Changing seasons can be a welcome invitation to change up our lives as well.  Summer has landed and with it come shifts in the hours of daylight, work/meeting patterns and possibly your household schedule and “flow” with kids and vacationing family.  We stay up later and see more of our friends; our life schedules may get fuller or less busy depending on what summer brings for you.  Often it can be an easy transition with the support of warm sunshine and relaxed visits, but it can also sharply contrast with feeling like you are the only person ”stuck going to work” or who has to get to bed at a reasonable hour when everyone else seems free to do as they please.  The time between now and when you are able to go on vacation may also stretch out, minutes may feel like hours as you count down to vacation, or you may feel panicked because you do not have the time you need to leave work in a “good place” while you are away.  Summer can be a time of too many hours and not enough; push and pull, fun contrasted with obligations, hurry up and wait for time that evaporates far too quickly (that two-week vacation will be over in a heartbeat).
 
In part what keeps us from enjoying this natural change in life’s rhythm are our own patterns.  It can feel very “heavy” to have to get up in the morning and go to work when your friends aren’t there because they’re away (and you are carrying their workload), or trying to get the kids off to a day-camp at the other end of the city, needing to work late to compensate for the later start.  These are disruptions to our usual day and they can wear on us in ways we are not always aware of, until we start snapping at our loved ones or cutting people off as we get on the bus (or with our cars).  Then we compound any feelings of guilt by telling ourselves we should be happier and in a good place because it is summer!  Summer brings many great things, but there is also a flip side when we are feeling the pinch that comes with change (even temporary change).
 
So, what to do?  Start with self-compassion; if you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed at work because you are minding things for others while they are off, give yourself a little treat. 

• Do something you wouldn’t normally do, like eat your lunch outside or take coffee breaks that indulge in a summer flavour (ice cream or a cold drink, try something new). 
• Even a small change, like making yourself a coffee before you hit the shower in the morning can give you more control in your day and feel quite decadent if it is not something you usually do. 
• Savouring your vacation through anticipation can also be relaxing, as long as you make time to do just that, possibly as you take a more scenic route to drop off the kids or by setting a picture of your vacation destination as the background to your computer desktop. 

​If you are suffering from summer malaise think up one simple thing you can do to be kind to yourself and make it happen.  You will find it gets you through the ups and downs that summer brings, allowing you to support yourself in this short season of change.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but LONG WEEKENDS ARE NOT THE SAME AS VACATIONS, even if you do have a whole summer of them lined up.  
 
Don’t get me wrong, I LOOOOVE long weekends, they are the best (and we have one coming up this weekend – WOOOO HOOOO!)  But, after hearing the third person I’ve talked to recently say they weren’t taking a vacation but were planning long weekends all summer I have some food for thought:

• Three/four-day weekends are nice, but they don’t provide the physical health benefits that a 7- or 14-day vacation does.  Regular vacations help you to reduce health issues including high blood pressure, high blood sugar and abnormal cholesterol levels; essentially these are the factors that put you at risk for heart disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes. Taking a sustained vacation can make the difference in staying healthy the rest of the year and burning out your health.
• Those who always take a few consecutive weeks off have advantages over those who don’t.  Over the course of a year the sustained vacation-takers’ productivity will be more consistent than those who did the long weekends instead; they also experience fewer dips and swings in their motivation, focus, energy and creativity throughout the year.
• The biggest reason why vacations are so Important is they keep the tunnel vision at bay.  They pull you out of the hyper-focus on all the “to do’s”, the expectations, the deadlines… providing a perspective that nourishes all of you, not just the work you do.  

 
Vacations let you live more in the moment, not focused on what has to happen next week or next quarter.  That report you obsessed over last week is already stale-dating itself on a server somewhere and NO ONE CARES. Vacation allows you to get a better perspective through being more present with yourself. Stepping out of the day-to-day also leaves room for being stimulated in new and different ways.  While on vacation, seeing the sights, or doing nothing, you’re using different parts of your brain, solving different problems, or not solving any problems at all (yes, the kids CAN have cake for breakfast… how is it really any different then waffles and syrup?).
 
