4 Easy Tips So You Can Disagree with Your Boss and Thrive at Work

Ever felt like you were about to lose your cool at work because of a decision your boss was making?
 
That’s exactly what my client was experiencing, and she’d reached out just in case she ended up losing it (her cool and her job).  I’d helped her with career transition in the past, but what she didn’t know when she called was that I would help her keep her job AND disagree with her boss too.
 
Every professional has a “line in the sand” that cannot be crossed. Many don’t know what to do when, inevitably, even the most well-intentioned boss crosses it.  Whether it’s interrupting you when you have the floor in a meeting, constantly reversing positions on an urgent issue, or making a short-sighted decision that has inescapable future risks (only you can see) there will be times when you need to disagree with your boss.
 
Here’s why.  In today’s modern organizations, professionals have more insight supporting business impact than at any other point in history.  Flat, agile organizations rely on both hard data and experienced insight, because with the pace of today’s workplaces your boss no longer knows all the same things you do (like they would have in the 1960’s).  Sure, your boss may have more years under their belt, but by mid-career most professionals are in roles where your organization relies on your professional acumen, bringing different perspectives and information to the table that are specific to your unique field of view in the organization.  So, one of your unenviable tasks is to disagree with your boss as a way to strengthen organizational decision making on key issues.
 
Or, as my client put it, you need to “poke the bear”.  Here’s how do that and live to see your career flourish.

• Build what you need before you need it.  There is an alarming belief that being “good” at work means you never sponsor disagreement or conflict.  Conflict has a bad rap, but it’s vital to organizational performance and your career, but not the unprofessional drama-based conflict that comes to mind.  This is the professional, sometimes heated debate, that is needed to deeply explore issues and options that may not be popular or carry a higher element of risk (i.e., healthy conflict). Before you have one of these conversations you need to build the expectation with your boss that they will happen. Have discussions about your way forward in a disagreement (including how no one will take them personally) so this debate can benefit your boss, organization, and ultimately your career future.
  
  “Remember that series of conversations we had a few months back about not always being in a position to agree with each other?  I have a different perspective on the decision you’re making, and I’d like you to hear me out so we can look at options we may not have considered, but could move us closer to the result we all need with less cost…”

 

• Start with the common goal.  The cornerstone of disagreeing professionally is demonstrating your intention to honour what you both share; specifically, stating the outcome, impact or result you know your boss (and the organization) needs.  Signalling that clearly before you go into alternate options, benefits or highlighting risks does two key things; one, it de-personalizes your critique of your boss’s approach and two, it gives you a window to work in based on “the benefit of the doubt”.  While your boss may not initially agree with your opinion, they will give you more time to explain your position if they’re assured it’s in service to getting to a place they want to go.
  
  “We know this project needs to be a success.  Specifically, we need to meet all our new client’s expectations, while lowering our cost for delivering this work – our reputation is riding on this.  My team has come up with a way we can move our margins from 5% to 12% on this project.  This could be achieved by rethinking…”

 

• Respect.  Respect. Respect.  You need to trust yourself to both have made the right call AND communicate with integrity which, includes demonstrating respect for you and your boss.  This means: your words, tone of voice and body language need to match your intention (and certainty) in bringing this contentious issue/idea forward.  This also signals your goal is not unhealthy conflict (or undermining your boss), but clarity on viable options that support everyone’s ongoing success at work.  You can’t do that if you don’t respect yourself AND your boss… and have been consistent in demonstrating that respect before a disagreement pops up.
  
  “I respect your concern around the time it will take to do this.  There is a greater risk we’ll slip our current deadline with this approach.  That said, the intention here is to find cost savings that won’t impact our delivery - if we ask the client now for a one-week extension to our initial deadline, we’ll realize these cost savings with no risk to our quality and reputation.”

 

• Earned Trust.  Your boss needs to trust you in order to entertain the idea of having healthy debate and disagreement as a natural part of your ways of working.  For that you need to earn their trust, and vice-versa.  Keep in mind, you don’t need to like your boss to trust that they will listen when it’s in their best interests to do so. You also don’t need to be liked to be considered reliable, informed and trustworthy.  You simply need to be consistent in your respect and intentions not just for what you do, but how you do it.  That’s why asking for the opportunity to disagree with your boss is key, but so is giving your boss every reason to give that opportunity to you.

 
My client was able to disagree with her boss and thrive.  She invested in a tight and timely mini-coaching program (over just a few days) where she built the confidence and awareness she needed to get in front of her boss, and respectfully disagree with their position.  She’ll tell you it was far from perfect, but because she maintained her conviction and open-ness to healthy debate, she communicated with respect, influencing a far better outcome then the original one her boss was heading towards.
 
And, she received a promotion out of it.  Not immediately, but within the year she became the boss.  Not an outcome she was expecting when she called me out of concern for her career’s future.
 
You don’t have to face all your career challenges alone; coaching can be strategic, timely and (best of all), pay for itself.

Carleen introduced me to options I didn't even know I had at work.  This was key to me making strong choices that supported what I wanted in my career.  It was easier than I thought once I started working with someone who had been there."

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