Why Well Respected is Better than Well Liked at Work

There is a misconception that likability is what fuels careers; while being liked isn’t a bad thing, it is not the same as being respected.

Think about it for a moment.

Make a list of all the people you like at work; now make a list of all the people you respect; who would you trust to support your career and work?  

I’ll bet it was someone you respected, and not just someone you liked.

So, how do you become well respected at work?

Here are 3 strategies that help you to stay liked AND be well respected.

1. Listen empathetically.  Empathetic listening is listening at a level where you connect to what another person is feeling, not just what they are saying, and you do so by reflecting both what you hear and what the other person feels, allowing collaboration on a much deeper level.  Listening with the intention to connect to another person’s experience fosters respect in your approach to the work.
   
2. Have your words pass three “gates”.  Before speaking, ask yourself: “Is it necessary?”, “Is it kind?”, “Is it more beautiful than silence?”  In this way, when you do speak, you will be listened to, heard and build respect for your consistent professionalism and contributions at work.
   
3. Be curious.  It is said “In the mind of the beginner there are many questions.  In the mind of the expert, there are few.” (Shunryu Suzuki).  Being curious and open to new ideas and experiences allows more possibilities, connections, creativity and humility – all things that create the conditions for respect to grow for the way you approach work and collaboration (your respect of others, and their respect of you).

You can like someone, without trusting them.

You can respect someone without liking them.

But you cannot respect someone without trusting them, even if is only in a specific context (i.e., not liking the payroll person at work, but trusting they will get you paid accurately and on time, respecting their work).

Likability plays less of a role in respect then most of us realize, so when you have to make a choice between building likeability and respectability at work, consider erring on the side of respectability to support your career and professional potential.

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