It takes time for both your body and mind to adjust, to stand down and to trust that you’re not going to have to rev up again to meet the next unexpected challenge.  It takes time to heal from sustain concentration that went on long after you passed the fatigue line to get something done (and how many times have you done that this year… un-huh, you need a real vacation).  No way does that healing take place when you’re only giving yourself 3-4 days in a row before gearing up again.  This is why most employment legislation guarantees 5-10 days of vacation, AND the right to take them consecutively.  Sustained vacation time lets the adrenalin and cortisol subside, lets your heart rate truly slow.  You can set your own schedule, sleeping in… napping!  All of this does wonders to support your body in healing and restoring itself to its “factory settings”.
 
You’re also intentionally stepping away from mental stress – unplugging not just from your keyboard, but from the expectations of others.  Leave the lap top at home. Do not say you’ll be at the meeting next week, in the middle of your vacation, telling yourself “It’s just for an hour”.  It’s not “just an hour”, it’s about thoroughly letting go!  Even if it is just the hour (good luck with that, the e-mail alone will have you saying “while I’m here…”), the cost to your physical and mental health of not staying in vacation mode is massive.  Step away from the emotional roller coaster of meeting other people’s demands and needs.  You do lots of things at work that aren’t necessarily a priority, or even something you enjoy doing.  Vacation is the opposite of all of that; it’s about taking time for yourself, doing what you want, when you want and spending uninterrupted time with your loved ones.
 
And you need a sustained amount of time away from work to make the everyday recede, so you can see what it is you’re meant to be doing with your life with a clarity that almost hurts. To get a glimpse into your truth, that feeling where everything you hold sacred aligns:  your values, your beliefs, your gifts. This window into your soul is so important, it helps you navigate your path, bringing into focus the deepest expression of what is meaningful to you so you can bring it into what you do for a living.  
 
Vacations (real vacations, where you’re away from work for a week or longer) hold this window open, so you’re able to see the possibilities of your own deepest desires.  So, you can see the choices you get to make, the ones that decide how you spend your one precious and beautiful life.

We have an interesting relationship with failure (culturally speaking).  In that most of us don’t. Have a relationship, that is.
 
No big surprise, this starts early; for most of us failure in school meant reprimands, increased homework or (in my case) tutoring (instead of getting to swim with my friends or watch “Video Hits” after school).  Emotionally, failure creates shame, frustration and overwhelm – a cocktail that is the breeding ground for anxiety and emotional hiding.
 
We all learned when we were pretty young that failure was not a good thing AND it ripples out waves of heartache (via action and consequence).  No surprise then that we don’t talk to each other about our biggest failures.
 
And that’s a missed opportunity.  
 
Failure is inevitable and that’s what makes it an amazing ally on the path to success through learning and growth.  We tend to think of success as this nirvana state, we think growth is when our minds are blown and new opportunities await. Success and growth can be all that, but that’s not the whole story.  Do you remember lying in bed as a kid with growing pains pulsating through your legs? Physically and mentally, growing has an uncomfortable phase on the way to the good stuff.  Once we’re done with the growing pains of youth our continued growth opportunities often come through failure (like it or not you’re human – it comes with the operating system).
 
And that’s why we need to talk about it more with each other. That’s’ why we need to give voice to failure not just as a… well, failing, but as a clear sign of the many ways we’re growing.
 
I’m not suggesting you begin examining all your failures; wallowing in the hot mess that is your “Hell no” closet of self-destructive memories.  That’s not useful.  I have another, gentler way in to strengthening your relationship with failure:

• One of the companies I had the privilege of working for was an ambitious tech start-up.  They didn’t last long before they ran out of both ambition and money, BUT the key take-away I got from my brief time there was their “DNA Wall”.  
• On a prominent and long wall in the office they had painted an info-graphic of every mistake they made and how it strengthened and shaped the company.  
• Failure to meet their first big client’s expectations was a dot on this timeline and what they learned about that experience that made them better, which brought in their next three clients.  
• Without that first embarrassing failure they wouldn’t have had future success.  

