Hopefully you are reading this curled up at home, enjoying the warm glow of the holidays and looking forward to what the New Year will bring.  

New Year’s is often bitter sweet for me; it signals the end of the holiday season (here in North America), and a return to work (with the next break very far off in the distance).  It can be overwhelming to think of all the things I want to change in the next year, and the barrage of suggestions from social media and magazines doesn’t always bring comfort.

So, may I suggest the un-resolution list?  
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• This is the list of things you did that went well last year; decisions you made, new habits you formed, self-care practices, etc.  A list of the things that you enjoyed, felt right, and contributed to your wellness and wholeness last year.  
• This is a powerful list to compose for yourself – it doesn’t have to be long (although if you give yourself a bit of time, a glass of something good and some soft music playing in the background I’ll bet your list grows longer then you thought it could).  
• Once you have it, make a commitment to do more of those things in this New Year.  The un-resolution list is a fabulous way to support yourself going forward, because these are things you already know how to do, and you know they work.  Give yourself permission to enjoy all of the potential your career and life have to offer you.  Work to live, not live to work.

Let’s focus 2022 on wholeness.  In the Working Life Serenity PLUS Facebook Group I’ll be exploring topics from imposter syndrome to building healthy boundaries and career development planning.  Essentially, putting working life needs front and center, so you can focus on actioning your un-resolution list.

Along the way I’ll share valuable FREE resources in the Working Life Serenity PLUS Facebook Group and, of course, weekly blogs allowing us to travel this path together.

​I am honoured and deeply touched by having you on this journey with me.  Happy New Year.

We can lose sight of the big picture when we focus on the things not done.  Deep breath.  It's the little things they will remember.

Lists grow long during times of celebration in our lives. From deadlines at work to meet the calendar year-end, to the long list of things you want to remember for family gatherings and special recognition of the one’s you love.  Quick question; are you making this season about your list, or the people on it?

Can you remember what you received as gifts last year?  Or what food was served on New Year’s Eve?  Likely there are one or two things that stand out from previous year’s celebrations, but they are not likely to be material things.  Social convention can quickly feed into the more material aspects of celebration; the best food, the perfect gifts, presenting a “camera ready” home.  Yet, in the end, it is kindness that is remembered, the majority of the rest becomes “debt debris” on your credit card.

Here's the 1 strategy you need to make your "To Do" list shrink:
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• Maya Angelou offers great wisdom to hold close at this time of year: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  How do you make the people around you feel?  How would you like to make them feel?  Make time for the little things, the kind word, small gesture, reassuring smile or an offer to sit and chat.  While purchasing someone the gift they mentioned creates a lovely response, it is not as remarkable as kindness (and while kindness is a gift, it doesn’t mean you have to buy something to be kind). 

​From doing something thoughtful for a boss, co-worker or a friend (like letting them know how they’ve contributed to more meaning in your working life), to making time for loved one’s over the holiday season (being spontaneous, inviting them in even if the house isn’t tidy), these are the things that make a difference and will be remembered. Rather than a list of things you want to do this holiday season, make a new list.  A list of how you want to feel (and how you’d like to contribute to making others feel) – that list will put you right in the path of kindness.  It’s the little things that make a big difference.   

As we edge closer to the end of the year, time seems to move more quickly, which is both blessing and curse.
 
With everyone being more aware of the calendar, work often picks up pace.  Organizations evaluate how productive they’ve been this year, and what’s still left on the corporate “to do” list.  Initiatives that have languished until now are getting renewed attention (if not resources) and there are new calls for getting things done, creating pressure.  
 
Home gets busier too with the run up to holidays.  So many cultures celebrate peace, light and love at this time of year, which makes the holidays special.  And puts pressure on schedules with travel planning (coordinating everyone’s time), gift giving and meal planning (making all the favourites, no matter how time consuming).
 
There’s a lot of expectation riding on you, both at home and at work.  I’ve often wondered why it can’t spread itself out better throughout the year, but here we are, the last few weeks in the year trying not only to make it all happen, but enjoy it too.
 
Enjoyment is usually the collateral damage of high expectations, at work and at home.  Give yourself the gift of serenity this holiday season, you won’t regret making this holiday one you enjoy.
 

