Ways to Care for Your Confidence

Self-confidence is one of those things you don’t think about much when you have it, but it can consume you when there’s a circumstance in life where it’s missing (like when you’re talking to someone you find intimidating, or doing something for the first time).  There are so many things that erode self-confidence; being tired, feeling vulnerable or intimidated, compassion fatigue, and many more.  Self-confidence is the belief you have in yourself and your abilities, leading to a sense of assurance and capability in accomplishing your goals. My biggest confidence thief?  My own inner-critic (she's a real b-otch).
 
Self-regard, or the way in which you view and value yourself, is an important aspect of self-confidence (and inner critics attack this first).  This is key, because having a healthy sense of self-regard leads to greater self-confidence, resilience, and an overall sense of satisfaction with your life. In contrast, your lack of self-regard creates unwelcome emotions such as self-doubt, insecurity, etc. and (if persistent) may put you at risk of burning out.
 

• When you cultivate a healthy sense of self-regard, you’re better able to feel confident and cope with the challenges and setbacks that life presents. You’re more likely to see yourself as capable and competent (including your ability to recover from mistakes), which can lead to a greater willingness to take on challenges and pursue your goals (both personal and professional). Without this you may not feel a growing sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, which is needed to support your emotional wellbeing. 

 

• A healthy sense of self-confidence can also lead to stronger relationships with others. When you value yourself, you’re more likely to set boundaries and communicate your needs effectively, which can lead to more respectful and fulfilling relationships. In contrast, when you lack self-confidence, you may be more likely to tolerate mistreatment or a lack of respect from others, which can contribute to any feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem (perpetuating a low confidence cycle that can lead to burnout).

 

• If a negative view of yourself persists, you may engage in self-deprecating behaviors such as contributing less in meetings and avoid seeking out growth opportunities at work (professional development, promotions, etc.). A persistent lack of self-regard can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression, deepening feelings of powerlessness or hopelessness about your ability to cope with life's challenges.  These signs also point to the possibility of burnout.

 
It’s important to monitor how you value and speak to yourself to prevent the daily grind from wearing away your self-confidence - once I learned how to do this consistently, my confidence improved in so many tangible ways.  If you find yourself losing the connection to your self-worth, here are some things you can do to protect and care for your self-confidence:
 

• Identify Negative Impacts: Its essential to understand what causes you to lose confidence in yourself. Once you have identified what creates a loss of self-esteem, you can take steps to address or avoid these causes. As an example, you can learn new skills, or ask for help with work you find challenging (asking for help is an emotional strength).  You may also have a conversation with your manager about your capacity: Managing healthy boundaries means you avoid being unnecessarily overwhelmed while setting expectations that maintain strong relationships.

 

• Practice Mindful Self-compassion: Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and accepting things as they are without judgment. This includes accepting yourself as you are, not as you wish yourself to be. Mindfulness can help you stay connected to what’s happening to you emotionally, providing much needed self-compassion during periods of self-doubt. It can also help you be more accepting and aware of the feelings of others, which supports building mutual understanding and trust.

 

• Reframe Your Perspective: When things don’t go according to expectations, it can be helpful to reframe your perspective. Instead of thinking about what went wrong, focus on what you can learn from the situation. This shift in thinking shows a belief in your abilities to learn, help you see setbacks as opportunities for growth, and goes a long way to building/maintaining self-esteem and confidence.

 

• Develop Resilience: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks. When things don’t go as planned, it’s natural to feel bad or to over-identify with a vulnerable moment in time.  Remembering that this is a “paragraph” in your life, not the whole “story”, helps to maintain objectivity which supports self-compassion.  Mistakes and setbacks don’t define you when you’re willing to see them as natural and a place to grow from rather than an identity.

 

• Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is crucial to managing your self-confidence. Make sure you get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly. Additionally, make time for activities that bring you joy, such as spending time with loved ones or pursuing hobbies.  Doing so goes a long way towards building your self-esteem and maintaining supportive relationships.

 
Attending to your self-confidence is an important part of emotional wellbeing. Having a healthy sense of self-regard can build greater self-confidence, resilience, and stronger relationships with others. Giving yourself what you need to support your own self-confidence is key (no one else can do this for you). If you’re experiencing a persistent lack of self-confidence that contributes to ongoing negative thoughts about yourself, unwelcome emotions and unwanted behaviours, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or mental health professional.

I discovered that self-regard is the foundation on which our identity is built (at work and in life).  I learned the importance of prioritizing my self-regard and taking the necessary steps to cultivate a healthy and positive view of myself to protect my self-regard and stay confident.  And I can say it works, it takes practice, but I'm worth it.

​How about you?

Find out if coaching is right for you with a complimentary 30 min. coaching consultation.

Book Today