How to Express Your True Self at Work

Self-expression is a powerful part of being believable and connecting with other people at work and in life.
 
It’s most powerful when your words match your facial expression and body language.  
 
As an example, do you trust someone else when they say “It’s fine”?  It’s a phrase that has become the opposite of its dictionary meaning; “It’s fine” usually means it’s really not “fine”.  
 
When someone says “It’s fine”, the unwritten social rule means stop talking about the topic, let the issue go. People who say “It’s fine” are often not believable as they have partially expressed an emotion, yet you can’t tell which one. 
 
Do you see how saying something, while signalling it’s opposite, can keep you from being believable or safe to talk to?
 
Self-expression uses three areas of emotional intelligence. 1. Emotional expression is helping others know your feelings using words, facial expression and body language that all match. 2. Assertiveness is saying what you feel in a way that protects your rights without offending others. 3. Independence is to speak and act free from others' feelings, being able to plan and make decisions by yourself.
 
When used together, they make what you say more powerful, without upsetting anyone.
 
Here are three times when being clear about how you feel will make you more credible at work.

1. You can’t take on anymore work (yet are assigned more).  Your boss pops in to see you and after the social niceties they drop a work bomb.  Saying “yes” means compromising the work you already need to do AND this new work, but saying “no” won’t play well either.  Stating what you believe is key in this scenario: “I appreciate the importance of this work and your trust in me to do it, so with the deadline for the Cooper project I can't do it all to the standard our company promises. What can I re-prioritize so everything gets the attention it deserves?”
2. You disagree with someone (for a good reason). You are having an exchange of ideas to come up with a solution to a new problem. Others don’t feel the problem is going to be a concern, but you see it from different perspective.  Disagreeing with your colleagues can feel risky, yet it is the right thing to do when you see something they don’t: “You have a point about this being a small problem, but if we go ahead without fixing this issue will it get bigger?  If we implemented this how could it impact our clients? Can we take another 5 minutes to discuss the impact and our options so we know we made the best decision with what we know today?”
3. You don’t have a good relationship with someone at work (and you’d like to).  Trust is complex, but without it working relationships are not supportive, or safe.  Being clear is an opportunity to talk about your relationship in a way that won’t upset this other person: “We need to talk about the way we communicate with each other. I’m nervous about how you view what I say and as a result, I talk less and less in our meetings. I’m concerned because this doesn’t benefit the important work either of us do. Can we talk about what’s been going on and figure out a plan to get to know how we can communicate better with each other so we both get what we need?”

 
While self-expression is all about saying what you feel in a believable way (your words match your facial expression and body language), notice none of the statements use the word “feel” or “feelings”. Being clear doesn’t mean saying what you feel, it means connecting to what you feel and then communicating what you know to be true.  
 
This is essential because your emotions help to highlight what is important to you and this other person, without getting personal or emotional.
 
That is the power of credibility.

The best part is you can ALWAYS increase your personal power at work.  Ask me how.

YES! I want this!