My fingers are poised above the keyboard ready to write, when the irony of this particular journal post hits me. Something I am feeling keenly at the moment is a lack of healthy boundaries, so I welcome this month's theme. Healthy boundaries the ability to take the longer view of my life and career so they support what I want to bring into this world, and they are eating the dust of my pace as I motor through my days. Striving to balance being of service to others with my own personal needs (being the parent and spouse I feel drawn to be) means there are too few hours in each day. I am struck by just how lose/lose this way of working is, which brings on feelings of loss. A loss of connection to myself (when did I become this person?).
These consequences simply become part of the fabric of who you are...
Except, there really is nothing I want to say "no" to. This is the pinch of healthy boundaries; I want to do it all. I feel compelled to honour the deep trust and partnership I hold with my clients with being present for my family during what is a challenging time for us. This is a slippery slope, giving in to what I want, while ignoring what I really need. Nothing in life seems to move forward (or mean anything) without some kind of personal sacrifice. However, when sacrificing needs becomes a way of life, the inevitable consequences aren't necessarily swift or dire, just soul destroying. These consequences simply become part of the fabric of who you are and how you are experienced by others (and not always in a good way). It is the sowing of malignant seeds that lock you into elevated expectations (others and your own), unsustainable thresholds of productivity and teaches those who love you to do with less of your presence, your touch, your love.
What ultimate purpose are you fulfilling and how are you fulfilling it?
Healthy boundaries start with having a vision for your life and work; an intriguing and realistic vision that expresses the values and intentions you want to put into the world. Then, it's giving yourself permission to pull back from the day-to-day rush to re-examine where you are within that vision, and make adjustments. How are you serving your vision? How is it serving you? What ultimate purpose are you fulfilling and how are you fulfilling it? The world needs each of us, but we can only truly be of service when we are whole and well. What healthy adjustments are calling to you? Listen, and then ask for what you need.
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I believe in giving back to others in many tangible ways. When I learn something new, or see something that might help others, I share it using my blog and website. You can always find my latest blog entries here, on Facebook or Linked In.