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Working Life Tips to Enjoy Your Summer

6/29/2022

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One of the biggest complaints I hear from clients who work from home are the lack of boundaries between home and work.  It’s an important topic as you consider how you want to work and live when we emerge from the pandemic.
 
It’s great to be able to work from your patio or deck (or the cottage) during the summer, but it also “pollutes” those spaces.  Rather than getting the relaxation vibe at work, you may accidentally end up creating a work vibe in your relaxation space.  Not cool.
 
You deserve to enjoy the beautiful spaces you’ve created in your home and life.  Decks, patios, gardens, balconies, etc. all benefit from seasonal spruce-ups (if not redecorating… or am I the only one watching videos on how to design your outdoor living space...).
 
Being able to create these kinds of sanctuaries is one of the reasons you work so hard, but they are useless when you don’t have time to enjoy them.  I LOVE sitting on my deck in the shade, hearing the wind rustling the leaves of the maples we planted with just this scenario in mind.  Our back deck has been a labour of love, and now (many years later), it has changed from a barren sun-burnt lawn to an oasis of calm where I like to spend as much time as I can.  But working from it?  There is a fine line between living to work and working to live and my deck is the boundary.
 
So, how do you enjoy the benefits of working from home and keep your sanctuary too?

Here are some strategies to consider:
  • Right space, right task.  Working from your outdoor space is wonderful, but be specific about what parts of your work are appropriate for the great outdoors.  Neighbours and passers-by may be able to hear every word of your video conference and phone calls.  Bright sunlight may mean others can’t see you, even with your video on, and cool breezes feel really nice, but sound terrible through your microphone. Opt to work outdoors on those tasks that make sense.  
  • Where do you focus best?  Everyone has a “formula” that works for them, what’s yours?  Consider if report writing and other focus tasks would benefit from a change of scenery, or if it’s more of a distraction.  Turning off notifications and putting on your “out-of-office” to let others know you are there, but committed to getting something completed for a few hours, will help reduce distractions and manage expectations so you can get stuff done no matter where you are sitting.
  • Plan your location.  Not all of the things you do for work will work from a space designed to (literally) put your feet up.  Ergonomically it’s not suited for long-hauls and it’s not as convenient as your desk.  That doesn’t mean you can’t plan oasis time during the work day.  Look at your schedule each morning and see what opportunities there are for you to spend a few hours working from your favourite spot as a way to break up your day or week.
  • Slip into glide. Consider working the last few hours of your day from a happy space to gently step into your downtime (particularly if you are going to be working past 5:00…).  Grab an iced coffee or tea to bridge you from work-time to relax-time.
  • Consideration is key.  Working full-time from your “happy place” can kill the mood when you are not at work (that’s why you should never put your office in your bedroom).  Having options and choice is wonderful and, when balanced with working in a more dedicated home office space, can be beneficial for both your productivity and your down time.
  • Recharge. It can feel impossible to ignore the pings that tell you e-mails are coming in, so use the settings on your smart phone to keep the notifications on during work time, and silence them for the rest.  If your work phone is different than your personal phone, put your work phone away for the night with your laptop, letting both you and your equipment recharge.
 
Of course, the best way to ensure working from home doesn’t become working for your employer for an extra10-40 hours a week …for free… is to set (and keep) regular office hours.  It also helps to have a routine for leaving your work space that includes shutting it all down (or closing the door on it).  Hearing audible notifications going off is the biggest cause of boundary bleed between work time and home time – the very definition of noise pollution!
 
You work hard for many reasons, having a lovely home environment is likely one of them.  But, it’s no good to you if you can’t enjoy it. Working from home without boundaries can contribute to upsetting a space that was designed to give you sanctuary.  

​All of these tips can help you achieve something else that's beneficial... FLOW.  That etherial feeling you get when work feels effortless and you are 100% aligned with what you're doing (and if that sounds like something you want more of, sign up for my workshop this fall where I unlock all the secrets to getting FLOW at work).  Working from home has a lot of benefits, but it means you need to be a good guardian of your time, allowing you to enjoy work, FLOW and play.
Carleen has provided me with an excellent sounding board, practical tools tailored to my learning style and has helped me in working towards my personal development objectives as a leader in an organization facing change."
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Summer Serenity Inspiration Guide - to Download CLICK here!

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Re-Entry From Vacation Can Be A B*tch

6/29/2022

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September is the time of year when our kids go back to school, schedules “normalize” and summer vacations are truly at an end.  Schedules fill up and everyone braces for a more rigorous life schedule.  As someone who has recently returned from a lovely long vacation I can attest to the pains of “real world re-entry”; it is never as easy as you think it will be.  So here are some tips and considerations to make your re-entry back into the “real” world a little easier.