• Fuel up.  There are chocolates, and cookies and all manner of goodies sitting in my kitchen.  On a busy day it’s tempting to just grab and go, without pay attention to the nutritional content.  Hangry happens not just because you’re hungry, but because you’re running on fumes + sugar/caffeine/salt, etc.  If you’re time crunched, pack yourself high-nutrition snacks to keep you going throughout the day.  Nuts, dried fruit, fresh veggies, hummus, all help to balance blood sugar and keep your head clear so you can get more done AND enjoy it.
• Walk with it.  One of the advantages to working from home is you can walk and talk.  To help everyone’s stress levels, consider making some meetings walking meetings, where people join by phone and have the option to walk while attending.  Walking is good for you physically, but it is also amazing for your productivity and creativity.  Have a problem you’re just not able to solve? Go for a 15–20-minute walk, by the time you’re back at your front door you’ll have cracked it.
• Stay hydrated.  As tempting as it is to have a seasonal bevvy in your hand (or to start your day), those mocha-frappy-minty-creamy-crème brule drinks are empty calories and the sugar can make you jittery (especially if it’s a meal replacement). Consider a really nice tea, water with lemon, mint or seasonal berries in it (making your water look and taste festive).  Staying hydrated also allows you to stay energized throughout the day, avoiding the afternoon slump.
• Rituals work.  With higher expectations, longer “to-do” lists and added pressure comes a departure from routine.  Running errands to and from work, working longer hours (for work or home) can knock you off your stride.  Sure, it’s “just for now” but try and keep routine in place where you can.  A stable morning ritual, or a comforting bed-time routine can create that island of sanctuary you need in the midst of chaos.
• Meditate.  Meditation offers so many benefits, even if you’ve never done it before.  Apps like Headspace and Calm can get you started.  Meditation is something you can do anywhere; in the car in a parking lot, at your desk, waiting for the kids.  Everyone benefits from 5-10 minutes of intentional peace and deep breathing, creating a serenity bubble you can go to anytime.
• Just say “no”.  You cannot fit everything in, and trying means you’ll deplete yourself and can’t enjoy the magic of the holidays (or worse, get so run-down you get sick).  At a time when expectations and hopes are high it can feel “grinchy” to turn someone down, or turn away yet more work.  Objectively look at what fits in the available time you have and what doesn’t to say “no” to the right things, for the right reason, so you can be focused, productive AND enjoy your holidays.

 
Do not allow expectations to rob you of the enjoyment of the season, at home or at work.  The holiday blues happen when you’ve worked yourself beyond your limits and have no energy (or good will) left to enjoy the season – even though you got it all done.  This isn’t something that only impacts you, it impacts your loved ones too.
 
Give yourself the gift of serenity, and make the best holiday memories with family and friends.

It was a story every caring professional can relate to.  My client had started her career with good boundaries in place, allowing her to enjoy balance between work and home.  In her own words, it was lovely.
 
And then an exciting project came along, and for a temporary period of time she worked 50-60 hours a week.  The work was rewarding, and she increased her visibility – so much so she received a promotion.  It was a dream come true
 
Her new role had a lot of travel and sensitive deadlines, so the 60 hours a week continued (and sometimes crept up to 70-80 hours a week), until 2 years into the new job things were completely falling apart at home, and she recognized she was no longer enjoying her work.  Her dream had become more of a nightmare.  She was on the edge of burning out.
 
She came to me to help her find a new dream job that would give her back her sanity.  With her permission, I helped her take the dream job she had and made it work for her.
 
If this story mirrors your professional life, then know there are always things you can do to stop work-creep and burnout.  You can put healthy boundaries between work and life back into place, without losing your credibility, or your dream career.
 
Here are strategies to do just that:

