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Three Ways To Stop Reliving A Bad Moment

7/16/2019

 
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We’ve all had those interpersonal interactions we wish we could take back.  Those moments when you were tongue-tied and at a loss for words, or when you had all the wrong words …and said them.  I’m as guilty as the next person of re-arguing my point in my head for days, trying to make sense of a vulnerable moment, or misguided exchange.  If I’m being honest with myself, sometimes I’m doing it to be right, justifying my words in my own mind, even when there is no hope that what I said ever could be “right”.  It’s hard reliving your worst moments over and over again in your mind, especially since you can’t go back in time and change what happened.

It’s a human thing to want to re-run the tape, erase the bits you don’t like, and record a better outcome.  That’s essentially what our brain is trying to give us when it won’t let something go.  So, how to get out of the loop?  When we are replaying things in our mind and having a hard time getting them to stop it’s usually because there is still something we need.  In most cases it’s a way to put it to rest, and the best way to do that is through intention.  Here are three simple and specific things you can do to stop the loop, allowing you to let go and move on (cue the nourishing deep breath).
  • Stop Doing:  Acknowledge what you should consider not doing, with respect to this particular person, situation or issue.  Often looping happens out of a misguided sense that you can “fix it”.  You can’t …but you can celebrate what you learned.  Remember the wise words of this gentleman: “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Thomas A. Edison
  • Start Doing:  Along the way you probably noted something you could have done differently that would have worked better.  Make a note, it could be something you can apply in other circumstances or areas of your life - never underestimate the power of a learning mind.  “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s, there are few” Shunryu Suzuki
  • Continue to Do:  You are a good person; you had a bad moment and that moment should not define you.  There was likely something you did in this interaction that was the right action, for the right reason at the right time.  What was it?  Even if the end result was far from desired, don’t throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water – what should you continue to pay attention to and to do?

These three steps are most valuable when you choose to look at them through the lens of deep self-compassion.  Doing these three things will get the incident out of your head and free you from the energy-sucking loop of replaying a painful moment.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
– Steve Maraboli

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8/23/2019 12:07:12 am

There are millions of ways to make our life easier and for us to have that wall against the negative vibrations that might bother us. Dedication and discipline is needed for us to achieve this desire. There will be tests that are made for us to be wiser in solving the next problem that will arise. We can always change for the better and we need to keep moving in this world until we reach the end of the line. The line that will make us all proud and contented. Life is full of surprises, let's just enjoy the ride.


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  • Work With Carleen
    • About Carleen
    • Career Strategy Session >
      • Get The Most Out Of Your Career Strategy Session
    • Podcasts
    • Coaching Programs >
      • Lead with Impact
      • Career Impact
      • Purpose to Impact
      • Recognize Your Leadership Potential >
        • Welcome to Recognizing Your Leadership Potential
      • Realize Your High Potential
      • The Art of Influence at Work
      • Your Time By Design
      • Assessment
    • Book Me To Speak >
      • Persuasive at Work
      • Workshops That Work >
        • Getting Hybrid Right
        • Leading a Hybrid Team Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Hybrid Setting Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Hybrid Teams Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Virtual Setting Workshop
        • Leading in Ambiguity Workshop
        • Accomplishing Work Through Others Workshop
        • My Values Driven Workplace Workshop
        • Working Successfully From Home Workshop
        • Working Resilience
        • The Many Faces of Unconscious Bias Workshop
        • Building A Culture of Trust Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Workshop
        • Foundational Conversations Workshop
        • Conscious Conversations Workshop
        • Purpose Driven Feedback Workshop
        • Dynamic Team Communication Workshop
    • Awards
  • Client Stories
  • Blog
  • Testimonials
  • Free Resources
    • Summer Serenity Inspiration Guide
    • Working Life Wellbeing Assessment
    • Hidden Habits Holding You Back
    • Secrets to Boost Your Job Security
    • Working Life Serenity
    • Virtual Influence
    • Hello Monday Videos
    • Career Resources
    • Life Practices >
      • I Feel Angry
      • I Feel Stuck
      • I Am Overwhelmed
      • I Need Self-Compassion
      • Emotions At Work
      • Mindfulness
      • Triggers At Work
      • Naming Emotions
      • I Feel Frustrated
    • Balancing Time Workbook
    • Working Life Persona Quiz
    • Career Health Quiz
    • Healthy Boundaries Quiz
  • Referral Partners
  • Connect
  • Subscribe
  • The Career Edit