Love Your Working Life
  • Work With Carleen
    • About Carleen
    • Career Strategy Session >
      • Get The Most Out Of Your Career Strategy Session
    • Podcasts
    • Coaching Programs >
      • Lead with Impact
      • Career Impact
      • Purpose to Impact
      • Recognize Your Leadership Potential >
        • Welcome to Recognizing Your Leadership Potential
      • Realize Your High Potential
      • The Art of Influence at Work
      • Your Time By Design
      • Assessment
    • Book Me To Speak >
      • Persuasive at Work
      • Workshops That Work >
        • Getting Hybrid Right
        • Leading a Hybrid Team Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Hybrid Setting Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Hybrid Teams Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Virtual Setting Workshop
        • Leading in Ambiguity Workshop
        • Accomplishing Work Through Others Workshop
        • My Values Driven Workplace Workshop
        • Working Successfully From Home Workshop
        • Working Resilience
        • The Many Faces of Unconscious Bias Workshop
        • Building A Culture of Trust Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Workshop
        • Foundational Conversations Workshop
        • Conscious Conversations Workshop
        • Purpose Driven Feedback Workshop
        • Dynamic Team Communication Workshop
    • Awards
  • Client Stories
  • Blog
  • Testimonials
  • Free Resources
    • Summer Serenity Inspiration Guide
    • Working Life Wellbeing Assessment
    • Hidden Habits Holding You Back
    • Secrets to Boost Your Job Security
    • Working Life Serenity
    • Virtual Influence
    • Hello Monday Videos
    • Career Resources
    • Life Practices >
      • I Feel Angry
      • I Feel Stuck
      • I Am Overwhelmed
      • I Need Self-Compassion
      • Emotions At Work
      • Mindfulness
      • Triggers At Work
      • Naming Emotions
      • I Feel Frustrated
    • Balancing Time Workbook
    • Working Life Persona Quiz
    • Career Health Quiz
    • Healthy Boundaries Quiz
  • Referral Partners
  • Connect
  • Subscribe
  • The Career Edit
BLOG

CREATE A WORK LIFE
​YOU CAN LOVE

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

4/13/2016

 
A large component of practicing healthy emotional intelligence is the ability to look beyond the day-to-day scenery, stepping back to see what else may be at play.  All too often we have so much going on in our day, that stopping to contextualize any of it (or re-contextualize it, as things evolve) is a luxury.  Yet, that is where you tap into a rich vein that oozes potential.
 
A common theme for anyone working on his or her leadership skills is looking at what is wanted versus what is needed.  Shrewdly, I had one person ask me "What is the difference?  I believe I am doing what my company asks of me, so it is both wanted and needed!"; certainly, but is that based on perception or reality?  Truthfully none of us can sit idly by and assume we've got it all handled all the time…not as parents, spouses, friends or as leaders…and that we should expect great results forever.  Things change, sometimes subtly over time, sometimes in a great big thrust.  There is an iterative process that takes place when we encounter something new; we engage a different part of our brains than when we complete routine activities.  This causes us to use different neural pathways, allowing us to test, try, learn (repeat) and then apply our new knowledge until we feel we have mastered a task (assuming this is something we want to master).  Then, unintentionally, the "learning" stops, and with it, the testing, curiosity, open-mindedness and iterative process that allowed us to re-contextualize and pay attention to the nuances that made up many subtle realities of what we have learned, turning them into "scenery".
 
The net effect of this can be felt when something around us changes; we hire new staff or receive a new boss who points out what they are seeing from the perspective of their "fresh eyes".  Especially when it is different from our own perspective of our work; "I noticed when you get stern in meetings you lean forward and come off a bit condescending".  Perhaps your employer is merging with another, causing upheaval in the way you are used to doing things, or you are getting feedback from others with a different tone and timber to it than in the past (hints of exasperation, less patient).  Subtle, or direct, there are often indications to help you understand that how you did things before may not be the best approach going forward.  This can cause a lot of confusion, even frustration as we are thrust into a new understanding  - one that helps us to see that doing what we have always done may now provide less than optimal results.  Another way this manifests itself is when we have limited tools at our disposal, so an approach that works really well in a particular circumstance, or with a particular team member, doesn't work effectively in all the things we are accountable for, leaving us at a loss as to what to do about it.
 