• Know where you add value (and where you don’t).  Take an objective look at your calendar.  What work and meetings present an opportunity for you to add value to the work you’re accountable for, and which one’s don’t?  As an example, there are likely some meetings you don’t need to be a part of, just as there is some work you kept with you as your responsibilities grew, but could (or should) be done just as well by someone else.  Be discerning here, some of the work you have you may have kept out of habit or because you like doing it, but is not value add in the role you’re in now (and if you’re a manager, don’t forget about delegation and job enrichment for your staff).  It’s flattering to be invited to meetings, but do you really serve a purpose in all of them?  Curate your schedule so the majority of your time (80% or more) is focused on what adds value to the organization, letting go of work you don’t need to be involved in, giving yourself back time.
• Work a little less each day.  If your work schedule has ballooned beyond 45 hours a week (on average), gently pull that back.  This may not be easy, because at a certain point you’ll need to start saying “no” to things to make this happen.  Build some momentum by working 15 minutes less each day (as a start).  This allows you to practice the boundaries you need to stop burn-out, while gently allowing work to adjust to your needs.  Target working 40-45 hours a week, that is the threshold where humans are most productive in professional settings (beyond that it’s taking you longer to do things due to fatigue, etc. and is mentally and physically unhealthy).
• “No” is a complete sentence.  There are many ways to say “no” without actually saying it that are highly effective (check out 5 Ways to Say No at Work).  When you don’t say “no” you may be over committing yourself (or your team) and indicating that things can be done, when in fact they can’t. Saying “no” means your organization will need to prioritize and plan with constraint in mind.  To do less means there is no steady hand guiding the right things getting done at the right time for the right reason, creating a low-trust loop (where things get done by happenstance and expectations are not met despite people working ridiculous hours).  Stop the cycle, plan with constraint in mind (and get more hours a week back for your personal life).
• Perfectionism is the enemy of healthy boundaries.  Perfectionism is seductive, but it’s rarely possible without an over-commitment that takes time away from something else important.  Your job is to strategically use the time you have to best impact; to do less means you’re being ineffective. Worse, perfection is rarely recognized (or rewarded) and creates an ever-increasing level of expectation that cannot continue to grow without you burning out.  Put a healthy boundary into place with “good for now”.  You can go back to tweak something later if you need to.  Holding perfectionism at bay gives you back much needed time each day.
• Check your assumptions.  Building on the theme that “good is good enough”, don’t assume your vision for something is the one that’s most important to pursue.  Your boss or clients may be fine with something less elaborate or complete as a starting point, because that allows for more collaboration and iteration as you go.  You may also be going down the wrong path altogether and that wastes a lot of time.  Check your assumptions as you go.  Ask open, curious questions like “Can you share with me what this looks like once it’s complete?” rather than “You want this to be X, right?”.  Curiosity saves time.
• Turn off your devices at the responsible close of your work day.  Work phone, work laptop, tablet, etc. shut them down and off or they’ll make it too easy to “check that one thing” or “quickly send this e-mail”.  And down the rabbit hole you go (emerging hours later).  If you’re concerned, put on your Out of Office on to support your boundaries: “Thanks for your e-mail.  I’ll respond to it first thing tomorrow morning, beginning at 9:00…”

​You're a great person and a committed, caring, professional, so it’s easy to see how you get to a point where the boundaries between home and work blur beyond what’s healthy for you.  That said, you are the only one who can put these healthy boundaries back where they belong.  Doing it where you work today means you will be less likely to blur them at your next job (blurring boundaries becomes a habit that follows you wherever you go) keeping you on the path to your dream career.
 
Don’t over-commit in one place in your life at the expense of another, or you’ll lose something precious you need – something even more precious than time.

“I don’t want to change jobs right now.”  It was a statement delivered with conviction by my client.
 
“But I need to make more money.  Can you help me?”.
 
Yes, of course.
 
This client had been in his current job for a few years, and while he had received salary increases over time, he felt his skills and abilities merited more pay.  He just had no idea how to ask for it without painting himself into a corner; annoying (or angering) his manager AND not getting what he asked for (needing to find a new job elsewhere).
 
He liked the work he was doing, and didn’t really want to leave, but he also found it harder and harder to ignore that his skills had grown, providing more value to his organization then his paycheck reflected.
 
It’s a stressful place to be.  And it happens more often than you think, especially for mid-career professionals who’ve found that “sweet spot” where you’re in a job you really like and it works well for your life, so you stay awhile.  Over time the salary increases you’re given may be fair internal to your peers, but are falling short of what the outside labour market offers.
 
Or worse, someone is hired from outside to do what you do, at a salary greater than yours because your organization can’t secure outside talent without offering more money.  Yet your organization hasn’t adjusted salaries (or can’t, or won’t) for those who already work there.  Watch for it, sadly this does happen, and the labour market in urban North America is heating up, making this more likely.
 
Don’t get caught in this spiral. Here’s what you can do to make more money where you work today.