E-mail.  If you haven’t looked at your in-box in a few weeks this is going to be ugly.  In some cases coming back from vacation means you boot up your computer, try to remember all your passwords and then…wait. Wait for it all to load.  Some people try to alleviate this concern by logging in the weekend before they are back.  Don’t.  Spend that weekend basking in the last rays of vacation bliss, get yourself organized to head back to work by planning meals, getting things prepared and re-committing to all those things you said you would do (or would stop doing, like working late) while you were in an objective state of mind on vacation.  
  • When you do log-in, keep your out of office notice on but change it to read that you are back, but in the process of catching up, letting people know there will be a delay in your response.  This will buy you some valuable time (at least until coworkers start showing up at your desk).  
  • Consider scanning your e-mails from newest to oldest just in case the concerns that were raised in older e-mails were solved by your very skilled and wise staff/colleagues.  You wouldn’t be the first person to send a well-thought out response to an e-mail that was a week old, only to discover 5 minutes and 4 e-mails further up the stack that your colleagues sorted things out nicely.  

Calendar.  If you haven’t done so already then schedule time to triage work priorities during the first day you are back. Admittedly this is easier to put in your calendar before you leave on vacation.  If you have meetings first thing in the morning of your first day back check to see if you can move them out by a day so you have time to get up-to-speed, frankly you’ll be more productive if you can take that bit of time.  Seldom do we have the luxury of a day, but it is important to give yourself the time you need to get back into the game.  
  • This day also allows you to get on top of your e-mail (really on top of it, like actually reading messages all the way to the end, not just the stuff in the preview window).  
  • It gives you time to sort out your calendar (meetings booked on top of meetings…because you weren’t there to accept things into your calendar and “tentative” time is still fair game for scheduling at most companies).  I am aware of a few executives who actually book one extra day of “vacation” and then work from home that day “in stealth mode” to get on top of everything before going back into the office.  If you are doing this, remember not to respond to any e-mails (draft them and send them the following day), or the next thing that happens is your phone rings…

Body.  While on vacation your body adjusted to eating when it wanted to (and likely what it wanted to) and will not be happy with the stricter schedule of meals upon return to work.  Plan for this and bring snacks, at least for the first few days.  It is no fun feeling overwhelmed by everything at work AND starving at 10:30 a.m. (you know, when “vacation you” usually had pancakes or omelets after sleeping in).  You will also experience a level of sleep deprivation as you adjust to your work-based schedule, which for most of us means rising significantly earlier then we would while enjoying leisure time.  
  • You'll need to give your body time to adjust to an earlier bedtime if you were going to sleep later while on vacation.  In general you may feel restless and a little cheated that you have to go back to a tighter regime of sleeping and eating.  Case in point a close friend of mine e-mailed me last week upon her return to work stating ”…I am confused, it’s 3:00 and there's no martini in my hand…”

Mind.  As you’ve read through this blog you may have nodded your head or taken note of a few things that resonated for you, and then you actually get back to work and it all quickly goes pear shaped despite your best intentions.  If this happens (or if you are expecting this to happen) ask yourself if you were planning on helping others to understand how you can best help them?  No one is going to walk into a meeting at 9:00 a.m. on his or her first day back and dazzle.  Yes, the ebb and flow of work is relentless and will continue and of course you HAVE to go to that meeting…but what if that meeting had taken place while you were on vacation too?  Work will always be relentless; the use of 4-8 work hours to allow you to re-immerse yourself in what is happening and become fully engaged in what is being asked of you is a reasonable request because it is in everyone’s best interests.  So before it all gets nuts, decide how you want to go back.  
  • What commitments did you make to change things as you lay on the beach and could fully embrace the concept that no one goes to their grave wishing they had spent more time at the office?  Did you decide to work less overtime?  To be home for dinner? To get out and walk at lunch?  
  • Then spend some time turning those intentions into a plan that can withstand even the most demanding work schedule, because those new commitments are really good ideas - you think more clearly when you're on vacation, you are far more objective.  
  • Do what “vacation you” tells you to do… you’ll live longer and be happier.
Through our sessions and assigned coaching practices, I saw my confidence and ability grow ...I could accept new challenges, be open to continuous improvement, face uncertainty with curiosity and foster positive relationships for collaboration."
Looking for less stress at work?  I have just the thing!  In 2 hours you learn how to keep burnout at bay AND  get back to enjoying what you do for a living (even in a demanding job).
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Be AWESOME Then Tell Someone

6/29/2022

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One of my past clients e-mailed me to let me know she had just closed a massive project at work, and she was really satisfied with the work she and her team had accomplished (her biggest project to date).  I love it when my clients reach out to let me know how they are doing, it’s a privilege to be invited back into their lives as a trusted colleague.  Ever the coach, I had a question: how she was going to celebrate?

