5 Steps to Emotional Empowerment

Fun fact, blind spots (those things you do that hold you back at work, but you don’t know you do them) are directly related to the emotions you avoid feeling.
 
OK, so maybe that’s a not so fun a fact.  But there are always things you can do about blind spots.
 
If you don’t know how to work with feeling vulnerable, shame, anger, disappointment, etc. at work, you have blind spots that will affect both the way you are perceived by others and the depth of your impact at work. 
 
We all avoid unwelcome emotions; this is very human (no shame-baths!).  The step here is to continually commit to identifying those unwelcome emotions when they are present using them as insight, rather than reacting in the moment (keep reading, I have a simple system to press pause on those emotions so you can use them as insight). 
 
There are also those circumstances where you’re OK to feel unwelcome emotions.  This makes it confusing to illuminate blind spots because they impact your career when circumstance meets unwelcome emotion in particular contexts.
 
Let me explain:

• The biggest context difference between work and your personal life is acceptance.  My wish for each and every one of you is to have unconditional love in your life, but that context is generally only found with loved ones, not on-the-job. 

 

• Work is conditional; you know you need to perform, meeting expectations consistently, to continue your professional working relationship (acceptance).  You do not need to be perfect at work (not only is that impossible, but if you feel you will get fired at the slightest mistake you and I need to talk immediately, because that is deeply unhealthy and you have options).

 
Managing unwelcome emotions within a context where you don’t always have access to acceptance is really difficult (and spawns all kinds of blind spots).  So, to help with feeling all the feels at work and illuminating blind spots before they impact your career, here is my Blind Spot Pause Blueprint (with sentence stems to help ask for what you need):

1. Practice the pause:  Caught off-guard?  Feeling something you don’t want to?  When that happens, you breathing gets really shallow (fight, flight or freeze is kicking in) so give yourself a moment to catch up to your emotions by taking three, deep, slow breaths. “This is important, please give me a moment to collect my thoughts”
2. Accept that emotion is present: You may not be able to sift through what you are feeling and name the emotion during an exchange with someone else, but do accept that you are feeling something really strong and it can put you at risk of reacting rather than responding. “I am having a strong response to this, because I care about what we do.” At this point if you feel you are at high risk of reacting, know you can always ask for more time: “I need some time to think about what you have said, could we meet again this afternoon when I’ll be better able to speak to the concerns you’ve raised?” 
3. Understand how the other person feels:  One of the things that may trigger fight, flight or freeze is your perception of how this other person feels.  If it’s clear because they stated their feelings, great.  If they didn’t, understanding them is important to help you in connecting to them and accurately determine your next steps. “I know you care a lot about this too, is it truthful to say you are [confused, angry, disappointed, etc.]?” or “I know you care a lot about this too, how does [name the circumstance] make you feel?”
4. State what is happening:  To ensure you have accurately captured what is going on, state it for the other person to check and clarify: “I want to make sure I fully understand your concerns. You are [emotion they are feeling] because [context].  Do I understand this accurately?”  You may need to adjust your understanding, and re-state what is happening based on their feedback – keep doing that until the other person confirms you’ve got it.
5. Empathize:  Empathy is the best balm to soothe a conflict.  Begin with empathizing with yourself, giving yourself compassion for stumbling into something that you didn’t intend, or may not have even created, but are implicated in and need to resolve.  Voice empathy for this other person to help them see you are with them and willing to support what needs to happen next (even if you are not the person responsible, you can support raising awareness, compassion, etc.). “It’s important to address your concerns, that last thing I want is for you to feel disappointed with all the effort that went into this.  Let’s figure out the next steps to get this back on track.” or “Let me think on this and come back to you with the next steps…”

​Blind spots don’t have to negatively affect your career impact.  Regardless of which blind spots you have (and remember, we all have them), my Blind Spot Pause Blueprint will help ensure you give yourself what you need, in a circumstance where others have different or competing needs.
 
Being open to unwelcome emotions is an empowering choice; one you need to make again and again in work and life.
 
You’ve got this.

Want to see your blind spots?  I have a tool that will light them up!  Book a call today!

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