Your time and needs are important. So is learning to advocate for them through voicing what is, and is not, possible during busy periods in your work and life. 
 
Balancing saying “yes” and “no” is all about helping others understand you care but have commitments you’ve made that are also important (which includes your own well-being).
 
Here are 5 ways to say “no” without making a “career limiting” move.

• Know what saying “yes” will cost.  Doing things is a comfort zone, that’s why often those who are the busiest tend to take on more. Being busy, being needed, can feel good even if it makes life difficult.  Check in, what compels you to say “yes”? What need of yours is being met by saying “yes”? Which of your needs are you ignoring by taking more on? Is saying “yes” an impulse, or a well thought out response?  Only one will ensure you can get it all done meeting everyone’s expectations.

• Say “yes” to the need but “no” to the work.  You can say “yes” to someone else’s need (your boss, a co-worker, or a family member) while saying “no” to taking on more work. Begin by acknowledging this other person’s need and its importance, then contextualize why taking on this work now isn’t going to get them the results they are looking for. “This is such a good initiative, and I would like to help. Right now, I am on a tight deadline to complete a key priority, and I can’t do justice to your request. Can this wait until next week/month when I will have the time it needs?”

• Buy yourself some time. You can also ask for time before committing to a request, especially if your gut is saying “No, no, no, no NOOOOO.” “I hear your need for an extra set of hands on this, and I am appreciative that you thought of me as the right person for it, but I am currently tasked with items that have competing deadlines and will need to see if adding this work is feasible, as I don’t want to commit and not deliver. Can I get back to you tomorrow?” You may want to help, or you may already know there is no way to do this new work. In asking for more time, it gives both you and the person making the request the space to consider options, which may include a compromise on their deadline or the scope of work you take on. You may also find when you go back to let them know what’s feasible, they have another solution that doesn’t mean more work for you.

• Say “yes” with a price. Do the math; look at the work you are accountable for delivering.  Estimate the hours it will realistically take to complete (best guess).  Next, calculate the number of work hours you have in the period you need to complete the work (i.e., a week, or a month).  Use the working hours you are paid for in that period, not the ones you “volunteer”.  Subtract from that number any statutory holidays, outside appointments or vacation time you know is booked.  Now, subtract from that total the number of hours you are in meetings or are already committed to something else at work.  That is your “real” number of hours available to work.  Take the number of hours needed to deliver your work minus the number of hours you have to work on those things.  Do the math because it makes possible a new conversation about which items matter at work, and which ones can wait. “I can do that for you no problem, but it will mean a delay on the deliverables for the project you requested.  Does that work for you?”

• Say “no” to the request, not the person.  By using the strategies above you will ensure whoever has asked for your time and assistance feels heard and valued, which means when you do say no they will understand you are saying "no" to the work and not to them personally.  This is one of the biggest hurdles to saying “no” for many professionals, it can be misinterpreted as personal.  Rather than caving, say “no” for the right reasons in the right ways and you’ll keep both your work schedule and your relationships healthy. “I understand what you need and if I could accommodate your request I would.  Right now, I am on a tight deadline which means committing something to you in the same timeframe would be irresponsible.  Have you considered asking for an extension [asking X to help, etc.]?" 

 
It’s OK to say “no” to work because you need to be done work on time or to meet your own needs and commitments. What you don’t have to do is share your personal reasons for saying “no” to work. 
 
If you have already framed your “no” by referencing current workload, priorities, and deadlines, then let that stand as your reason for not taking on more work. They don’t need to know it’s because you’ve planned a well-deserved and relaxing night off.

Does this sound familiar?

• You marvel at others in meetings who are so cool under pressure.  You admire the people in your life who are making a difference through their work.  You’re in awe of those who have the respect of the room.
• And you wish you could do it as effortlessly as they do.

 
It’s not that you don’t have great qualities (you so do), but it may be time to check in and see if you’re backing away from your own greatness.  
 
Here are 5 signs you’re doing just that.

• You avoid the limelight…and the spotlight.  It can feel excruciating to be the center of attention (even for a short period), but at work you need to put yourself out there.  If this feels like it’s “way too much”, consider doing it on a smaller scale.  Speak one-on-one to someone you trust about your big idea rather than bringing it up in a group meeting.

