 It’s January 3rd and already my resolution to make adjustments to how I want to be in this new year are in tatters. There’s an awful lot of “I don’t wanna!”, “You can’t make me!” and “Do I have to?” going on in my head. My inner toddler has come out to protest my rigid approach to resolution. I’ve made it a very black and white thing and that’s backfiring on me. Spectacularly. Resolutions can set you up to fail, especially if they are all about the things you want to fix. So, where does that leave your New Year’s resolutions? On a very tricky path, with no support rail, unless you choose to build that for yourself first – which is what I’m going to explore here. Some light on this path to start off would be great, as things get dark and murky quite quickly here in the “new”. It feels rewarding to be open to resolutions that are different, fresh, altruistic and being open is an accomplishment to be celebrated. Looking deeply into what you want (and don’t want) is daunting, so when you come out with a realization that there is something you feel compelled to tackle, it is a very empowering thing. It’s heady stuff, you can get carried away (and get in your own way). There is much research around how good you feel when you make a decision to action a positive change (regardless of what it is). To work less. To eat better. Buying a gym membership (because <ahem> putting it on the credit card shows "real" commitment). All those good feelings may in fact make you feel so good you ride those for a while and don’t do the thing you said you would do… crashing down to reality with shame, self-loathing and a deepening sense (via a non-refundable, unbreakable, one-year contract) of debt - both morale and financial. The New Year’s resolution hang-over. So, back to the light. Start to make resolutions from where you are, with the assumption you are perfect the way you are right now. I’m doing this by consulting my Sweary Affirmation Cards, and there’s one that says “My future is a golden, sparkly explosion of f*cking awesomeness”. OK. I can get on board with that. How about you? You are valued, valuable and worthy. You are human, so you are imperfectly perfect, which is really a thing (you sparkly explosion of awesomeness). You won’t get very far with resolutions by only recognizing your flaws; you end up in “fix it” mode, where there is no compassion, only urgency (quick, get on that flaw and fix it before your resolve collapses…). Yuck, ugh, blech… all the words that sound out how terrible that feels and how bad it is for your well-being. It’s the third day of the New Year and I have shifted my resolution. I am going to be compassionately honest with myself – it’s simple, but not easy (and starts by owning my awesomeness). Only when you’re willing to compassionately and consistently look at your whole self will you be in a position to leverage your strengths, building resolutions that do not set you up for a fall. When you work with honesty and compassion there is no support rail needed, it’s already there. Start with compassion, because only then will you be able to move into something new. Give yourself the gift of a great 2023 |
| The Career Edit is a self-directed coaching program that helps you get clear on what you want to do with your amazing skills (and what you don’t). It’s an important process, because while it may feel like you’re powerless at work, TWO KEY THINGS ARE ALWAYS IN YOUR CONTROL:
This is not a radical “quit your job” approach. The Career Edit is a thoughtful series of self-directed exercises to help you spend your one precious and amazing life doing something meaningful. To you. |  |
VALUED AT $295 IT’S ON SALE FOR JUST $35.
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I have been making some very deliberate changes to my life lately. I’m stripping out the things that aren’t working for me anymore and trying to be open to new things.
Like looking at e-mails after hours. It’s been a work-in-progress, but I’m now in a place where I can leave my work e-mail alone in the evenings. I’ve had to figure out what works for me, because like many dedicated and passionate professionals I am committed to what I do for a living AND WHO I DO IT FOR. So, it’s never easy to stay out of the “rabbit hole” of e-mail, but there have been some amazing benefits to getting consistent with dis-connecting from work on evenings and weekends.
The first being that I am now (after 3 years of trial and error) practicing what I preach about e-mail and the role it plays in work/life balance. If changing your work e-mail habit is something that resonates for you, just know it’s a process. One that requires you to be really compassionate with yourself. When I see that little red notification dot on my phone in the evenings (waving a red flag at my “be of service” bull) I immediately want to read it. Then I would either respond far too quickly to it (often with spelling errors or missing the main point completely), or I would get up and move to my lap top to give a thoughtful response, and stop whatever family or relaxing thing I was doing. Now, I tell myself it’s thoughtful to want to be so responsive, but waiting until tomorrow is the best thing for me AND the recipient.