 
They had 15 or so of these examples and it was a brilliant way to reinforce the culture of learning and resilience (particularly in an industry that was, and is, ruthless). 
 
While the business flamed out, the ideas they had went on to create success elsewhere, including that wall of examples that demonstrated how befriending failure, talking about it, normalizing it (making it a bigger than life-sized info-graphic) could not only foster success, but resilience and well-being.
 
These are the kinds of conversations we need to have about failure with each other (and with our kids… minus the wall-sized info-graphic).  There’s a saying that goes “Never let a good crisis go to waste” (Rahm Emanuel, 2008), a tongue-in-cheek reference to finding a way to capitalize on misfortune.  I want to borrow it here: “Never let a good failure go to waste”, within failure is the key to increased future success, but only if you’re willing to see what failure has to offer.
 
Failure is like falling into a hole.  When you don’t give yourself the opportunity to climb out of that hole, a part of you is stuck there forever (emotionally speaking).  But if you look at what happened as an opportunity to learn, you climb out of the failure hole.  Even better, you master the ability to stay out of other similar failure holes because you completed the cycle of learning.  Failure is but one stop in that cycle. 
 
It's also the most important stop.  When you learn something effortlessly, it doesn’t hold its value.  Think of something you aced right from the start at work; it likely wasn’t memorable and you likely don’t go back to using it a lot because it doesn’t hold any challenge of growth opportunities for you.  Now, think of something that put up more of a street-fight for you to master.  You likely use that a lot more often, and feel a pinch of pride each time you do.
 
Let’s talk more often of how we failed and what that empowered you to do because you took the courageous step to learned from it.  Let’s make failure a friend and ally, rather than a source of shame and fear.  “If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer.  If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow.” (tinybuddha.com).
 
How much better does your work and career look to you when you normalize this every-day thing, and make failure a step to your success?

Something I see professionals struggle with every day is the concept of looking weak at work.  It’s not something anyone wants to do.  But like beauty, weakness is in the eye of the beholder.
 
Being “emotional” at work is assumed to be a sign of weakness.  Sometimes so is asking for help. Yet, these are the very things we need to connect to others and grow at work (and if neither of those things are happening consistently for you right now, here’s some help).
 
Hiding your emotions at work is different than managing your emotions.  When you hide your emotions, you hide ALL OF THEM.  As an example:

• In addition to holding back frustration you also hold back empathy, joy, etc. (we’re all like this, it’s a human operating system quirk).  
• When all your emotions are being dampened you (unintentionally) become less expressive, less relatable and people will assume things about you in the void - not all of them good, as my next example illustrates.

 
They say you never hear anything good about yourself when you eavesdrop, and boy is that true.  

• Many years ago, while working in HR I overheard two people talking about me, with one remarking to the other “I just don’t know if I can trust her.  She seems so stand-offish.  Like when we were sharing how hard it was to write your own self-review, she didn’t really seem to care.”  
• I was crushed – this was the opposite of how I thought I was being at work, so where was the disconnect?

 
If you’ve met me (or seen my video content), you’ll know I have a very expressive face (poker is not my game).  But this conversation happened at a time when I was very unhappy at work and hiding it; it sends a really bad message when HR is unhappy at an organization, so I thought I was doing the right thing.  But what I was really doing was making things worse by creating other unforeseen and negative consequences for me in my role.  It felt like I just couldn’t catch a break.
 
So, what would managing my emotions (versus hiding them) have looked like?  

• Managing my emotions in that frustrating period means I would’ve used them as information, letting myself explore what was at the heart of my unhappiness.  

