We are all emotional.
Ever been described as "emotional"? It doesn't sound like a compliment. However, if you are a human being, you are emotional, we all are. Where we differ is in our ability to comfortably feel, and then choose to express, our emotions - sharing them with others.
How do we balance our emotions with our expression when it's important for us to do so (like at work)? Learning more about our emotions is key.
How do we balance our emotions with our expression when it's important for us to do so (like at work)? Learning more about our emotions is key.
Our emotions are happening constantly. They are released as electrochemical signals in our brains, and interpreted based on how we perceive the world around us.
(This is from the organization Six Seconds, experts on the science of our emotions; read more from them on this topic here.)
An emotion is neither "good" nor "bad".
It's true, even though there are emotions we want to feel and others we don't, our emotions are neither inherently good nor bad, they are simply expressing a need. As an example, anticipation and apprehension are two different emotions; the first feeling most of us associate with happiness and the second feeling with fear. Both are responses to something that is known, so you could think of them as being different sides of the same coin. All our emotions interrelate to each other in this way, which is why emotions are messy and complex (and why a "surprise" party at work will create joy for one person and dread in another).
This also explains why understanding a particular emotion you are experiencing requires you to take a moment and feel into it, delving underneath the surface of it to what lies hidden beneath. "Why do I feel this way about surprise parties?" Everyone's answer will be unique.
This also explains why understanding a particular emotion you are experiencing requires you to take a moment and feel into it, delving underneath the surface of it to what lies hidden beneath. "Why do I feel this way about surprise parties?" Everyone's answer will be unique.
(Read more from Six Seconds about our emotions and how we interpret them here)
The purpose of our emotions is to direct our actions.
Being the wonderfully complex creatures we humans are, we need an equally complex navigation system. Our emotions arise as an expression of need, grabbing our attention and pointing us towards action. As an example, fear helps us to respond to a fire alarm by getting up and moving towards the exit, saving our life; joy helps us to celebrate and share good fortune with those around us, strengthening our ties to each other.
Emotions are a compass, guiding us to what is most needed in the moment, whether we welcome that need or not.
Emotions are a compass, guiding us to what is most needed in the moment, whether we welcome that need or not.
Emotions are fleeting.
That electrochemical signal our brains send lasts about six seconds before dispersing. So, emotions are like clouds moving across the sky, coming and going with a fluidity that means no one emotion is more dominate than another, or more permanent. That doesn't mean emotions can't hang out for awhile, but when that happens you are doing something to keep refreshing the signal/emotion. In other words, continuing to feel a particular emotion for a period of time is a either a choice you make, or a circumstance that continues to generate emotion in you (like exiting a building you fear may be on fire). Not a bad thing if you are trying to exit a burning building (something that will hopefully take longer than six seconds because that means you are staying ahead of the fire), but really disruptive if you can't shake the feeling (like feeling shameful for a mistake you made at work).
Our bodies respond faster than our brains.
Emotions create a somatic (body) response before your brain catches up. Weird, as this all starts in the brain, but it serves a very useful purpose; allowing your feet to move before your brain has to consciously tell them to; you may have experienced this in an emergency when several things all happened at once (you heard the fire alarm and next thing you knew you were walking towards the exit).
What this means at work is your body give off signals to others about how you feel long before you may even be aware that you are having an emotional response to something. These signals can be very subtle and unnoticeable to those who don't know you, but for anyone familiar with your usual way of expressing yourself, it may be obvious. As an example, there may have been times at work where you had a visceral response to what was going on and clenched your jaw or fists, leaned in closer to the person who was talking, or expanded your body positioning before you even knew you were mad.
What this means at work is your body give off signals to others about how you feel long before you may even be aware that you are having an emotional response to something. These signals can be very subtle and unnoticeable to those who don't know you, but for anyone familiar with your usual way of expressing yourself, it may be obvious. As an example, there may have been times at work where you had a visceral response to what was going on and clenched your jaw or fists, leaned in closer to the person who was talking, or expanded your body positioning before you even knew you were mad.
It's not enough to understand how our emotions are "born", we need to understand how they effect us because this is what impacts our emotional expression.