Celebration is key to acknowledging that you did something meaningful.  Things like team meals and spot awards are great ways to have others acknowledge you (and you acknowledge them), but it’s also important for you to acknowledge yourself when you have milestone accomplishments (especially since only you will ever know the magnitude of the accomplishment for yourself, as others don’t witness private struggle).

A few years ago, I had a really challenging year, and having worked very hard to embrace the chaos and push forward I hit a wonderful milestone.  On vacation that summer I pick up a trinket that spoke to me; a tiny pewter sea urchin.  Its little nubby spikes remind me to persevere because not everything that looks difficult on the surface is actually difficult in the end.  It sits on my desk, and I’ve picked it up and held it so often its nubs have been burnished from dull pewter to light-catching sparkle.  An everyday reminder that when I chose to stay with a problem, I bring new light to it.

My client is going into vacation in the best way possible, on the high spirits of a great accomplishment.  Prompted by my question she’s thinking she may get herself something special as well; a new coffee mug.  Not just any coffee mug, one that she falls in love with from an artisan pottery shop somewhere on her travels along the coast.  One that will bring back great vacation memories AND remind her of her own unique awesomeness every time she holds it in her hands, feeling the warmth of both coffee and accomplishment.

We are worth this.  Celebrations should continue into every day; never turn away from reminding yourself what you have accomplished.  Let it sustain, and inform, your work going forward.  What milestones and accomplishments do you acknowledge for yourself?  How do you celebrate them every day?
As a result of time spent with Carleen, I now feel more equipped to deal with the day to day challenges working as a professional in the IT industry."
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Working Life Blues How to Get Out of A Rut

6/28/2022

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Around this time of the year I lose access to contentment – I get the “July blues”, it happens every summer.  There is no reason for it, in fact the conditions in my life are never better than they are in summer to relax; my workload is lighter, the weather is often beautiful (always beautiful if you compare it to the weather mid-January in Canada).  My family is happy and healthy, having fun summer adventures, and a vacation is right around the corner.  So what gives?
 
I look for patterns and trends to “diagnose” my rut.  There must be a problem somewhere in there that I can solve; these things don’t just happen for no reason (right?)!  And that is what perpetuates my fugue…an attachment to there being a reason.  Whether there is one or not is less important than my ability to be open to what is happening in the moment and letting that guide me into what is next.  In other words, we cannot find our well-being and contentment in the same place where we lost it. Albert Einstein probably illuminated this best when he said “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Ruts beget deeper ruts if all I focus on is “diagnosing what’s wrong”.
 
So what to do? Remembering that my contentment is always available to me, that it is a constant stream that threads throughout my whole life with perpetual access, is the key.  It is the same for each of us.  I often write about the difficulties of the human way of being, the struggles we each face to be our best, etc.  Here there is a beautiful benefit to being human, for while we may often focus on the things that are not as we want them, the human way of being is a balanced equation.  We may not always get what we want, but we always have access to what we need, as long as we are willing to get out of our own way to access it.
 
Getting out of my way meant not putting so much emphasis on striving to wring every last bit of gratitude and pleasure out of our very short summer season.  To stop comparing my summer to the photos of other people’s summers. To recognize when I put conditions on my enjoyment, like having the “right” summer weather, everyone in a good mood, or a fun, new activity planned (with easy parking).  To be better able to be in the moment, feeling the sunshine on my face, enjoying my garden, listening to the cicadas or tasting the rain.  Counting the stars at night.  Not eliminating my expectations, but recognizing when I have one and checking to see if it is serving my well-being in any meaningful way, and when it doesn’t, giving myself permission to let it go.
 
In a healthy life, peacefulness resides in each of us, but only if we have the courage to embrace it.  Go on, run through your sprinkler, I’ll bet it’s been years since you’ve done that!
Carleen nudged me to change by contemplating and changing both my internal and external environments. I highly recommend working with Carleen."
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Step Into Summer & Away From Burnout

6/28/2022

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Summer is in the air, the kids are out of school and workloads at most jobs are…well they are staying the same. 

There used to be a time when summer meant that work slowed down (unless you were working in an industry that catered to summer).  Today, there is often no change in pace or workload, and going on vacation means you will be treated to an exploding in-box your first day back in the office.  The struggle to hold on to your post-vacation bliss is real.  We can easily lose sight of this important season in the midst of being busy, completely missing the anticipation of summer that we loved so much as kids (the count-down to that last day of school…). 

Particularly here in the northern hemisphere we need to maximize every drop of sunshine we get (blink and it will be winter once more).  How we approach summer and our professional life is largely a matter of perspective and intent – there is room for you to both work and play in the few short months of summer we have, here are some ideas to let you do just that, enjoying all of what summer has to offer (actively stepping away from burnout and stress).

