5 Steps to Stop Overwhelm

​It’s been a pretty great week.  I’m killing it with my commitments, I’m starting to approach “Mom of the Year” territory and I’ve been effortlessly juggling all the balls. Until one dropped.
 
And a wave of overwhelm engulfed me.
 
If you’re like me, you may be getting tired of the pattern of feeling accomplished and then not feeling accomplished.  So, I’m ending it - and you can too.
 
Overwhelm is defined as “to overcome completely, as with great force or emotion” (Merriam-Webster), but the dictionary was no help in putting my finger on why it happens in the first place.
 
Sitting with the feeling (actually, I took it out for coffee, this kind of spiritual gazing needs caffeine) I came to the realization I get overwhelmed when I deeply care about something or someone (point to Merriam-Webster for being on the nose about the emotion).  I care about the commitments I’ve made to others.  I care about doing right by my family.  I care about making a difference to others in meaningful ways.
 
But why does caring have to mean feeling overwhelmed?
 
As it turns out, it’s an early warning system for when you forgot to care about the most important thing in your life:  yourself.
 
So, here’s how you can stop the cycle, stepping out of overwhelm:

1. Give yourself a break.  I don’t mean a rest; I mean a break (although you can do both at the same time).  You’re a good person, and you care about your work and how it impacts others, so sit quietly for 5 minutes and write down your intentions in taking on what you did. Promised that big report for tomorrow?  Because you knew it was that important.  Committed to your kid’s school charity drive?  Because you want to give back.  Get right into the intentions you had when you committed yourself to this work.  While you’re there, give yourself credibility for seeing what was needed and stepping up.
2. Get real.  You have really good intentions; the emotional part comes in when you can’t deliver on them.  So, the next step is to figure out the barriers to delivering on your good intentions.  Time is a big one (but you may also get stuck on what you need to do… or how to do it); were you realistic in what you committed to?  Be honest with yourself – the only way to dissolve overwhelm is to go through it, which means being honest about what you need to accomplish and realistic on how able you are to do that.
3. Ask for help.  You can still deliver on those good intentions, but to do it you’re going to need help, making sure both the needs of others, and your needs, are met. Slice up your commitments, what pieces can be done by others (yes, your colleague can help you by creating those graphs in PowerPoint – your spouse can drop off the mountain of awesome items you want to donate at the school).  Asking for help is a skill, one that takes practice to do without guilt or shame.  As you make these skillful requests, keep them meaningful by connecting the need you could so clearly see: “Kevin, if I give you the spreadsheet for last quarter’s results, would you be able to format the graphs in PowerPoint for me today?  This report is for the emergency Board meeting tomorrow to help them make decisions about our services.”
4. Breathe.  You’ve got this!  You’re delivering on your intentions.  You’re surrounded by people who care about the same things you care about, and/or care about you.  Asking for what you need is empowering, so step back and take in what you’ve just made possible (for yourself and for others).
5. Nurture.  Tell your inner critic to take a nap; even if you did create a squeeze for someone else, it was reasonable (many hands make light work).  That said, once the overwhelm has passed, do a mental debrief; what would you do differently next time?  Overwhelm is only useful if you let it teach you something, from better time management skills to how capable your family can be.  See the ways you can improve, and you’ll be less and less overwhelmed over time.

 
You don’t get to choose when you get overwhelmed, but you do get to choose what you do about it. Grounding yourself in what matters most can give you the drive to see something through, with the compassion to take care of yourself.  This may include saying “no” to work.  This may mean asking for an extension or adjusting the expectations of others to match the reality of the situation.  Remember, you can always ask for help.
 
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and nothing sucks a cup dry as quickly as being overwhelmed.  Stop overwhelm in its tracks, you now have the steps to keep it from impacting your well-being and your intentions.

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