The myth with emotions is this; if you let yourself go to the dark and scary place you’ll be trapped there feeling it forever.  Not so. Thankfully emotions are not traps but weather.  Like weather, emotions come and go; as long as you prepare for it, you won’t get soaked and it always changes.
 
If I’d let myself use my emotions as information, I would’ve had the grace to see my options, giving me relief in the short-term AND supporting my career desires in the long-term. I would’ve had a conversation with my boss about how I was feeling.  Not a messy, overwhelming flood of expression that swamped them, but a considerate dialogue where my feelings and concerns could be stated, explored and understood by someone who was in a position to help me.
 
Which brings us to asking for help.  
 
In my current work as a coach, I often hear how afraid professionals are to ask for help at work.  Not just because it might make them look bad, but because they have reached an emotional point where they can’t trust themselves to have the conversation without a flood of emotion coming out unchecked.  So, they don’t, and that circles them back to emotional hiding. 
 
It's a vicious, vicious, cycle.
 
The move here is to have the conversation before you’re so emotional about something you can’t have the conversation.  Seems obvious, right?  Ever notice how obviousness is not especially helpful?   I feel you.  In most jobs we’re rewarded for doing work well, with expertise and little help.  The message is you’re only successful if you can work independently.  

This is actually a trap; one where you don’t build up your “ask it” muscle and so when you need it, it’s not there.  It’s possible to be both independent in your work and a regular receiver of help.
 
Here's an exercise to strengthen your “ask it” muscle.  

• ​Use your natural curiosity to ask one intentional question a day at work.  
• Questions like “If it were up to you, how would you approach this?” or “Could you let me know how this met your expectations?”  
• You can even do it for non-work-related things, like “Your bike is awesome, do you mind me asking where you got it?”  
• Make a point to ask one open and curious question a day, doing so with different people over time.

 
When you’re used to asking questions, and inviting the kind of dialog curiosity creates, it’s less intimidating to ask for help in other ways AND you’ve already set the expectation that you make requests (so this is less of a departure from your everyday way of working).  With a well-developed “ask it” muscle, you’re more likely to ask for help before you get emotionally backed up.  And if you’re deeply frustrated, using your emotions as information can help you discern who and how to ask for help.
 
It’s not a weakness to express what you’re thinking and feeling at work when done consciously (no hiding).  It’s not a weakness to ask for help.  If you’re worried about looking weak, be careful you’re not isolating yourself, creating the perfect conditions to oscillate between feeling too emotional to express yourself and not asking for help, sinking deeper into the fugue without being able to catch a break when you need it most.

“My burnout is my fault”
 
This was one of the most devastating conversations I’ve ever had with a burned-out professional.
 
“I get excited about what I can do, and then I take on so much work that I have to work longer hours to get it all done.  I love what I do, I just want to contribute and to do it well.”
 
That level of enthusiasm shouldn’t lead to burnout.  Passion for what you do so well at work shouldn’t lead to harm (exhaustion, cynicism, imposter syndrome, etc.)  
 
AND if you feel you need to put in “extra’ to make things happen, that’s worth unpacking. 

• Do you believe it has to be perfect?  
• Are you putting in twice as much effort to be “as good” as others?  
• Do you assume you’re not going to get listened to (acceptance/approval, etc.) unless your argument is both gripping and has merit?  
• Are you worried if it’s too simple it won’t be valued?  
• Have you sensed you need to be “the best” at something to be respected?

 
What are the invisible rules at play, pushing you past your healthy boundaries?  
 
These invisible rules have a name; they’re called “mindsets”.  Mindsets are like a coin, on the one side is the supportive way they help you move through your work, and on the other side are the ways they can sabotage you when it’s over-used.  That’s right, the same mindset can be both helpful and hurtful.
 
