How to be More Relatable at Work

Being sought out for your expertise at work does many wonderful things for your self-esteem.  It checks all the boxes; you feel respected, you feel secure in your work and you have confirmation that you are in the right place in your career (you belong).

So how can you be recognized for your deep knowledge more often and by more colleagues?

Emotional intelligence holds the key.  Emotional intelligence is “the ability to perceive, use, understand and manage your emotions” (Dr. Susan Albers), it can help you be more relatable to others, which is instrumental in being asked for your expertise (consistency is important).

Being relatable uses three areas of emotional intelligence.  1. Building positive interpersonal relationships with others.  2. Being able to empathize with others. 3. Genuinely wanting to help others (even when there is no real advantage to you in doing so, also known as social responsibility).

It’s sometimes tough to get all three working together; as an example, you may genuinely want to help, but not this colleague (you don’t trust them).  You may want to help your colleague but don’t understand their concern (you can’t connect to their need).  You want to help, but don’t want the commitment of being the expert here (you get overwhelmed just thinking about what’s involved).  All circumstances that could potentially impact the way you respond and consequently how others perceive you (i.e., your relatability).

To remain relatable when things aren’t lining up, balance between these three areas of emotional intelligence is needed.  You can provide support by connecting to what this other person is feeling, without being intrusive, without over-committing your time and without having trust present, allowing you to continue to build strong professional relationships at work with everyone.  Let’s look at some examples.

• If you don’t trust the colleague who is asking for your support, reminding them of that in their hour of need is a quick way to make an enemy; balancing these three areas of emotional intelligence supports your relatability in this difficult circumstance:  “I can see that this is really important to you (empathy), and I want to support your goal (interpersonal relationships), but I’m unclear how my expertise/contribution will be used here (social responsibility).  Would it be possible to take a few minutes now to better understand the context of your problem/request? (social responsibility).” [alternatively, if you have no desire to work with this person, you can still help them] “I don’t have the time to give this the attention it, and you, deserve, but I have a contact that may be able to help you with this, are you interested in being introduced to them?”
  

• If you can’t connect to what the “big deal” is for someone else, leaving them frustrated is no way to support a professional relationship or your expertise; balancing emotional intelligence for relatability in this circumstance looks like this: “I can see we’re not on the same page here, and that is not helping you with what you need (empathy).  Do you have a few minutes now to look at this in more detail so I can be more useful to you (social responsibility)?  My goal is to support your work, and what may help me is to better understand the importance to you of this request/project (interpersonal relationships).”
  

• If someone has picked the absolute wrong time to connect with you for your expertise, it’s tempting to turn them down flat.  Yet, that doesn’t leave the relationship in a great place. Balancing all three areas of emotional intelligence allows you to both say “no” and be relatable: “I can see that this is really important to you (empathy), and I want to support your work (interpersonal relationships), but right now I don’t have the time to give this the attention it deserves (social responsibility).  Would it be possible to connect on this next week when I have more time?” [alternatively] “I have a contact that may be able to help you with this today, are you interested in being introduced to them?”
  

What is important to note is emotional intelligence is not about meeting the needs of others at the expense of your own needs, but being open, curious and clear about what is happening in that moment, ensuing everyone can have their needs met.

That is the power of emotional intelligence in making you more relatable at work. 

The best part is you can ALWAYS increase your emotional intelligence.  Ask me how.

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