Three Ways To Stop Reliving A Bad Moment

We’ve all had those interpersonal interactions we wish we could take back.  Those moments when you were tongue-tied and at a loss for words, or when you had all the wrong words …and said them.  I’m as guilty as the next person of re-arguing my point in my head for days, trying to make sense of a vulnerable moment, or misguided exchange.  If I’m being honest with myself, sometimes I’m doing it to be right, justifying my words in my own mind, even when there is no hope that what I said ever could be “right”.  It’s hard reliving your worst moments over and over again in your mind, especially since you can’t go back in time and change what happened.

It’s a human thing to want to re-run the tape, erase the bits you don’t like, and record a better outcome.  That’s essentially what our brain is trying to give us when it won’t let something go.  So, how to get out of the loop?  When we are replaying things in our mind and having a hard time getting them to stop it’s usually because there is still something we need.  In most cases it’s a way to put it to rest, and the best way to do that is through intention.  Here are three simple and specific things you can do to stop the loop, allowing you to let go and move on (cue the nourishing deep breath).

• Stop Doing:  Acknowledge what you should consider not doing, with respect to this particular person, situation or issue.  Often looping happens out of a misguided sense that you can “fix it”.  You can’t …but you can celebrate what you learned.  Remember the wise words of this gentleman: “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Thomas A. Edison
  
• Start Doing:  Along the way you probably noted something you could have done differently that would have worked better.  Make a note, it could be something you can apply in other circumstances or areas of your life - never underestimate the power of a learning mind.  “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s, there are few” Shunryu Suzuki
  
• Continue to Do:  You are a good person; you had a bad moment and that moment should not define you.  There was likely something you did in this interaction that was the right action, for the right reason at the right time.  What was it?  Even if the end result was far from desired, don’t throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water – what should you continue to pay attention to and to do?
  

These three steps are most valuable when you choose to look at them through the lens of deep self-compassion.  Doing these three things will get the incident out of your head and free you from the energy-sucking loop of replaying a painful moment.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
– Steve Maraboli