I’m also giving myself permission to do things that have zero productive value outside of work. In the past even my hobbies had to have some practical use. It was a way to “back-door” a habit that kept the pressure on; finding a way to keep my productivity muscle in action outside of work so I was at no risk of having to “gear it up” to go back to work (especially on Mondays). One of my fears was if I completely relaxed I would never be able to re-gain peak productivity at work again (or it would take a long time to get there, with a career cost to go with it). And it was exhausting. No, it was harmful. I stopped all my hobbies because they had become punishing, not relaxing, and then I was at higher risk of burning out because I had no “shut off valve”. It’s taken some time, and a lot of re-framing, but now I have a hobby that doesn’t need to produce anything useful, and it is the restorative habit I needed to shut down all the open mental tabs that need to be closed to allow my energy to re-charge away from work.
I’m making some changes in my business too. Having more energy means I’m able to do things that are more vulnerable for me in my work, like posting videos. I was avoiding it completely, happy to post my writing, but not my face. And yet you have all responded beautifully to my perfectly imperfect reels and Tik Toc’s, reminding me that when I show up in a compassionate way, even a 34 second video can make a difference to someone. I’ve also introduced different coaching formats, a 90-minute coaching intensive (which is an intimidating format for a coach) and a self-directed coaching program (The Career Edit). Both of these have been beautifully received. And I’ll keep working with coaching program formats and tools (like video) to find the balance that makes career coaching accessible for you.
How about you? As you look back over this past year, what changes have you been working on that make a difference to your well-being? Anything counts, because whatever gives you a healthier life improves the lives of everyone you love and work with (true story).
My journey into stripping out the harmful habits that got baked into my way of being at work continues. I’m open to the reality that this is a journey that may never be complete, but is exactly what a frustrated world needs right now as we all contemplate our relationship to work and the role it plays in our wellbeing.
I hope this past year has been good to you too and I look forward to continuing to share what I’m learning. AND to apply what I learn from all of my amazing clients, finding new ways to support you in creating a work life you can love.
Happy Holidays,
Carleen
Like looking at e-mails after hours. It’s been a work-in-progress, but I’m now in a place where I can leave my work e-mail alone in the evenings. I’ve had to figure out what works for me, because like many dedicated and passionate professionals I am committed to what I do for a living AND WHO I DO IT FOR. So, it’s never easy to stay out of the “rabbit hole” of e-mail, but there have been some amazing benefits to getting consistent with dis-connecting from work on evenings and weekends.
The first being that I am now (after 3 years of trial and error) practicing what I preach about e-mail and the role it plays in work/life balance. If changing your work e-mail habit is something that resonates for you, just know it’s a process. One that requires you to be really compassionate with yourself. When I see that little red notification dot on my phone in the evenings (waving a red flag at my “be of service” bull) I immediately want to read it. Then I would either respond far too quickly to it (often with spelling errors or missing the main point completely), or I would get up and move to my lap top to give a thoughtful response, and stop whatever family or relaxing thing I was doing. Now, I tell myself it’s thoughtful to want to be so responsive, but waiting until tomorrow is the best thing for me AND the recipient.
I’m also giving myself permission to do things that have zero productive value outside of work. In the past even my hobbies had to have some practical use. It was a way to “back-door” a habit that kept the pressure on; finding a way to keep my productivity muscle in action outside of work so I was at no risk of having to “gear it up” to go back to work (especially on Mondays). One of my fears was if I completely relaxed I would never be able to re-gain peak productivity at work again (or it would take a long time to get there, with a career cost to go with it). And it was exhausting. No, it was harmful. I stopped all my hobbies because they had become punishing, not relaxing, and then I was at higher risk of burning out because I had no “shut off valve”. It’s taken some time, and a lot of re-framing, but now I have a hobby that doesn’t need to produce anything useful, and it is the restorative habit I needed to shut down all the open mental tabs that need to be closed to allow my energy to re-charge away from work.