 
A very smart colleague of mine shifts her work habits for the summer by re-stacking her day.   “Core hours at my place of work in the summer are 10-4, so that means I have to be meeting-ready for those hours, but only those hours.”.  She rises at the usual time, getting ready for work, and then she takes her morning coffee and her laptop out to her sunny patio and starts her workday there.
  • “I know I’ll have to be in meetings starting at 10 AM, but putting in a few hours of work in the morning…enjoying the peace and sunshine on my patio feels decadent, a real treat, and I am just as productive, maybe even more so, because I shifted my day.”  “I work hard to be able to afford a patio and other nice things, but all that means nothing if I cannot enjoy them…work to live, not live to work, right?”
 
Another colleague of mine is not so lucky, his place of employment’s core hours don’t change in the summer and are not flexible enough to allow him to work from home every day or for a portion of his morning, but he is also taking advantage of the best of what summer has to offer.  “Working in the downtown core has some disadvantages, commuter traffic and long hours are part of the culture here, so it is easy to lose sight of the advantages it does have.”  He likes to take his lunch-hour (all 60 minutes of it) and enjoy the fine weather, parks and free outdoor concerts that are close to his place of work. 
  • “I always have my phone with me, so it is not like I am missing anything critical at work, plus I am more energized when I get back to the office, invigorated.”  He also takes along a few teammates from work, or uses the opportunity to do some professional networking at restaurant patios.  “People are more open and creative when they are relaxed, more opportunities and ideas have opened up for me and my team because we take a few lunch-hours a week to go enjoy summer.  It fosters a different kind of productivity that is really valuable.”
 
We often struggle to squeeze a Friday or a Monday off of work (or just trying to leave a few hours early) fretting about the work not done because of our selfish desire to enjoy a bit more of the good weather.  As long we continue to look at time off as “nice to have not need to have” we won’t enjoy the time away from work.  Once you have made the decision to re-stack your day or to enjoy your full lunch beak (or leave work early), commit to it or you’ll receive no benefit from it.  You need this - you're worth it. 

Summer is a great time to build within you the capacity to take a meaningful break by putting your work down.  Work will always be waiting for you when you get back, that isn’t going to change.  Attend to how you treat yourself.  Being compassionate and letting yourself enjoy all that this world has to offer you through simple acts of self-care, self-compassion and some childlike curiosity about what would happen if you went for a walk, feeling the sun warming your skin (instead of toiling away at your desk) has much to offer you.  It may surprise you with what it has to offer your ingenuity and productivity too.

 
The other great advantage to creating these little pockets of summer for yourself in your workday is you will be much more able to enjoy your vacation, leaving your work phone and laptop at home and fully immersing yourself in free time and fun. 
  • ​If you only get one longer vacation a year (as many of us do) then this is something you need to practice in advance or you will spend the first half of your summer vacation trying not to think about work.  The “muscle” of letting your work leave your mind while you are enjoying a snippet of summer during the week prepares you to be better able to let it all go when you leave on a vacation. 

No one may be able to help you with (or change) the exploding in-box, but letting it ruin your vacation is a real travesty.  Practice letting your work sit by finding ways to enjoy your whole summer and your vacation will have a bigger impact on your well being, allowing you to tackle that wily inbox with gusto and heart when you get back to the office (sporting your fabulous summer tan).

Plan to enjoy every last drop of your summer.
Through our sessions and assigned coaching practices, I saw my confidence and ability grow ...I could accept new challenges, be open to continuous improvement, face uncertainty with curiosity and foster positive relationships for collaboration."
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Summertime Blues

6/28/2022

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Changing seasons can be a welcome invitation to change up our lives as well.  Summer has landed and with it come shifts in the hours of daylight, work/meeting patterns and possibly your household schedule and “flow” with kids and vacationing family.  We stay up later and see more of our friends; our life schedules may get fuller or less busy depending on what summer brings for you.  Often it can be an easy transition with the support of warm sunshine and relaxed visits, but it can also sharply contrast with feeling like you are the only person ”stuck going to work” or who has to get to bed at a reasonable hour when everyone else seems free to do as they please.  The time between now and when you are able to go on vacation may also stretch out, minutes may feel like hours as you count down to vacation, or you may feel panicked because you do not have the time you need to leave work in a “good place” while you are away.  Summer can be a time of too many hours and not enough; push and pull, fun contrasted with obligations, hurry up and wait for time that evaporates far too quickly (that two-week vacation will be over in a heartbeat).
 
In part what keeps us from enjoying this natural change in life’s rhythm are our own patterns.  It can feel very “heavy” to have to get up in the morning and go to work when your friends aren’t there because they’re away (and you are carrying their workload), or trying to get the kids off to a day-camp at the other end of the city, needing to work late to compensate for the later start.  These are disruptions to our usual day and they can wear on us in ways we are not always aware of, until we start snapping at our loved ones or cutting people off as we get on the bus (or with our cars).  Then we compound any feelings of guilt by telling ourselves we should be happier and in a good place because it is summer!  Summer brings many great things, but there is also a flip side when we are feeling the pinch that comes with change (even temporary change).
 