Take some time to examine your assumptions; there is value in looking at what you may want versus what is being called for (need).  An example can be found in a leader who prides himself on his efficiency; meetings are short, to the point and efficient, a style that he feels is the best way to make good use of everyone's time.  Yet, he has experienced turnover in his leadership team and exit interviews with departing staff indicate they find him cold and feel they are not getting all the information they need to be able to confidently excel in their roles.  What did this leader want?  What was needed?  Sometimes, what we value the most in leadership (and in life) is not what is actually called for.  A very collaborative leader who is always there to help when asked can often be a good thing.  But only if it meets the expressed needs of the team; this style of leader may collaborate on ideas, but not give clear direction because he or she wants consensus from others first (rather than providing others with what was needed – a way forward).  Our best intentions, what we value and what we find beneficial, are not always going to fit what our organizations need most, nor the needs of others.  Ensuring we understand this allows us to remain alert to evolving circumstances, asking questions, "checking in" with others around us to ensure we have fully captured what is needed, versus what we may want to give.
 
Are you leading from a place of comfort, or a place of discernment?  Do you actively seek to understand what is most needed versus moving swiftly into what you want to be known for, what is easiest to do or what is "safe"?  It is a very subtle distinction, one that can be hard to catch because when we operate from a place of expertise, comfort or best intentions, it feels right.  However, without discernment, without asking questions or seeking other perspectives and being openly curious you may miss the key elements, which can guide you to the right action, and never know it.  Wisdom, then, is the act of staying open minded, allowing you to be able to test the difference between want and need.


Comments are closed.

    Subscribe 

    Looking for a Blog? Search here:

    ABOUT MY BLOG

    I believe in empowering others in many tangible ways.  When I learn new career strategies  or see something that might help others, I share it using my blog and website. 

    View my profile on LinkedIn

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    December 2013

All photography on my website is courtesy of the generous artists at Pexels and Unsplash.
Book Your Career Strategy Session
Privacy Policy
Integral Coach™ is a registered trade-mark in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Carleen Hicks.

  • Work With Carleen
    • About Carleen
    • Career Strategy Session >
      • Get The Most Out Of Your Career Strategy Session
    • Podcasts
    • Coaching Programs >
      • Lead with Impact
      • Career Impact
      • Purpose to Impact
      • Recognize Your Leadership Potential >
        • Welcome to Recognizing Your Leadership Potential
      • Realize Your High Potential
      • The Art of Influence at Work
      • Your Time By Design
      • Assessment
    • Book Me To Speak >
      • Persuasive at Work
      • Workshops That Work >
        • Getting Hybrid Right
        • Leading a Hybrid Team Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Hybrid Setting Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Hybrid Teams Workshop
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Virtual Setting Workshop
        • Leading in Ambiguity Workshop
        • Accomplishing Work Through Others Workshop
        • My Values Driven Workplace Workshop
        • Working Successfully From Home Workshop
        • Working Resilience
        • The Many Faces of Unconscious Bias Workshop
        • Building A Culture of Trust Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Workshop
        • Foundational Conversations Workshop
        • Conscious Conversations Workshop
        • Purpose Driven Feedback Workshop
        • Dynamic Team Communication Workshop
    • Awards
  • Client Stories
  • Blog
  • Testimonials
  • Free Resources
    • Summer Serenity Inspiration Guide
    • Working Life Wellbeing Assessment
    • Hidden Habits Holding You Back
    • Secrets to Boost Your Job Security
    • Working Life Serenity
    • Virtual Influence
    • Hello Monday Videos
    • Career Resources
    • Life Practices >
      • I Feel Angry
      • I Feel Stuck
      • I Am Overwhelmed
      • I Need Self-Compassion
      • Emotions At Work
      • Mindfulness
      • Triggers At Work
      • Naming Emotions
      • I Feel Frustrated
    • Balancing Time Workbook
    • Working Life Persona Quiz
    • Career Health Quiz
    • Healthy Boundaries Quiz
  • Referral Partners
  • Connect
  • Subscribe
  • The Career Edit