 

• Your expectations change.  Anyone who's had even a small taste of success can immediately identify with the little voice in their head that said, “How are you going to top this (or keep it up)?” Moving the needle on your performance can also change what people expect of you (or you expect of yourself).  Deep breath, you got yourself this far, enjoy the moment – it’s not like you are in the Olympics and need to beat your own World Record at the next event.  Take it as it comes and don’t get too far ahead of yourself.

 

• You are afraid of the critics.  With more success comes more visibility and with more visibility comes more criticism.  Some of it will be constructive and promote growth for you.  Some of it may be based on jealousy.  Haters gonna hate, just make sure you’re not one of them (being overly critical of yourself).

 

• You believe success = more work.  Standing out in all the right ways is empowering, and it may also mean more work comes your way.  Be discerning – if the work is interesting and supports where you’re going in your career, think about the opportunity it represents.  If not, you can always say no.  Don’t know how to say no?  Check out next week’s blog.

 

• You’ll have to become someone you’re not.  If being successful demands that you be someone you’re not, you’re not likely to be successful for long (history is littered with people who’ve tried… John DeLorean is a good example).  You have greatness in you (we all do), embrace it by showcasing what you’re good at with authenticity. You are enough just the way you are.

 
If you have any of these 5 signs (and it would be human if you did), this can help.  Sit down and consider what success looks like for you.  It’s not something we put a lot of time into, so write down your vision of success (and make sure it is yours, and not what you think others want).
 
Then, write down the barriers to achieving that vision of success and ways you can overcome them.  This then becomes the beginning of your plan to step into your greatness.  It will feel weird calling it that, but get used to the boldness of it, because where you’re going requires the courage to be bold.
 
And, if that isn’t enticing you to be a bit more visible, remember, someone at some time was looking at you too and thinking “Wow, it must be so great to be able to do that so effortlessly…”.  
 
Each of us was created with a purpose, never doubt that you have greatness in you, or how much the world needs it.

Meetings.  Love ‘em or hate ‘em they are unavoidable at work. And you need to be strategic about your contributions in meetings to keep your work and career on track.
 
How often do you “raise your hand” in a meeting and weigh in?  How comfortable are you doing it?  
 
Meetings are “ground zero”, where you feel like you belong at work, or not (virtual or otherwise).  So, how can you leverage these constant opportunities to be seen and make your expertise count?
 
Here are 7 tips to help you do just that.

• Preparation = Less Perspiration.  Look at your calendar every morning and make a note of what meetings you are involved in today. Then, determine what your purpose is in each of those meetings (use the RACI resource below as a guide).   Lastly, decide how you want to contribute in each meeting and make a note of your commitment and it’s intended impact for the meetings you are in. Doing this means you are in good place to contribute with less stress.

 

• Stop Censoring Yourself.  A barrier to sticking to your commitment to contribute to a meeting is your internal critic.  You have good ideas, unique perspectives, expertise and experience your team/clients or organization needs to hear.  And only you can bring that much-needed info into the discussion.

 

• Let go of Perfection.  You do not have to be a polished public speaker to be influential or speak in a group meeting, but you also can’t hesitate.  When that brief window to get your voice out there opens, take it.  You can stammer a bit in speaking, and it won’t matter when what you have to say is on topic in the meeting.  Being nervous usually gains compassion in the room.  Stick to it and get your point across.  The more often you do this, the more comfortable you will become being visible and contributing in group settings.

 

• Interrupt the Interrupters. Interrupters are everywhere.  From the people who finish your sentences, to those who butt in at the slightest hint of a pause, they have existed for decades and will continue to exist for many more.  When you’ve been interrupted in a meeting put your hand out to signal “stop” and clearly state you’d like to finish your point.  Do so with respect (no hogging the floor), and then invite the interrupter to make their point.

 

• Ask Questions.  Sometimes the most influential contributions in meetings aren’t information, but open, curious questions that give everyone an opportunity to reflect and think.  Questions and curiosity are powerful, use them to contribute to meetings more often.

 

• Keep Your Power.  It’s tempting to defer to someone else in the meeting (like your boss or another higher up).  Don’t give away your power.  You are all humans, and frankly, the boss doesn’t always know everything (if they did, they wouldn’t need you and you wouldn’t be in this meeting, but you are, so…).  Put your contributions out there, if others have something to say, they will.

