It happened. Again.
Every one of us has triggers; those things that happen and make us feel strong emotions (and not the welcome ones). Triggers are often associated with trauma, but can exist in many circumstances (including at work). A trigger can pop up where you least expect one, which makes it hard to be your best self.
This will help.
This will help.
What triggered you?
Naming your trigger is empowering.
Naming lets you acknowledge what you are feeling, and to do so without self-judgment. You can't help being triggered, no one wants to feel this way. Naming your trigger is the first step.
Your human operating system will have you do three things with a trigger:
THINK. FEEL. ACT.
It looks like this:
Trigger: Needy co-worker heading towards you.
Trigger: Needy co-worker heading towards you.
- Think: "Crap, here comes Sam again, what does he need now? I don't have time to hold his hand through this - he should just know how to do it!"
- Feel: Anger, frustration, judgment.
- Act: Cold, distant, which may even include being short with Sam, or outright refusing to start a conversation; "Look Sam, I don't have time to talk to you right now."
Consider re-sequencing your Think. Feel. Act.
No shame-baths!
This is about having the courage to be honest, with yourself. There is no shame in that (in fact, it's a way to feed your potential). Despite how your trigger sequence may make you feel, you are a good person. You wake up each morning with the intention to be your best self, but along the way life happens. Want to know how to stay your best self when faced with a trigger?
It's simple, re-arrange the sequence from Think. Feel. Act. to:
It's simple, re-arrange the sequence from Think. Feel. Act. to:
Feel. Think. Act.
Putting Feel before Think is all it takes to give yourself options, and it looks like this:
Trigger: Needy co-worker heading towards you.
You get what you need, and Sam has the option of booking time with you later (or seeing if someone else can help him now).
Trigger: Needy co-worker heading towards you.
- Feel: Anger, frustration, judgment (name your feelings)
- Think: "I am not in a place to give Sam the time he needs right now, my own deadlines are freaking me out - I need to focus on my own work."
- Act: Clear AND compassionate "Hi Sam, I would like to help you, but right now I am on a deadline and I can't do your request justice. Please book some time in my calendar later this week so I can give you my full attention."
You get what you need, and Sam has the option of booking time with you later (or seeing if someone else can help him now).
A subtle but helpful shift.
When you acknowledge to yourself how you feel, you are better able to action what you need, while taking into consideration the feelings of the other person. Self-compassion is key because when we give to ourselves first, we have more compassion for others, which is all part of being your best self.
I didn't create Think. Feel. Act. The brilliant minds at Six Seconds (an emotional intelligence company) did. Here is a link to learn more.