I’m making some changes in my business too. Having more energy means I’m able to do things that are more vulnerable for me in my work, like posting videos. I was avoiding it completely, happy to post my writing, but not my face. And yet you have all responded beautifully to my perfectly imperfect reels and Tik Toc’s, reminding me that when I show up in a compassionate way, even a 34 second video can make a difference to someone. I’ve also introduced different coaching formats, a 90-minute coaching intensive (which is an intimidating format for a coach) and a self-directed coaching program (The Career Edit). Both of these have been beautifully received. And I’ll keep working with coaching program formats and tools (like video) to find the balance that makes career coaching accessible for you.
How about you? As you look back over this past year, what changes have you been working on that make a difference to your well-being? Anything counts, because whatever gives you a healthier life improves the lives of everyone you love and work with (true story).
My journey into stripping out the harmful habits that got baked into my way of being at work continues. I’m open to the reality that this is a journey that may never be complete, but is exactly what a frustrated world needs right now as we all contemplate our relationship to work and the role it plays in our wellbeing.
I hope this past year has been good to you too and I look forward to continuing to share what I’m learning. AND to apply what I learn from all of my amazing clients, finding new ways to support you in creating a work life you can love.
Happy Holidays,
Carleen
Give yourself the gift of a great 2023
(at a VERY budget-friendly price).
| The Career Edit is a self-directed coaching program that helps you get clear on what you want to do with your amazing skills (and what you don’t). It’s an important process, because while it may feel like you’re powerless at work, TWO KEY THINGS ARE ALWAYS IN YOUR CONTROL:
This is not a radical “quit your job” approach. The Career Edit is a thoughtful series of self-directed exercises to help you spend your one precious and amazing life doing something meaningful. To you. |  |
VALUED AT $295 IT’S ON SALE FOR JUST $35.
Frustration is one of those feelings that comes sharply, then lingers. It may take up mental real estate or drain your energy trying to manage the feelings that come with being frustrated by something outside of your control. It can feel even more acute at this time of the year, when you're trying to hold on to the “magic” of the holidays, or create magic for others.
I find the Christmas season makes me more vulnerable towards frustration, in myself or others, through circumstances that get in the way of feeling the holiday spirit “What do you mean exactly when you say this is ‘out of stock’?!”.
Nowhere does this take root more than at work, which can feel like a real sprint to the finish line as the year closes. Getting things finished up for year-end (calendar or fiscal). Working to get your desk and in-box cleared out so you can relax over the extended holiday. Doing a self-review (since year end is often the kick-off to performance review and reflection in many companies). Possibly waiting to see if there is a “bonus” coming, and if there is, is it what you expected? Waiting to hear from management about additional paid time off between Christmas and New Year’s (AKA company-wide shut-down for the holidays)? “What do you mean exactly when you say we’re shutting down but you need me to be ‘available’?!”
And in the midst of all of this personal lives are often just nuts in the dash up to the holidays (sometimes even over the holidays). Trying to find meaningful gifts for people who need nothing more than your time and attention (which is in limited supply…) creates frustration. Often feeling like you do not have the time or capacity to really do the holiday’s justice, and by now (mid-December) you're on the path to just getting through to the big day; “What do you mean exactly by ‘Your brother needs to bring his wife’s family along for dinner too on Christmas Day or they can’t come’?!”
As tempting as it is to just put your head down and plow through, intuitively you know that puts the enjoyment of this season even further from your reach. So, here are a few tips to get you to the holiday break before your holiday spirit is broken.
Celebrate the season by being present for every moment, and you'll experience the magic…because you are the magic.
“You are a gift. Open up, be present.” ~ Unknown
I find the Christmas season makes me more vulnerable towards frustration, in myself or others, through circumstances that get in the way of feeling the holiday spirit “What do you mean exactly when you say this is ‘out of stock’?!”.