 

• Raise Your Hand.  Do you have something to contribute, missed the window, or something important hasn’t been covered in the meeting yet?  Raise your hand and put yourself out there – if you can see it, it’s important, and needs to be raised.

 
Your impact at work is greater when you strategically choose to contribute your voice to meetings with the bonus that it also confirms you have value and purpose in being there.  You don’t have to say something in every meeting (sometimes you’re there just to listen), but you do need to understand why you are in the meetings you attend and contribute accordingly.
 
To do less means you lose visibility, influence, and credibility all of which determine your relevance at work (and any feelings of belonging and acceptance).
 
Make sure this isn’t something you are doing to yourself.  Put your hand up, you’ve got a lot of great things to contribute.

​Summer reading is such a great way to travel away from day-to-day life without moving an inch.
 
And it is a phenomenal way to explore, find new ideas and test new ways of thinking with zero risk to your career. So, when I came across this quote in my summer reading it took me a moment to take it all in:

It’s a powerful quote that really spoke to me – was I empowering myself, or limiting myself by what I expected of myself and others?
 
How do you shape your own expectations?
 
This is a very important thing to contemplate, because at its heart is how you empower yourself.
 
I’ve been a planner all my life, but I hadn’t been setting life or career goals until I realized I had about 20 years of working life left – 20 years that could either be a painful slog, or a way to make a meaningful difference through my profession.
 
Which one appeals to you the most?
 
Is it time to listen to your soul?  Take those longings you have and see what’s possible in your career?
 
What do you expect of yourself?  And how can you use those expectations to empower yourself, rather than judge yourself?
 
Here are the first steps towards your career empowerment:
 
You need 2 kinds of goals:  empowerment happens in the present moment but needs guidance from a bigger vision or plan.  Career empowerment needs 2 kinds of goals, short term (the present) and long term (the future, bigger vision).  

• Start with the longer-term vision, set a timeframe (in my example I used 20 years) and decide where you want to be AND why that’s important to your life and career.  This doesn’t have to be elaborate, just a clear call to move in the direction you want to go.  
• Then, figure out what the steps are to get you there, which become your short-term goals.  
• This sounds practical and easy, but it’s not always so, particularly if you have a little voice inside of you saying you want too much or are reaching too far…respectfully tell that voice to shut up.

 
Start where you are:  So often we see the flaw and lack in ourselves, the things that hold us back.  Stop.  

• Look at all the things you are today that pull you forward.  You need to begin where you are, not wait for the “perfect” anything.  Whatever small step seems right to you is exactly the right step to make.  
• Set and meet your own expectations, but do it responsibly in ways that set you up for long-term success, allowing for failure, learning and practice to kick in.

 
Hold yourself accountable:  Longings and dreams can be intimidating, but that’s what makes them worth it (if this were easy to do you would have done it by now).  

• Yes, you are worthy of achieving your long-term goals, desires …dreams.  Yes, you can do this.  But you need to keep faith in yourself and the only way to do that is to continue to hold yourself accountable to your long-term goals.
• Be flexible.  Approaching anything with rigidity is a recipe for failure – your plan may not go as planned but accountability means it is worth it to create a new plan that reflects what you are learning as you go.

 
“You will never get any more out of life then you expect.” (Bruce Lee) that’s the quote.  Most of us never get to the point where we sit down and reflect on what we expect of ourselves and our careers.  Our one precious life.
 
You don’t have to cure cancer or create world peace.  Saving for retirement, raising great kids, paying off a mortgage are amazing ways to make a difference in your life and community. So is making sure you enjoy your life along the way.
 
Have this conversation with yourself.  What do you expect from your life? Set the bar someplace amazing and meaningful for you.
 
From now until retirement I’m getting out of bed every morning to help people increase their personal power at work, so they can love their working life.  Not only do I know that’s possible, but it’s also the very definition of a dream career.  
 
What do you expect from your career?

 ​I have a confession to make.  I’m leaving my comfort zone.  
 