So, what to do?  Start with self-compassion; if you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed at work because you are minding things for others while they are off, give yourself a little treat. 
  • Do something you wouldn’t normally do, like eat your lunch outside or take coffee breaks that indulge in a summer flavour (ice cream or a cold drink, try something new). 
  • Even a small change, like making yourself a coffee before you hit the shower in the morning can give you more control in your day and feel quite decadent if it is not something you usually do. 
  • Savouring your vacation through anticipation can also be relaxing, as long as you make time to do just that, possibly as you take a more scenic route to drop off the kids or by setting a picture of your vacation destination as the background to your computer desktop. 

​If you are suffering from summer malaise think up one simple thing you can do to be kind to yourself and make it happen.  You will find it gets you through the ups and downs that summer brings, allowing you to support yourself in this short season of change.
Carleen inspired me and helped spark the passion within myself to stretch beyond what at times I thought was possible."
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Why You Need a REAL Vacation

6/27/2022

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but LONG WEEKENDS ARE NOT THE SAME AS VACATIONS, even if you do have a whole summer of them lined up.  
 
Don’t get me wrong, I LOOOOVE long weekends, they are the best (and we have one coming up this weekend – WOOOO HOOOO!)  But, after hearing the third person I’ve talked to recently say they weren’t taking a vacation but were planning long weekends all summer I have some food for thought:

  • Three/four-day weekends are nice, but they don’t provide the physical health benefits that a 7- or 14-day vacation does.  Regular vacations help you to reduce health issues including high blood pressure, high blood sugar and abnormal cholesterol levels; essentially these are the factors that put you at risk for heart disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes. Taking a sustained vacation can make the difference in staying healthy the rest of the year and burning out your health.
  • Those who always take a few consecutive weeks off have advantages over those who don’t.  Over the course of a year the sustained vacation-takers’ productivity will be more consistent than those who did the long weekends instead; they also experience fewer dips and swings in their motivation, focus, energy and creativity throughout the year.
  • The biggest reason why vacations are so Important is they keep the tunnel vision at bay.  They pull you out of the hyper-focus on all the “to do’s”, the expectations, the deadlines… providing a perspective that nourishes all of you, not just the work you do.  
 
Vacations let you live more in the moment, not focused on what has to happen next week or next quarter.  That report you obsessed over last week is already stale-dating itself on a server somewhere and NO ONE CARES. Vacation allows you to get a better perspective through being more present with yourself. Stepping out of the day-to-day also leaves room for being stimulated in new and different ways.  While on vacation, seeing the sights, or doing nothing, you’re using different parts of your brain, solving different problems, or not solving any problems at all (yes, the kids CAN have cake for breakfast… how is it really any different then waffles and syrup?).
 
It takes time for both your body and mind to adjust, to stand down and to trust that you’re not going to have to rev up again to meet the next unexpected challenge.  It takes time to heal from sustain concentration that went on long after you passed the fatigue line to get something done (and how many times have you done that this year… un-huh, you need a real vacation).  No way does that healing take place when you’re only giving yourself 3-4 days in a row before gearing up again.  This is why most employment legislation guarantees 5-10 days of vacation, AND the right to take them consecutively.  Sustained vacation time lets the adrenalin and cortisol subside, lets your heart rate truly slow.  You can set your own schedule, sleeping in… napping!  All of this does wonders to support your body in healing and restoring itself to its “factory settings”.
 
You’re also intentionally stepping away from mental stress – unplugging not just from your keyboard, but from the expectations of others.  Leave the lap top at home. Do not say you’ll be at the meeting next week, in the middle of your vacation, telling yourself “It’s just for an hour”.  It’s not “just an hour”, it’s about thoroughly letting go!  Even if it is just the hour (good luck with that, the e-mail alone will have you saying “while I’m here…”), the cost to your physical and mental health of not staying in vacation mode is massive.  Step away from the emotional roller coaster of meeting other people’s demands and needs.  You do lots of things at work that aren’t necessarily a priority, or even something you enjoy doing.  Vacation is the opposite of all of that; it’s about taking time for yourself, doing what you want, when you want and spending uninterrupted time with your loved ones.
 
And you need a sustained amount of time away from work to make the everyday recede, so you can see what it is you’re meant to be doing with your life with a clarity that almost hurts. To get a glimpse into your truth, that feeling where everything you hold sacred aligns:  your values, your beliefs, your gifts. This window into your soul is so important, it helps you navigate your path, bringing into focus the deepest expression of what is meaningful to you so you can bring it into what you do for a living.  
 