Nowhere does this take root more than at work, which can feel like a real sprint to the finish line as the year closes. Getting things finished up for year-end (calendar or fiscal). Working to get your desk and in-box cleared out so you can relax over the extended holiday. Doing a self-review (since year end is often the kick-off to performance review and reflection in many companies). Possibly waiting to see if there is a “bonus” coming, and if there is, is it what you expected? Waiting to hear from management about additional paid time off between Christmas and New Year’s (AKA company-wide shut-down for the holidays)? “What do you mean exactly when you say we’re shutting down but you need me to be ‘available’?!”
And in the midst of all of this personal lives are often just nuts in the dash up to the holidays (sometimes even over the holidays). Trying to find meaningful gifts for people who need nothing more than your time and attention (which is in limited supply…) creates frustration. Often feeling like you do not have the time or capacity to really do the holiday’s justice, and by now (mid-December) you're on the path to just getting through to the big day; “What do you mean exactly by ‘Your brother needs to bring his wife’s family along for dinner too on Christmas Day or they can’t come’?!”
As tempting as it is to just put your head down and plow through, intuitively you know that puts the enjoyment of this season even further from your reach. So, here are a few tips to get you to the holiday break before your holiday spirit is broken.
- Check in on expectations...of yourself. You know you are never going to get to all of it (as you had envisioned it back in October when Christmas was a still a beautiful, shimmering idea), so what can go? No one is really going to notice if you wrapped something in a "special way" (like the videos on social media demonstrate with a tempting ease that defies reality) OR if you put it in a gift bag with hastily "zhuzhed" tissue paper. It’s all going to be recycling on Boxing Day. Those special cookies (or other yummy dishes) you didn't make? Extra calories that won't be missed with all the other things on offer.
- Gentle, firm boundaries. You do not have to bake at the last minute for your kid’s hockey team holiday party (or the office’s) because of the organizer's panic. You do not have to be the one that “saves” the day to make an occasion special. You can be empathetic and still say “no” without justifying why. You are not Santa.
- You are a gift. You are a wonderful spouse, parent, sibling, employee, friend and child. You are enough just as you are, no embellishment needed.
Celebrate the season by being present for every moment, and you'll experience the magic…because you are the magic.
“You are a gift. Open up, be present.” ~ Unknown
| The Career Edit is a self-directed coaching program that helps you get clear on what you want to do with your amazing skills (and what you don’t). It’s an important process, because while it may feel like you’re powerless at work, TWO KEY THINGS ARE ALWAYS IN YOUR CONTROL:
This is not a radical “quit your job” approach. The Career Edit is a thoughtful series of self-directed exercises to help you spend your one precious and amazing life doing something meaningful. To you. |  |
Another way to make your holidays bright? Give the gift of a great 2023 (at a VERY budget-friendly price).
VALUED AT $295 IT’S ON SALE FOR JUST $35.
Standing in my living room, I am completely confounded. I forgot the reason I came into this room. I’m certain it isn’t to watch the dog hair dance with the dust in the sunbeam coming in from the window, but that's what I am doing in this moment, fascinated.
My mental chatter kicks in; three voices all at once. The first is a voice that chastises the condition of my housekeeping ("Just look at all the dog hair!"). Another voice is urging me to remember what I came for ("You're on a deadline, get a move on!"). A third voice marvels at how things, like dog hair and dust, can stay afloat… wondering if there's an air current in the room that holds them aloft… I'm as curious as Calvin from the 80's cartoon strip Calvin & Hobbes ("What happens if I let my mind wander...")
My mental chatter kicks in; three voices all at once. The first is a voice that chastises the condition of my housekeeping ("Just look at all the dog hair!"). Another voice is urging me to remember what I came for ("You're on a deadline, get a move on!"). A third voice marvels at how things, like dog hair and dust, can stay afloat… wondering if there's an air current in the room that holds them aloft… I'm as curious as Calvin from the 80's cartoon strip Calvin & Hobbes ("What happens if I let my mind wander...")
Voice three wins, I pull out my phone to “Google” how dust can travel upwards against gravity. Surprise; my inkling was correct, it’s a warm air current from the floor vent. And then I remember what I came for, and my day continues. Except that because voice three won out, I am a little happier and satisfied. I have a smile on my lips.