I’m getting business coaching, and it is going well.  But it’s also challenging me.  That’s an understatement, it’s pushing me around, at times making me feel like a complete newbie, or a rebellious three-year old.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve conquered Everest. It depends on the day.
 
And this is normal.  Doing new things, building new skills, or re-learning better ways to do old things is not easy.  I’ve had to confront my comfort zone many times (and I’m probably not done yet).  
 
If you’re like me, you may only leave your comfort zone kicking and screaming.  Something I’ve had to develop is a different mindset towards my comfort zone.  The interesting thing I’m discovering is I’m open and curious about change (trying something new, switching things up, being curious).  BUT, if I need to leave my comfort zone, that’s when the fight starts.
 
Can you relate?
 
A professional comfort zone is the place where you perform your role free of anxiety or fear because you know what you’re doing, and what to expect, at work.   It’s not the same as confidence, but confidence lives here, making it hard to leave this oasis.
 
The thing is your career only continues to thrive if you choose to leave your comfort zone regularly.  If you aren’t embracing both welcome and unwelcome change in your work, you get bored …your skills go stale.  You become less relevant to your employer and may not have the resilience to make changes your employer needs (or be able to find a better job for yourself that gets your professional motor running).
 
Here are 8 strategies to challenge your comfort zone mindset so you can have your dream career:

• Expect a street fight.  No one goes into unwelcome change without resistance – it’s a human operating system thing designed to keep us alive, but in the modern world it can also hold you back.  Facing fears is never easy, so look at what needs to change and break it down into small, manageable steps so you can keep yourself moving carefully forward.
  
  
• Face your fears.  You will screw up.  Very rarely does anyone have the grace to nail something they try the first time.  It’s called a learning curve for a reason.  Remember you only learn the important stuff through iteration (failing, doing it again applying what you’ve learned, etc.).  Another word for iteration at work is called experience, and experience takes time.  You aren’t supposed to get this perfect, but you do need to keep trying, learning, and asking for the support you need at work while you’re learning.
  
  
• Know the benefits.  Putting one step in front of the other in the face of challenge, moving through fear and learning new things is powerful and beneficial.  But there is one other reward on the other side of managed risk, and it is unshakable self-confidence.  When you accomplish new things, no one can take that away from you!  And now that you have figured out how to do them, you can do them whenever you need to.
  
  
• Build your reputation.  Putting yourself out there, bringing new things to the table at work, sharing what you’ve learned through failure has huge benefits.  It allows others to see you in a new light and connect to you in new ways that support your credibility, building greater respect for your skills and abilities.
  
  
• Your comfort zone is sticky and stretchy.  Comfort zones are hard to leave (that is the sticky part).  But if you put yourself out there, your comfort zone will stretch and move with you (after the trial by fear and awkwardness of course).  With comfort zones, size matters, and the bigger you can make yours by building new skills, abilities, and welcoming new experiences, the more relevant you’ll be to both your career and employers.
  
  
• Your employability is limited by the size of your comfort zone.  When you move outside of your comfort zone you’re improving your resilience, ability to focus and capacity to concentrate.  These are all in-demand soft skills that support career success no matter where you work.  By growing your comfort zone you’re making yourself more employable and desired by a wider range of employers (in your profession, community or in your current organization).
  
  
• Expand your professional “toolset”.  With learning and development comes new tools, tools that make you more effective at work, and makes work more enjoyable.  Consistently moving outside your comfort zone to learn new things means your potential is limitless, nothing stands in the way of achieving your career goals.
  
  
• Courage is key.  Moving out of your comfort zone (proving to yourself you can do this and reap the benefits) means you’ll be more likely to do this again, ensuring you’ll continue to learn and grow in ways that support your bright future.  You’ll be unstoppable.
  
  

Your future is on the other side of your comfort zone.  So is professional happiness.  
 
Comfort zones must be pushed, shaped and grown to give you everything you need to enjoy your career.  Like other living things, comfort zones need your attention every day – but that doesn’t always mean facing fear.  
 
Comfort zones also grow through fun, playfulness, and joy. Things like trying new foods, travel, reading a new author or just doing nothing at all (try doing nothing, I bet your comfort zone gives you a fight).
 
Your comfort zone mindset is key to your future; it’ll either propel you forward or hold you back.  Which one supports where you are going in your career?