1 Insight Driving Your Impact

​Someone in my social circle this week said the seeds to our own success or failure are sown in our childhood. I had a strong response to that.  
 
My nature is to believe that we always have choice, that anyone could get to wherever they want to go in work and life if that’s what they want, regardless of their past.  
 
An optimistic point of view?  Yes, very. 
 
While everyone has choice in their life, the journey is different for each of us, and the barriers you did, or didn’t, have in childhood determine the level of difficulty you experience in getting where you want to go in adulthood.
 
It’s important to recognize that personal choice comes from having two very specific things throughout your early life (and beyond); the economic and emotional support needed to empower your full potential.  Not everyone gets enough of both of these two vital things growing up.  
 
Not surprisingly, economic stability alone is not enough to provide everything a person needs to be successful on their own terms, emotional support plays an even bigger role then economics (and economics plays a huge role).

• If in your childhood your care-givers were emotionally supportive of you (meeting or exceeding your unique and basic emotional needs), it creates a set of values you’ll live by – they may be different than that of others in your family, but your value set is likely similar or complimentary to that of your loved ones, leading to feelings of belonging, respect and safety.  

 

• If your emotional needs were not met (or met inconsistently) throughout childhood, that also creates a set of values you’ll live by, however it may mean your value set is different than your care-givers/family, which may lead to disagreement, conflict and feeling like you do not belong, are not respected or (at its extreme) you are not safe (psychologically and/or physically).

 
Values are part of our emotional navigation system, they are an expression of how you want to show up in the world, and while they evolve over time, at their core they are encoded to your unique needs as a person.  
 
As a very young child you worked hard to be how your care-givers/parents wanted you to be because your safety was completely dependent on them accepting you (and continuing to accept you).  Children don’t have choice.  
 
So, the emotional support you received (or didn’t receive) in childhood contributes significantly to your values as an adult, which impacts your path to success at work; emotional support in childhood creates what I call your success imprint. 
 
This is what it looks like. If as a child you were predominantly:

• 1. Recognized (or at least not punished) for following “the rules” while at home; being seen and not heard, keeping your room clean, etc. 

  OR

• 2. Rewarded for being (or assigned to be) the one who could provide for self/others (a paper route or other paid job as an example) or care for self/others (tidying, child-minding, cooking, etc.).

  OR

• 3. Given positive attention when (and maybe only when) you had an accomplishment, like A+’s, winning a trophy, a scholarship, etc. because of recognition from an outside party that gave you/your family more esteem.  

You may value:

• If you were predominantly a 1 above: Certainty, rules, meeting expectations
• If you were predominantly a 2 above: Caring/nurturing others, providing for them materially and/or emotionally
• If you were predominantly a 3 above:  Accomplishment, accolades, title, material signs of success

 
These are but 3 examples (there are MANY more, so if you didn't see yourself above there are different examples for you too); they illustrate how unconsciously you may continue to use what you learned as a child to drive your success at work.  Your success imprint can help you to do amazing and great things, but it also creates blind spots that may hold you back:

• If you were predominantly a 1 above: A need to be certain may mean you are really dependable, but could also mean you don’t contribute your expertise as much in uncertain circumstances (like when things are ambiguous, or people are unknown), or you will move to action only when things are clear (reducing your impact).
• If you were predominantly a 2 above: You care so much about what others think/need you are very supportive resource to them, but could also mean you may work long hours to provide that support, and not support your own needs (leading to being taken for granted by others, or burned out).
• If you were predominantly a 3 above: Your focus on achievement and results means you are a strong contributor to your organization, but it may also mean you’re not as aware of how you make yourself or others feel along the way (possibly stepping on the needs of others without realizing, or caring, along your path to success, or expecting a punishing level of perfectionism from yourself).

 
Here’s the 1 insight driving your impact:  these blind spots are hard to see because they masquerade as values and reflect your emotional needs, but on the path to success they will limit your impact and/or the enjoyment of your career and life.
 
There are ways to illuminate your blind spots, challenging them while still living your values and meeting your unique emotional needs.  If you want more choice at work, if you’d like to have greater impact or to enjoy more of what you do, I can help.
 
Knowing your success imprint, how it both supports AND sabotages your career, can empower you to use your emotions as insight (rather than a call-to-action), building on your strengths by creating new habits that support both your needs and increase the value of your expertise at work.

Want to see your blind spots?  
​I have a tool that will light them up, letting you see what's in your way.  Let's chat.

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