Vacations (real vacations, where you’re away from work for a week or longer) hold this window open, so you’re able to see the possibilities of your own deepest desires.  So, you can see the choices you get to make, the ones that decide how you spend your one precious and beautiful life.
Carleen helped me shape a new perspective on life and made me realize that it’s okay to be happy, whatever that means to me.
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Why We Can’t Succeed Without Failure

6/19/2022

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We have an interesting relationship with failure (culturally speaking).  In that most of us don’t. Have a relationship, that is.
 
No big surprise, this starts early; for most of us failure in school meant reprimands, increased homework or (in my case) tutoring (instead of getting to swim with my friends or watch “Video Hits” after school).  Emotionally, failure creates shame, frustration and overwhelm – a cocktail that is the breeding ground for anxiety and emotional hiding.
 
We all learned when we were pretty young that failure was not a good thing AND it ripples out waves of heartache (via action and consequence).  No surprise then that we don’t talk to each other about our biggest failures.
 
And that’s a missed opportunity.  
 
Failure is inevitable and that’s what makes it an amazing ally on the path to success through learning and growth.  We tend to think of success as this nirvana state, we think growth is when our minds are blown and new opportunities await. Success and growth can be all that, but that’s not the whole story.  Do you remember lying in bed as a kid with growing pains pulsating through your legs? Physically and mentally, growing has an uncomfortable phase on the way to the good stuff.  Once we’re done with the growing pains of youth our continued growth opportunities often come through failure (like it or not you’re human – it comes with the operating system).
 
And that’s why we need to talk about it more with each other. That’s’ why we need to give voice to failure not just as a… well, failing, but as a clear sign of the many ways we’re growing.
 
I’m not suggesting you begin examining all your failures; wallowing in the hot mess that is your “Hell no” closet of self-destructive memories.  That’s not useful.  I have another, gentler way in to strengthening your relationship with failure:

  • One of the companies I had the privilege of working for was an ambitious tech start-up.  They didn’t last long before they ran out of both ambition and money, BUT the key take-away I got from my brief time there was their “DNA Wall”.  
  • On a prominent and long wall in the office they had painted an info-graphic of every mistake they made and how it strengthened and shaped the company.  
  • Failure to meet their first big client’s expectations was a dot on this timeline and what they learned about that experience that made them better, which brought in their next three clients.  
  • Without that first embarrassing failure they wouldn’t have had future success.  
 
They had 15 or so of these examples and it was a brilliant way to reinforce the culture of learning and resilience (particularly in an industry that was, and is, ruthless). 
 
While the business flamed out, the ideas they had went on to create success elsewhere, including that wall of examples that demonstrated how befriending failure, talking about it, normalizing it (making it a bigger than life-sized info-graphic) could not only foster success, but resilience and well-being.
 
These are the kinds of conversations we need to have about failure with each other (and with our kids… minus the wall-sized info-graphic).  There’s a saying that goes “Never let a good crisis go to waste” (Rahm Emanuel, 2008), a tongue-in-cheek reference to finding a way to capitalize on misfortune.  I want to borrow it here: “Never let a good failure go to waste”, within failure is the key to increased future success, but only if you’re willing to see what failure has to offer.
 
Failure is like falling into a hole.  When you don’t give yourself the opportunity to climb out of that hole, a part of you is stuck there forever (emotionally speaking).  But if you look at what happened as an opportunity to learn, you climb out of the failure hole.  Even better, you master the ability to stay out of other similar failure holes because you completed the cycle of learning.  Failure is but one stop in that cycle. 
 
It's also the most important stop.  When you learn something effortlessly, it doesn’t hold its value.  Think of something you aced right from the start at work; it likely wasn’t memorable and you likely don’t go back to using it a lot because it doesn’t hold any challenge of growth opportunities for you.  Now, think of something that put up more of a street-fight for you to master.  You likely use that a lot more often, and feel a pinch of pride each time you do.
 
Let’s talk more often of how we failed and what that empowered you to do because you took the courageous step to learned from it.  Let’s make failure a friend and ally, rather than a source of shame and fear.  “If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer.  If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow.” (tinybuddha.com).
 
How much better does your work and career look to you when you normalize this every-day thing, and make failure a step to your success?
Working with Carleen influenced how I see myself in the working environment, and how I feel while doing my work."
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Why You Can't Catch a Break at Work (Where I bust a myth and explain a trap)

6/10/2022

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Something I see professionals struggle with every day is the concept of looking weak at work.  It’s not something anyone wants to do.  But like beauty, weakness is in the eye of the beholder.
 
Being “emotional” at work is assumed to be a sign of weakness.  Sometimes so is asking for help. Yet, these are the very things we need to connect to others and grow at work (and if neither of those things are happening consistently for you right now, here’s some help).
 
Hiding your emotions at work is different than managing your emotions.  When you hide your emotions, you hide ALL OF THEM.  As an example:
  • In addition to holding back frustration you also hold back empathy, joy, etc. (we’re all like this, it’s a human operating system quirk).  
  • When all your emotions are being dampened you (unintentionally) become less expressive, less relatable and people will assume things about you in the void - not all of them good, as my next example illustrates.
 
