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Naming Emotions

Birth of an emotion.

Our emotions are happening constantly.  They are released as electrochemical signals in our brains, and interpreted based on how we perceive the world around us.

While
there are emotions we want to feel (and others we don't) our emotions are neither inherently good nor bad.  They are simply expressing a need.  As an example, vigilance and amazement are two different emotions; the first feeling most of us associate with aggressiveness and the second feeling with awe.  Both are responses to a particular circumstance, so you could think of them as being two sides of one coin.  All our emotions interrelate to each other in this way, which is why emotions are messy and complex (and why an escape room team building event at work will create competitiveness for one person and curiosity in another).

Emotions can also be very nuanced; some emotions are experienced as a mild expression, whereas other emotions can be very intense.  A good example is annoyance; a mild emotion (one we all feel from time to time) whose most intense expression escalates to rage if ignored (annoyance > anger > rage).

(Read more from Six Seconds about our emotions and how we interpret them here)

Emotions are a compass, guiding us to what is most needed in each moment.

Why is naming emotions a life skill?

The purpose of our emotions is to direct our actions.  Being the wonderfully complex creatures we humans are, we need an equally complex navigation system.  Our emotions arise as an expression of need, grabbing our attention and pointing us towards action.  As an example, annoyance (when named) means you can have a thoughtful conversation with your boss about how they often interrupt you in meetings.  Ignore annoyance, and this emotion may intensify to anger, or rage, and the actions you take with intense emotion in play may be less thoughtful (and certainly more stressful). 

By learning how to be more present, you can witness an emotion as it arises, giving you more opportunity to be aware of your emotions, recognizing them, so you can work with them (rather than avoid or ignore them).  This pause, and the connection it provides, gives you options that empower you to work with what you are feeling, rather than reacting to it (response, not reaction).  At work, this is the difference between saying something thoughtful because you are responding to meet your needs: ("I don't know if you realize it, but you interrupted me several times in the meeting today.  I would like to talk about it."), versus a career-limiting move that just explodes because you ignored your feelings and they intensified on you: ("DON'T YOU EVER INTERRUPT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN YOU GIANT EGG-HEAD!").

It is possible to both avoid your feelings, and not scream at your boss.  This is the life skill piece, because your intense emotions need to go somewhere when they don't have an opportunity for expression.  Intense, unexpressed emotion remains inside, creating a stress response (flight or flight) that will impact your well-being (short term, and when perpetual, long-term).  Healthy expression of emotions takes place when you name them, being non-judgmental and compassionate with yourself ("Yes, I am annoyed... I am annoyed that I am annoyed, but it's OK to feel this way...") and you find a skillful way to met your emotional needs.

Naming emotions is the first step towards lessening their intensity (and your stress); it is a practice that nourishes both your self-compassion, and your great potential.


Ignoring emotions compromises who you are and how you show up in the world.  In essence, it breaks your compass, impacting your physical and mental health, your well-being and happiness.

Naming emotions.

Do you remember the "naming emotions" class you took in school?  That's because there wasn't one.

Asking you to name your emotions sounds simple, but it can be challenging because we don't do this, or use this language, everyday.  To support your emotional navigation there is a tool to help you identify, and name, your emotions.  It's called Plutchik's Wheel of Emotion.
Picture
  • Each "petal" represents a primary emotion (anger, anticipation, joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness and disgust).
  • Each primary emotion ranges in intensity, with the lighter section being less intense (the outer part of each petal) and the darker part (the center part) representing the more intense expression.
  • The spaces in between the petals represent inter-mingled emotions (remember, they are all connected).
  • To use the wheel, first take a moment to pause (deep breath), giving yourself the space you need to get in touch with what you are feeling.  Then, see if you can identify which emotion you are experiencing, and it's intensity.
  • Remember, emotions are neither "good" nor "bad", so pay attention to any feelings of shame or self-judgement you may be experiencing as you go thorough this practice.  Never apologize for feeling something.

If you are struggling with the options on Plutchik's Wheel, it's been expanded upon...

Picture

Emotions "move" within us; their intensity evolves and shifts as our emotions are explored and understood.

Navigating emotions.

The primary purpose in naming an emotion is to empower you to "see" it, feel it, and make a determination about what to do with it, because emotion often points to an unmet need (a call to action).  The need to belong, to be safe, or (as in the example with an interrupting boss), the need to be respected (dignity).  When you ignore your needs (or are not in touch with them), your emotions intensify.  When you name your emotions, feel them, and connect to your needs, you can then do something beneficial with your emotions (and they will become less intense).

The next step, after naming your emotion(s), is to identify the need it's expressing so you can work with the emotion (navigating it).  This requires discernment to know the difference between a want and a need.  To continue with our example; you may want your boss to be more polite (something you do not control), but you need your boss to know how interrupting impacts you and the way your work is perceived (something you do control).  The act of acknowledging your emotions alleviates their intensity, allowing you to meet your needs, and do so as your best self.  Acting on your needs, can move an emotion from one you don't enjoy feeling, to one you do: ("I'm glad I let my boss know how it felt to be interrupted, it will happen less often now.").

Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance. 
    
- Deepak Chopra

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  • Work With Carleen
    • About Carleen
    • Career Strategy Session >
      • Get The Most Out Of Your Career Strategy Session
    • Podcasts
    • Coaching Programs >
      • Lead with Impact
      • Career Impact
      • Purpose to Impact
      • Recognize Your Leadership Potential >
        • Welcome to Recognizing Your Leadership Potential
      • Realize Your High Potential
      • The Art of Influence at Work
      • Your Time By Design
      • Assessment
    • Book Me To Speak >
      • Persuasive at Work
      • Workshops That Work >
        • Getting Hybrid Right
        • Leading a Hybrid Team Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Hybrid Setting Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Hybrid Teams Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Virtual Setting Workshop
        • Leading in Ambiguity Workshop
        • Accomplishing Work Through Others Workshop
        • My Values Driven Workplace Workshop
        • Working Successfully From Home Workshop
        • Working Resilience
        • The Many Faces of Unconscious Bias Workshop
        • Building A Culture of Trust Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Workshop
        • Foundational Conversations Workshop
        • Conscious Conversations Workshop
        • Purpose Driven Feedback Workshop
        • Dynamic Team Communication Workshop
    • Awards
  • Client Stories
  • Blog
  • Testimonials
  • Free Resources
    • Summer Serenity Inspiration Guide
    • Working Life Wellbeing Assessment
    • Hidden Habits Holding You Back
    • Secrets to Boost Your Job Security
    • Working Life Serenity
    • Virtual Influence
    • Hello Monday Videos
    • Career Resources
    • Life Practices >
      • I Feel Angry
      • I Feel Stuck
      • I Am Overwhelmed
      • I Need Self-Compassion
      • Emotions At Work
      • Mindfulness
      • Triggers At Work
      • Naming Emotions
      • I Feel Frustrated
    • Balancing Time Workbook
    • Working Life Persona Quiz
    • Career Health Quiz
    • Healthy Boundaries Quiz
  • Referral Partners
  • Connect
  • Subscribe
  • The Career Edit