“My burnout is my fault” came from a career of making the near impossible happen at work, something this professional was not only really good at, but had taken on as an identity.  As time went on it was getting harder to do; not only had their organization’s needs changed over time, but this individual’s personal circumstances changed too.  They had a growing family, financial responsibilities.  But their mindset was “make it happen”.  The invisible rule was “YOU have to make it happen to keep being valuable”.
 
Hyper-identifying with making the impossible happen at work meant the organization kept this person in the same position for years, thinking no one else could do what they did.  While that meant this individual was well compensated, over time they felt like they were being taken for granted.  They received more and more of the same near-impossible work with less and less meaningful recognition.  No one at work seemed to care about the sacrifices this person was making to get it all done.
 
This individual knew the consequences for their team if they left (disaster), and they didn’t want to do that to people they liked and respected.  Plus, they were so busy they didn’t have time to take care of themselves, never mind look for another opportunity.
 
They felt trapped, and it was having an impact on their health and family life.
 
Whatever motivates you to push past your work/life boundaries and encroach on your personal time, it comes on a continuum:

• At the healthy end of this continuum, you’re motivated, engaged, creative or confident and energized by what you do.  
• On the unhealthy end you’re exhausted, frustrated, pressurized, overwhelmed, over-worked and possibly bored.  

 
What this points to is summed up by the saying: “What got you here won’t keep you here”; the healthy mindset that got you here (and its invisible rules) might also make it very hard to break free.
 
So, what if you challenged those invisible rules?  What if you said “Eff the status-quo” and made a change?
 
What would happen?
 
Here’s some surprising GOOD NEWS.  It’s like changing your hair style.  When you head out with your “new do” you’re expecting others to exclaim “Oh, you changed your hair!”, but unless it’s a really drastic change most people either:

• Don’t notice
• Say something like “You look different today, is that new shirt?”

 
The majority of people in your life don’t notice the change to your hair at all, even though it may have been a MOMENTOUS CHANGE for you.
 
It’s like that when you make most changes.  For our trapped professional the path away from burnout risk was similar.  They started with one momentous change for themselves, that they thought would get them fired, and in the end was barely noticed.  They stopped working 50 hours or more a week.  
 
Not all at once, they started what we called “The Reclamation Project” where they worked an hour less each work day for a few weeks.  Adjustments to expectations were made at work, and no one flinched or got reprimanded.  Then the reclamation project moved on to working 2 hours less each day.  Slowly, and with many wobbles (it took time and practice, overcoming obstacles over a number of months), this individual put back the healthy boundaries between work and home… and they did not get fired.  
 
What they got was this:

• As they slowly pulled back their work hours, they negotiated for what they needed; more support, delegation, extended deadlines, different expectations based on what was possible, not just what was wanted.  Their organization adjusted with them and had no issues with these well-thought-out changes (a great surprise to this individual).
• They asked for, and received, verbal feedback and recognition that was meaningful to them.
• Their annual salary increased (as it did every year due to the incredible work they did), AND when calculated as an hourly rate (because they now worked 10 fewer hours each week) it made them feel more valued (it made for quite an hourly pay bump).
• With more time to themselves, this professional re-started self-care they enjoyed, making them feel better mentally and physically.
• Their family life became less chaotic and more pleasurable.

 
This individual had a new lease on life AND their career.  It re-fuelled their passion for what they did, allowing them to plan for what they wanted to do in the next phase of their career.  And they saw how they could do that where they worked, because they knew they were valued for more than just what they could do for their organization today.
 
Here's the best part: ANYONE CAN HAVE THESE RESULTS.
 
You’re not at fault for being at risk for burnout (or getting burned out).  But the responsibility for caring for yourself rests in your hands.
 
And you don’t have to do this alone.  Here’s what I want you to know:

• Feeling stuck is not something you need to tolerate (really, I work with professionals all the time to create viable options for themselves from stuck-ness with no career-limiting moves).
• You don’t have to keep doing the thing your recognized for if you’re bored and ready to move on (there are ways to move on that empower others and yourself).
• Let’s chat and see if there are ways I can help you.