They say you never hear anything good about yourself when you eavesdrop, and boy is that true.  
  • Many years ago, while working in HR I overheard two people talking about me, with one remarking to the other “I just don’t know if I can trust her.  She seems so stand-offish.  Like when we were sharing how hard it was to write your own self-review, she didn’t really seem to care.”  
  • I was crushed – this was the opposite of how I thought I was being at work, so where was the disconnect?
 
If you’ve met me (or seen my video content), you’ll know I have a very expressive face (poker is not my game).  But this conversation happened at a time when I was very unhappy at work and hiding it; it sends a really bad message when HR is unhappy at an organization, so I thought I was doing the right thing.  But what I was really doing was making things worse by creating other unforeseen and negative consequences for me in my role.  It felt like I just couldn’t catch a break.
 
So, what would managing my emotions (versus hiding them) have looked like?  
  • Managing my emotions in that frustrating period means I would’ve used them as information, letting myself explore what was at the heart of my unhappiness.  

The myth with emotions is this; if you let yourself go to the dark and scary place you’ll be trapped there feeling it forever.  Not so. Thankfully emotions are not traps but weather.  Like weather, emotions come and go; as long as you prepare for it, you won’t get soaked and it always changes.
 
If I’d let myself use my emotions as information, I would’ve had the grace to see my options, giving me relief in the short-term AND supporting my career desires in the long-term. I would’ve had a conversation with my boss about how I was feeling.  Not a messy, overwhelming flood of expression that swamped them, but a considerate dialogue where my feelings and concerns could be stated, explored and understood by someone who was in a position to help me.
 
Which brings us to asking for help.  
 
In my current work as a coach, I often hear how afraid professionals are to ask for help at work.  Not just because it might make them look bad, but because they have reached an emotional point where they can’t trust themselves to have the conversation without a flood of emotion coming out unchecked.  So, they don’t, and that circles them back to emotional hiding. 
 
It's a vicious, vicious, cycle.
 
The move here is to have the conversation before you’re so emotional about something you can’t have the conversation.  Seems obvious, right?  Ever notice how obviousness is not especially helpful?   I feel you.  In most jobs we’re rewarded for doing work well, with expertise and little help.  The message is you’re only successful if you can work independently.  

This is actually a trap; one where you don’t build up your “ask it” muscle and so when you need it, it’s not there.  It’s possible to be both independent in your work and a regular receiver of help.
 
Here's an exercise to strengthen your “ask it” muscle.  
  • ​Use your natural curiosity to ask one intentional question a day at work.  
  • Questions like “If it were up to you, how would you approach this?” or “Could you let me know how this met your expectations?”  
  • You can even do it for non-work-related things, like “Your bike is awesome, do you mind me asking where you got it?”  
  • Make a point to ask one open and curious question a day, doing so with different people over time.
 
When you’re used to asking questions, and inviting the kind of dialog curiosity creates, it’s less intimidating to ask for help in other ways AND you’ve already set the expectation that you make requests (so this is less of a departure from your everyday way of working).  With a well-developed “ask it” muscle, you’re more likely to ask for help before you get emotionally backed up.  And if you’re deeply frustrated, using your emotions as information can help you discern who and how to ask for help.
 
It’s not a weakness to express what you’re thinking and feeling at work when done consciously (no hiding).  It’s not a weakness to ask for help.  If you’re worried about looking weak, be careful you’re not isolating yourself, creating the perfect conditions to oscillate between feeling too emotional to express yourself and not asking for help, sinking deeper into the fugue without being able to catch a break when you need it most.
Carleen helped push me to review my interactions with my peers, and like-minded leaders to be a more effective networker and champion for the cause behind which I now found myself leading."
You deserve to catch a break at work.  If that's not happening let's chat and see how I can help.
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The Invisible Rules Affecting Your Happiness at Work

6/7/2022

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“My burnout is my fault”
 
This was one of the most devastating conversations I’ve ever had with a burned-out professional.
 
“I get excited about what I can do, and then I take on so much work that I have to work longer hours to get it all done.  I love what I do, I just want to contribute and to do it well.”
 
That level of enthusiasm shouldn’t lead to burnout.  Passion for what you do so well at work shouldn’t lead to harm (exhaustion, cynicism, imposter syndrome, etc.)  
 
AND if you feel you need to put in “extra’ to make things happen, that’s worth unpacking. 

  • Do you believe it has to be perfect?  
  • Are you putting in twice as much effort to be “as good” as others?  
  • Do you assume you’re not going to get listened to (acceptance/approval, etc.) unless your argument is both gripping and has merit?  
  • Are you worried if it’s too simple it won’t be valued?  
  • Have you sensed you need to be “the best” at something to be respected?
 
