retire in your 40’s, or have that job title, receive an award for your work, etc.  The next step is to take this nugget and see why it’s important to you (be careful here, you want to relate this back to your needs, not what you want others to see and think of you because you don’t control that).  Tell self-doubt to take a hike while you do this to truly listen to yourself.  You may need to adjust expectations of yourself, make room for a new dream/goal, creating a development plan that incorporates this new understanding of what you want out of your one precious life.  

• Focus on What’s Important.  There are all kids of quick daily comparisons we do as beautiful humans, from evaluating how you’re dressed to how well you… fill in the blank.  Some of these are to ensure you belong and are attending to appropriate social norms.  Check.  But don’t let the day-to-day stuff suck you down the rabbit hole of poor self-esteem.  If you’re worried you’re not doing something well, ask for feedback and put it to bed – life’s hard enough without the little things making all kinds of noise in your head.  Focus on what’s really important – to you. You’ll know it because it comes up hot and from your heart.

 
Listening to yourself is key to doing something constructive with comparison.  This can include talking to someone you trust when you need more perspective or having a strategy for letting a thought go when it is not serving you (I like to visualize it written on a piece of paper and throwing it in the trash…if it comes back, I set it on fire…sounds simple and it works).
 
Social media has evolved over the years, and it’s important to keep in mind individuals post things about their best life and ideals, and corporations post things to make you buy into something (mentally or financially) you probably don't need.  None of it is “real life”, and you need to filter for that (which may include taking a break from the medium).
 
Comparison can be the thief of joy – if you let it.  It can also be the fertile ground from which you explore what you really want out of your life. Beyond the soul-gazing, please also know you have strengths and weaknesses and are evolving and learning (we all are), so be kind to yourself.  Here’s one final visualization for you - popcorn is prepared in the same pot, in the same heat, in the same oil, and yet…  the kernels do not pop at the same time.  Do not compare your career to anyone else’s, we all “pop” when it’s our time.