Voice three doesn’t always win out, usually it is the loudest voice that gets my attention, cutting through the fugue of competing demands on my time. However, I recognize that constantly scolding myself (and internal mental scolding still counts as scolding) is not a great way to live. Sometimes you just have to rebel…against yourself.
Sometimes you have to take the moment. Even when that moment is not productive or “Instagram-able” (like seeing dust and dog hair), it still has immense value. This brief moment of wonder gives me a feeling of well-being.
Behavioural science backs this up. Allowing your mind to wander is an active brain state that allows you to access illusive insights and make important connections in your work that you might otherwise have missed on the "super highway" of "getting things done".
It has other benefits as well. Later today, it will give me something to talk about at dinner with my family (other than work). I am especially excited to share what I learned with my son, who is also curious and learning about air currents in science. Later this week it will motivate me to dust and to brush the dog (probably not in that order). Most of all, it breaks the rigidity of a demanding day with a moment of inquisitiveness (breaking the hold of hyper-focus, which isn't especially helpful).
Switching pace and focus, even just for a few moments, has so many benefits. Clearly my body was signalling to me that I needed a break. Short-term memory loss (like forgetting why you walked into a room) is often a sign we need to give ourselves a moment to let our brains catch up to where we are. We are not living to work; we are working so we can truly live. Being deeply curious about the world around us is a part of that living.
I am grateful for my ability to stop and enjoy this simple moment. What simple moments are you experiencing today?
Voice three doesn’t always win out, usually it is the loudest voice that gets my attention, cutting through the fugue of competing demands on my time. However, I recognize that constantly scolding myself (and internal mental scolding still counts as scolding) is not a great way to live. Sometimes you just have to rebel…against yourself.
Sometimes you have to take the moment. Even when that moment is not productive or “Instagram-able” (like seeing dust and dog hair), it still has immense value. This brief moment of wonder gives me a feeling of well-being.
Behavioural science backs this up. Allowing your mind to wander is an active brain state that allows you to access illusive insights and make important connections in your work that you might otherwise have missed on the "super highway" of "getting things done".
It has other benefits as well. Later today, it will give me something to talk about at dinner with my family (other than work). I am especially excited to share what I learned with my son, who is also curious and learning about air currents in science. Later this week it will motivate me to dust and to brush the dog (probably not in that order). Most of all, it breaks the rigidity of a demanding day with a moment of inquisitiveness (breaking the hold of hyper-focus, which isn't especially helpful).
Switching pace and focus, even just for a few moments, has so many benefits. Clearly my body was signalling to me that I needed a break. Short-term memory loss (like forgetting why you walked into a room) is often a sign we need to give ourselves a moment to let our brains catch up to where we are. We are not living to work; we are working so we can truly live. Being deeply curious about the world around us is a part of that living.
I am grateful for my ability to stop and enjoy this simple moment. What simple moments are you experiencing today?
| I HAVE SOMETHING NEW PRICED JUST FOR YOU! The Career Edit is a self-directed coaching program that helps you get clear on what you want to do with your amazing skills (and what you don’t). It’s an important process, because while it may feel like you’re powerless at work, TWO KEY THINGS ARE ALWAYS IN YOUR CONTROL:
This is not a radical “quit your job” approach. The Career Edit is a thoughtful series of self-directed exercises to help you spend your one precious and amazing life doing something meaningful. To you. | |
VALUED AT $295 IT’S ON SALE FOR JUST $35 (because a recession shouldn’t get in the way of creating a work life you can love).
You’ve experienced disappointment at work. Disappointment can happen when you least expect it (or want it). Things are going along fine, you feel you have that “balance” thing everyone says is important; work and home life are going well, and whammo. Your organization makes a decision you don't agree with, and impacts you.
Yet you’ve decided to stay with your current employer despite this experience (maybe because you want to, or maybe because you have to, at least for now). You recognize the benefits of staying outweigh this rough patch…and yet you cannot seem to get past that period of time when neither your needs nor your expectations were meet by the organization you trusted. It keeps coming up for you, building resentment, frustration and disappointment, affecting your well-being and getting in the way of being able to trust them again.