What are the invisible rules at play, pushing you past your healthy boundaries?  
 
These invisible rules have a name; they’re called “mindsets”.  Mindsets are like a coin, on the one side is the supportive way they help you move through your work, and on the other side are the ways they can sabotage you when it’s over-used.  That’s right, the same mindset can be both helpful and hurtful.
 
“My burnout is my fault” came from a career of making the near impossible happen at work, something this professional was not only really good at, but had taken on as an identity.  As time went on it was getting harder to do; not only had their organization’s needs changed over time, but this individual’s personal circumstances changed too.  They had a growing family, financial responsibilities.  But their mindset was “make it happen”.  The invisible rule was “YOU have to make it happen to keep being valuable”.
 
Hyper-identifying with making the impossible happen at work meant the organization kept this person in the same position for years, thinking no one else could do what they did.  While that meant this individual was well compensated, over time they felt like they were being taken for granted.  They received more and more of the same near-impossible work with less and less meaningful recognition.  No one at work seemed to care about the sacrifices this person was making to get it all done.
 
This individual knew the consequences for their team if they left (disaster), and they didn’t want to do that to people they liked and respected.  Plus, they were so busy they didn’t have time to take care of themselves, never mind look for another opportunity.
 
They felt trapped, and it was having an impact on their health and family life.
 
Whatever motivates you to push past your work/life boundaries and encroach on your personal time, it comes on a continuum:

  • At the healthy end of this continuum, you’re motivated, engaged, creative or confident and energized by what you do.  
  • On the unhealthy end you’re exhausted, frustrated, pressurized, overwhelmed, over-worked and possibly bored.  
 
What this points to is summed up by the saying: “What got you here won’t keep you here”; the healthy mindset that got you here (and its invisible rules) might also make it very hard to break free.
 
So, what if you challenged those invisible rules?  What if you said “Eff the status-quo” and made a change?
 
What would happen?
 
Here’s some surprising GOOD NEWS.  It’s like changing your hair style.  When you head out with your “new do” you’re expecting others to exclaim “Oh, you changed your hair!”, but unless it’s a really drastic change most people either:
  • Don’t notice
  • Say something like “You look different today, is that new shirt?”
 
The majority of people in your life don’t notice the change to your hair at all, even though it may have been a MOMENTOUS CHANGE for you.
 
It’s like that when you make most changes.  For our trapped professional the path away from burnout risk was similar.  They started with one momentous change for themselves, that they thought would get them fired, and in the end was barely noticed.  They stopped working 50 hours or more a week.  
 
Not all at once, they started what we called “The Reclamation Project” where they worked an hour less each work day for a few weeks.  Adjustments to expectations were made at work, and no one flinched or got reprimanded.  Then the reclamation project moved on to working 2 hours less each day.  Slowly, and with many wobbles (it took time and practice, overcoming obstacles over a number of months), this individual put back the healthy boundaries between work and home… and they did not get fired.  
 
What they got was this:
  • As they slowly pulled back their work hours, they negotiated for what they needed; more support, delegation, extended deadlines, different expectations based on what was possible, not just what was wanted.  Their organization adjusted with them and had no issues with these well-thought-out changes (a great surprise to this individual).
  • They asked for, and received, verbal feedback and recognition that was meaningful to them.
  • Their annual salary increased (as it did every year due to the incredible work they did), AND when calculated as an hourly rate (because they now worked 10 fewer hours each week) it made them feel more valued (it made for quite an hourly pay bump).
  • With more time to themselves, this professional re-started self-care they enjoyed, making them feel better mentally and physically.
  • Their family life became less chaotic and more pleasurable.
 
This individual had a new lease on life AND their career.  It re-fuelled their passion for what they did, allowing them to plan for what they wanted to do in the next phase of their career.  And they saw how they could do that where they worked, because they knew they were valued for more than just what they could do for their organization today.
 
Here's the best part: ANYONE CAN HAVE THESE RESULTS.
 
You’re not at fault for being at risk for burnout (or getting burned out).  But the responsibility for caring for yourself rests in your hands.
 
And you don’t have to do this alone.  Here’s what I want you to know:
  • Feeling stuck is not something you need to tolerate (really, I work with professionals all the time to create viable options for themselves from stuck-ness with no career-limiting moves).
  • You don’t have to keep doing the thing your recognized for if you’re bored and ready to move on (there are ways to move on that empower others and yourself).
  • Let’s chat and see if there are ways I can help you.
Carleen inspired me and helped spark the passion within myself to stretch beyond what at times I thought was possible. She nudged me to change by contemplating and changing both my internal and external environments. I highly recommend working with Carleen."
Want to create a work life you can love? Let’s chat and see if there are ways I can help you.
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    I believe in empowering others in many tangible ways.  When I learn new career strategies  or see something that might help others, I share it using my blog and website. 

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