Self-compassion is the cornerstone of your well-being.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is not.
~ Unknown

As beautiful human beings we often feel emotional pain of one kind or another in our day; shame, hurt, anger, disappointment, apprehension, inadequacy, etc.  How long we suffer with that pain is up to us.

What am I experiencing right now?  How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment without judgement?

Be kind to yourself rather than critical.

You may be quick to judge yourself, entering an emotional "bath" of shame and self-loathing.  This creates more stress, which puts you further away from being able to be your best self. How would you treat a friend who was feeling the way you are?  Would you make her a cup of tea?  Offer him a chance to express how he feels?  Give them a hug?  Of course you would.  Would you admonish this friend?  No, you are a good person, you would not judge a friend and so neither should you judge yourself.  Humans are perfectly imperfect, everyone one of us is beautifully flawed.  Mistakes and mishaps are a normal part of every life.

Learn what you can from your experience, be gentle with yourself.  Accept your flaws with kindness and they will no longer hold you back from being your best self.

Share what you are feeling with someone you trust.

Our instincts tell us to hide away those parts of ourselves we don't feel good about, but that often leads to isolation enabling continued self-judgement and/or the need to "numb out" with TV, food, alcohol, sleep, etc.  Experiencing feelings of inadequacy is something everyone has been through and can appreciate. 

Reach out to a trusted friend or a loved one to share what you are feeling.  Ask them to listen as you name one strong emotion you are experiencing right now, and notice how much lighter it feels to share the load with someone who cares for you.

Perspective-taking helps create options.

Shame and vulnerability are deeply felt, and it can be difficult to find a way through these feelings.  Allowing yourself to better understand the situation you are in, to be curious about it and to see what is in your control (versus what you wish was in your control) is important.  Only through perspective taking and seeing things objectively can you discern what options are available.

This calls for mindful awareness; to see things as they are ("what is") and be able to stay with what you are learning, rather than becoming consumed (briefly or longer term) in over-identifying with strong emotions and letting them influence all that comes next.

You need to feel the pain to find compassion for it.

When you become more intimate with your pain, it can feel like it is getting more intense rather than less.  This is normal, like adding oxygen to a flame.  Just as you cannot put out a flame from the wrong side of a closed door, you cannot alleviate suffering without looking honestly at what you are feeling. In other words, to be able to be compassionate towards what you are experiencing, you first need to let yourself experience it.

Have courage, this increase in emotion will diminish as you apply self-compassion.  Breathe deeply as you move through it and give yourself what you need most, loving kindness.

Self-compassion is the act of offering yourself understanding and kindness, something you deserve each and every day (not just when you are in the midst of suffering).  Doing something kind for yourself every day allows you to become practiced at providing care for your own emotional well-being.

Practice everyday self-kindness.

This can be little things, like sitting quietly to enjoy your first cup of coffee in the morning, or taking the time to moisturize your body after bathing.  It can be a daily walk that is just for you or creating time to be with loved ones and friends.  Whatever kindness is for you, make sure you attend to it for yourself in manageable, meaningful and intentional ways every day.

When you are consistent at taking care of yourself, it's easier to be self-compassionate in the midst of emotional pain, but it takes practice. 

You are worth it.

Celebrate!

There are many things you are good at and there is a lot of hard work you put in to making important things happen.  Sometimes these things are "big" and sometimes these are the little things that keep everything running smoothly.  Celebrate when you've made a difference (big or small).  Celebrate with others when you want to share something you are proud of or grateful for.  Celebrate in ways that truly honour all your gifts, talents and time. 

Small celebrations, like indulging in a special treat, and larger celebrations like a day at the park or a dinner out with friends/family at a favourite restaurant.  Share with others what you are good at, what you are passionate about and what you enjoy most about your work and life.

You make a difference.

Give yourself a lot of hugs (even if it feels awkward).

Wrap your arms around yourself in a loving and gently way.  Awkward?  Maybe, but acting as your own best friend is something to explore.  Feel the tingle on your skin with your touch, the warmth of your own closeness.  Feel the care and devotion you have for who and what you are in this moment (a parent, a child, a spouse, a sibling, a friend...).  If it feels right, rock gently from side to side as you would a loved one.  Appreciate yourself in this moment, an open expression of your self-love, self-esteem, generosity of heart and forgiving spirit.

Hold yourself lovingly for as long as you can before gently moving into the rest of your day.

You are enough just the way you are.

Enough. These few words are enough.
If not these words, this breath.
If not this breath, this sitting here.

This opening to life
we have refused
again and again
until now.

Until now.

- David Whyte