No one makes the decision to stay with an employer who has breached some aspect of their trust lightly. It is a decision full of anguish. Once that decision is made what follows is the hope that everything will go back to the way it was before. On this path of hope arise new expectations; acknowledgement from your employer that mistakes were made, there may even be expectations of an apology. This is dangerous territory, because none of those things may be possible. Not that there shouldn’t be apologies and acknowledgments when trust is broken, but this is murky territory where your employer may have no real idea how you were impacted or how you perceived the breech of trust. Thinking “How could they not know?” is not the same as having a clear, compassionate, conversation with your employer about the rough patch, while remaining open to understanding all sides of it (their side may be very different). Your employer may have no idea what you went through.
Or perhaps they do and conversations were had, your manager was aware of your concerns and addressed them…but your manager was not the problem, and as far as you can see you are at risk of being impacted again by something similar because there are no assurances the same set of circumstance will not arise again to create another rough patch. You have a concern with someone outside of your sphere of influence and you have no idea how to resolve these feelings of resentment without coming off, well, resentful. It’s a tough spot to both be in and be productive at work (never mind feeling good about yourself in your work).
Consider owning your truth in all of this, which means figuring out specifically how the impact of this made you feel (“I felt disrespected” is a truth statement giving you something material to discuss; “You disrespected me” is a judgment that will inflame an already emotional situation). Only when you can look at the rough patch with objectivity and compassion is it wise to initiate conversations to explore what went wrong and how to prevent future breeches of trust.
Yet you’ve decided to stay with your current employer despite this experience (maybe because you want to, or maybe because you have to, at least for now). You recognize the benefits of staying outweigh this rough patch…and yet you cannot seem to get past that period of time when neither your needs nor your expectations were meet by the organization you trusted. It keeps coming up for you, building resentment, frustration and disappointment, affecting your well-being and getting in the way of being able to trust them again.
No one makes the decision to stay with an employer who has breached some aspect of their trust lightly. It is a decision full of anguish. Once that decision is made what follows is the hope that everything will go back to the way it was before. On this path of hope arise new expectations; acknowledgement from your employer that mistakes were made, there may even be expectations of an apology. This is dangerous territory, because none of those things may be possible. Not that there shouldn’t be apologies and acknowledgments when trust is broken, but this is murky territory where your employer may have no real idea how you were impacted or how you perceived the breech of trust. Thinking “How could they not know?” is not the same as having a clear, compassionate, conversation with your employer about the rough patch, while remaining open to understanding all sides of it (their side may be very different). Your employer may have no idea what you went through.
Or perhaps they do and conversations were had, your manager was aware of your concerns and addressed them…but your manager was not the problem, and as far as you can see you are at risk of being impacted again by something similar because there are no assurances the same set of circumstance will not arise again to create another rough patch. You have a concern with someone outside of your sphere of influence and you have no idea how to resolve these feelings of resentment without coming off, well, resentful. It’s a tough spot to both be in and be productive at work (never mind feeling good about yourself in your work).
Consider owning your truth in all of this, which means figuring out specifically how the impact of this made you feel (“I felt disrespected” is a truth statement giving you something material to discuss; “You disrespected me” is a judgment that will inflame an already emotional situation). Only when you can look at the rough patch with objectivity and compassion is it wise to initiate conversations to explore what went wrong and how to prevent future breeches of trust.
Working with Carleen I've learned to support my needs first. I was preparing myself to accept the consequences of this at work. Turns out, there were none as both my work and home life have now shown me that when I meet my needs, everything else just falls into place.
| DO YOU KNOW HOW TO RECESSION-PROOF YOUR CAREER? Confidence is a career game-changer. If you’re sick of feeling ignored, passed-over or forgotten at work and want more confidence then coaching is custom made for you. How do you make bold moves and embody confidence (even during a recession)? Let’s talk - you deserve to feel comfortable and confident in your chosen career! |  |