• Know your impact.  You need to clearly demonstrate the value you bring to the table at your organization, and to quantify it as much as possible.  Your boss won’t be moved by stating you’re the only one who knows how to do something (even when it’s true).  Managers are better able to support a salary change when they have data, and that data should focus on how you saved the company money, time and/or resources.  You need to give your boss all the speaking points they need to advocate on your behalf, because while your manager is the first person who needs to be convinced you’re worth more, they may not be the only one who needs to approve this change.
• Know your worth.  Check to see what your skills are worth in the market place.  There’s lots of guides and resources on the internet, and your professional association can help too.  Knowing your market value helps you to be realistic in what you ask for, and provides evidence that your skills have that value elsewhere.  Presenting this to your manager is a conversation that needs to be navigated with skill so they don’t feel you are delivering an ultimatum. Unless you are feeling 100% certain that you have the level of visibility and influence you need (and the right approach), don’t start this conversation without seeking help on how best to do this.
• Ask for a salary review.  Rather than asking for a raise, asking for a salary review (which should include a review of your current job responsibilities) is less threatening and may get you the results you’re looking for.  You’ll need to make the case for how your job and your performance has increased over time, substantiating why it merits review today.
• Look to expand your responsibilities.  If you’re concerned a review won’t change your salary, then look for ways to expand or enrich what it is you do in your job today.  Taking time to get really knowledgeable on a client, product, tool, process or industry that supports your work is one example of you can become indispensable to your boss, making your value more visible.  You can also do this by asking your manager what you can do to make yourself more indispensable – they may have some ideas you wouldn’t have known were options.
• Develop your skills.  Taking courses (including the on-line learning your company may offer in-house) is a great way to evidence new and existing skills in an objective way.  Credentialling is another way to substantiate your value (and increase your marketability).  Haven’t written your final test yet, or only have a course or two to get those letters behind your name?  Now is the time to take this to the finish line.  If you want to start a credential from scratch, do your research first to ensure you’ll get the salary and job opportunities you’re looking for (and always pursue these from a reputable organization).
• Check on promotion possibilities.  Promotions are an option at some companies (but not all).  Depending on the size of your organization, asking to be considered for a promotion, and learning what would make you a stand out choice, can also support your path to a better salary.  If your organization can’t offer promotions (and many can’t), ask for job enrichment opportunities that expand your current responsibilities (and if you have suggestions, offer them – be open to hearing what’s possible and what isn’t).
• Look at your total compensation.  For some organizations, providing more money is just not in their reach (particularly if they’ve been hit hard by the pandemic, supply chain issues, inflation or other deep impacts to their bottom line).  However, salary is not the only way you’re compensated – there may be other ways to recognize your value, like increased paid vacation time, paying for your professional development, bumping up your health benefits (including more room in your health care spending account), compensating for your home internet (or another perk), etc.  It never hurts to think outside the box, or to ask (remain open to what is possible and the time it may take for your organization to consider your suggestion).

 
As with any negotiation, asking for more compensation in your role needs to be handled with consideration and care.  You need a game plan.  Working with a career coach can help keep you from making career limiting moves and improve your odds of getting paid what you are worth.  My client and I worked together for a few months, gathering data, positioning his skills and visibility at work and practicing for the series of conversations that ultimately got him what he was looking for.
 
All of this begins with knowing what you are worth, and balancing your expectations with conviction.

Ever feel like you’ve stuck your foot in your mouth?  Or an entire shoe store?  It always happens at the worst possible time!
 
That’s what happens to many professionals during their performance evaluation (and other critical career conversations at work).  It’s often hard to know what you said that made you less credible, you just know things were fine one minute, and then everything seemed to go downhill.
 
It’s so easy to do.  Your choice of words, tone of voice, even your body language makes a big difference in how your words are perceived by another person.  This gets amplified with a power dynamic in play (like speaking with your boss).  It’s even further amplified when it’s a crucial conversation – and performance reviews can feel crucial (it’s only your career’s future and financial outcome that hangs on this conversation).
 
If only there was a way to avoid common communication pitfalls in these types of conversations!  
 
There is. 
 
Check out these 7 things you should NEVER say in your performance evaluation to keep your career nicely on track:

