Can't move forward, can't move back.  Can't settle down where you are...

Stuck is a suffocating experience, like all the air has left the room and you can't catch your breath.  As beautiful human beings we each get stuck from time to time, it's a part of the human condition. 

Start by alleviating that suffocating feeling (because no one thinks clearly when they can't breathe).

Take a big, deep breath - slowly fill up your lungs as full as they can comfortably go (let your belly fill out too).

Then, let your breathe out slowly (over three heartbeats).
 That probably felt good.  Do it again.
And once more, slowly.

Ummmmm....  Does that feel better?

We get stuck for many different reasons...

Whether you are stuck in something personal, work related, of your own doing, or because "stuff happens", stuckness is often felt because something in your life no longer "fits". 

You have outgrown or evolved beyond what is present in your life today, but what you are moving towards may not be clear.

To put it another way, as one door closes, another opens. 

But before that next door opens it can feel like you are in an "air lock".

Put this "space in between" to good use.

Give yourself some dedicated "me" time to consider what it is you want to step away from, and what it is you are stepping towards.  This may take a few minutes (or a few hours) over a few days or a few weeks.

To help, here are four tried and true ways to begin getting yourself "unstuck".

Do nothing...with intention.

Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit and listen to your thoughts.  Your favourite easy chair, under a leafy tree, in the dark, in the morning sun...anything goes.  Sit comfortably (hips and buttocks supported, back comfortably straight, shoulders positioned over hips and relaxed, head balanced, chin level); listen to your breath until it becomes slow and even.

Listen to your thoughts.  They will come and go, what are they telling you?  Are you frustrated?  By what?  Are you telling yourself you are not good enough?  How often?  Are you worried your emotions may spill over?  How does that thinking hold you back?  As you sit here in quiet contemplation, what most deeply matters to you?

Do this for a few minutes each day over a few days (even a few weeks) to connect to what most deeply matters to you to be better able to see what you want to step into.

Do something...with intention.

Get out of your routine, being stuck sometimes means you are in a rut.  Do something new to break up the habitual way you move through your day.  Sit in a different place then you normally would at the dinner table or in meetings.  Try a new type of food you've never eaten before.  Commute to work in a new way (consider taking the bus, or cycle, if you normally drive) or commute via a new route.  Go to an art gallery or museum you've never been to (be curious about the display signs), or see a movie you wouldn't normally choose for yourself (take a friend if you usually go alone and vice versa). 

Changing your perspective can help you to see your own life more clearly.

Talk to someone you trust.

Expressing what you are experiencing to someone you love and trust can take it out of the darkness of your mind and into the light.  The act of sharing what you are feeling/thinking can make it "lighter", but do so with self-compassion and without self-censorship or judgement. 

Find some uninterrupted time together.  Let your loved one know you need them to listen to you without trying to "solve" your problem or come up with options, just ask them to listen and be curious as you express what it is that has you stuck, and to learn what it is you care most deeply about.

Give it time.

Some things need time to unfold.  In our "on demand" world it's easy to slip into the thinking that this process should be immediate, it's not.  This "space in between" is a cocoon, a safe place to contemplate what is meaningful to you, what matters deeply and how you want to bring yourself more purposefully and fully into your life. As uncomfortable as being stuck is, don't rush this.

Failing to give yourself the time and space you need to figure out what has you stuck gives rise to becoming lethargic, ambivalent, feeling overwhelmed, anxious or other strong emotions you may then take steps to avoid.

You are worth this time to be curious and explore what is "next" for you.

Let us say you took your splintered being
by the hand, and led it to the centre of a room:
starlight through the floorboards of the soul.

The patterns of your life
repeat themselves until you listen.
Forgive this. Say now what you have to say.


- from The Art of Fugue by Jan Zwicky