Emotional expression happens in two ways.
Emotional expression is either consciously or unconsciously communicated. When you are being intentional in what you want to convey (to yourself or to another person) you will very consciously attend to the many ways you express yourself; body language, facial expression, eye contact, tone of voice, choice of words, etc.
When you are caught off-guard by an emotion you may have an unconscious response, even a reaction, to what you are experiencing. Don't forget the body response you exhibit with emotions is unconscious unless you take the time to learn what your body is subtly trying to telling you in your day-to-day life.
When you are caught off-guard by an emotion you may have an unconscious response, even a reaction, to what you are experiencing. Don't forget the body response you exhibit with emotions is unconscious unless you take the time to learn what your body is subtly trying to telling you in your day-to-day life.
Rational versus emotional.
Some people are very good at controlling their emotional expression, and are considered to be rational or harder to read. Others are very expressive and perceived to be easy to read, even "emotional"; it's a continuum. Within this continuum we each have a unique "baseline" of emotional expression and this is cultivated through our lived experience. As an example, if while growing up the expression of emotions was not welcomed or encouraged in your home, you may have taught yourself how to keep them private through reduced expression (in order to receive approval from a loved one).
There are many factors that support our level of emotional expression (circumstance, up bringing, comfort level, etc.). What is important to remember is everyone has emotions and is an emotional being. No one is immune. It is easy to forget that people with low emotional expression have feelings, and people with high emotional expression are no more "emotional" than those with lower emotional expression, they are simply more comfortable, or more use to, expressing them.
There are many factors that support our level of emotional expression (circumstance, up bringing, comfort level, etc.). What is important to remember is everyone has emotions and is an emotional being. No one is immune. It is easy to forget that people with low emotional expression have feelings, and people with high emotional expression are no more "emotional" than those with lower emotional expression, they are simply more comfortable, or more use to, expressing them.
Balancing our emotions with our expression.
Balance means we understand what is being called for in the moment and can adjust the amount of expression needed (more expression or less expression depending on your unique baseline). We often try to do this using willpower. Relying on willpower to mange emotional expression at work is a game of chance; willpower is a "muscle" and like any other muscle, once it is tired it no longer works effectively, causing imbalance in your emotional expression (at what point in your day that happens depends on how challenging the day is).
When it comes to balancing emotional expression, being proactive means we will be less reactive. So how do we do that?
Spend a few minutes sitting comfortably in silence and listen to what your body and thoughts have to tell you about what is needed. Let your thoughts and feelings come and go in your mind, like clouds moving across a sky. As a feeling comes up, name it and then check in with yourself. Tense neck muscles may mean you are worried about something and need to take some time to attend to it. Having trouble letting go of an argument at work may mean you made an unhealthy compromise you need to re-visit. Make a note and then let the feeling go, allowing you to receive the next one. Sitting quietly for a few minutes every day to explore your emotions, allowing you to listen and understand what it is you need, helps you to attend to what most deeply matters to you, making your emotions less intense, and you less reactive.
The benefits of doing this are immediate (try it and see if you feel more balanced during your day). Doing it every day will help you achieve balance between what you are feeling and what you'd like to express at a particular moment in time.
When it comes to balancing emotional expression, being proactive means we will be less reactive. So how do we do that?
Spend a few minutes sitting comfortably in silence and listen to what your body and thoughts have to tell you about what is needed. Let your thoughts and feelings come and go in your mind, like clouds moving across a sky. As a feeling comes up, name it and then check in with yourself. Tense neck muscles may mean you are worried about something and need to take some time to attend to it. Having trouble letting go of an argument at work may mean you made an unhealthy compromise you need to re-visit. Make a note and then let the feeling go, allowing you to receive the next one. Sitting quietly for a few minutes every day to explore your emotions, allowing you to listen and understand what it is you need, helps you to attend to what most deeply matters to you, making your emotions less intense, and you less reactive.
The benefits of doing this are immediate (try it and see if you feel more balanced during your day). Doing it every day will help you achieve balance between what you are feeling and what you'd like to express at a particular moment in time.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Rumi
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