• Exclusively use “we” language.  Nothing gets done in a vacuum at work – what we do is often very interconnected.  That said, your performance review is the place to make the distinction between what the team did and what part you played in making it a success.  Acknowledging the team is a good move, but be clear about what you did, making “I” statements.  “I’ve enjoyed working with our team, they motivate me to be at my best.  An example of this would be the XYZ project, where I ensured…”
• Agree, agree, agree.  Often, we want a performance evaluation conversation to be as brief as possible, which may mean you start agreement head bobbing (even saying “Yes, yes”, “I know” and “Of course”) to show you’re listening, when what you really may be doing is trying to get this done without feeling anything you don’t want to.  Great (even good) performance evaluations include three things.  Highlights of your specific accomplishments, recognition of your efforts and how your work makes a difference, and clear, compassionate feedback (which should include constructive criticism, identifying your opportunities for growth).  In other words, you need to be prepared feel something during your review.  Becoming a “bobble head” means even if you are getting a great review, you aren’t absorbing any of it.  If your review isn’t well done, you’ve just lost an opportunity to advocate for your accomplishments.  Listen to what your manager is saying, and be an active participant in this conversation.
• No “buts”.  There are times when you may need to defend your work.  Deadlines may have been missed, project scopes changed, client needs evolved, etc.  Nothing is ever conceived and executed perfectly to plan, so when your manager brings up mistakes, etc. listen carefully.  If you truly were not at fault, but feel like you’re receiving blame, consider this response; “Thank-you for that feedback, it’s really given me a lot to think about.  Would it be possible for me to take some time with it and then circle back with you tomorrow?  This is important and I want to get this right going forward.”  This gives you some time to thoughtfully craft a way to show your manager the truth, without coming off shady or defensive.
• No blame.  When you hear how your performance rating impacts your salary or bonus it may create a visceral response; “You said we were all on track to get our full bonus this year!”.  Saying “you” to your manager (the verbal equivalent of finger pointing) makes you look petulant, instantly losing credibility.  Consider an “I” statement instead; “I’m disappointed to hear of the impact to my bonus.  My understanding was I was on track for full bonus this year.  Can we talk about what changed?”    Same goes if your co-worker was the one who caused an issue, and your work got caught in the cross-fire – blaming others (no matter how accurate) does not make you look good (for a response option, see the "No 'buts'"suggestion above).
• No comparisons.  It’s human to compare yourself to others, but never ask your manager what others on your team were rated, or mention that you expect your rating to be higher than X’s.  You may also hear about your team mates’ ratings, and feel like your rating is unfair.  Keep in mind, performance ratings, like fish stories, get bigger every time they’re mentioned (and be suspicious of anyone actively broadcasting their performance rating, especially if no one asked).  If you’re genuinely concerned about how your performance is positioned on your team, consider asking this: “I appreciate the time it took you to put together this feedback, it’s very helpful.  I’m trying to understand my performance relative to the expectations of my time in this role.  Can you help me to better see if my performance is on track, and if not, what I should be focussing on in the next year?”
• Ask for (or expect) a raise.  Big mistake in your performance evaluation conversation.  Most organizations have a 2-step process; evaluation and then (weeks or months later) salary review.  It’s very likely your manager hasn’t even looked at salaries, yet.  That doesn’t mean you can’t be curious.  Consider asking the following; “With this performance outcome, am I a candidate for a salary review?” (Note the use of the word “review” not “increase” or “raise”). Accept that your manager may or may not know the answer to that question (but they can follow-up with you when they do).  You may also ask “When will the organization be communicating salary changes to individuals who receive one?”  Temper your expectations, your organizations’ ability to fund salary changes aren’t only dependant on your performance, but their financial health, the markets, economy, etc.
• Obvious “career-limiting” statements.  This should go without saying, blurting out things like “That’s not in my job description” and “I don’t think you fully appreciate what I have done this year” are complete credibility killers.  If you’re being asked to do things out of scope for your current role, consider saying something like: “That sounds like a great next-level opportunity.  Can we talk about how you’ll support me in doing that work, and where it fits in with my career progression at this company?”.  If you feel your performance has been under-recognized, listen attentively in your review and consider this: “Thank-you for your feedback, this is helpful.  I have additional accomplishments that I’ve noted for your consideration, and I’d like to share the business impact they’ve had this year.” Business impact is the “magic phrase” here, most managers will be curious enough to hear you out (do have specifics prepared, like hours saved, money saved, client satisfaction, etc.).

 
Always check your body positioning (uncross those arms), your facial expression (neutral but positive) and eye contact (consistent but not creepy).  Your tone of voice matters too, so if you need to take a moment before you respond to get it just right, then do it; an open and curious tone of voice supports credibility when you need to navigate communication in a performance evaluation.
 
There is a lot you don’t control in a performance evaluation, yet you control the most important person in this conversation – you.  Even if the initial review doesn’t go as planned, know you can ask for time to think, reflect and circle back to topics you want to re-visit.  In doing so you are empowering yourself to get the performance review you deserve (and gets you to your dream career).