I’m comfortable with my own emotions (both welcome and unwelcome), and the emotions of others (welcome and unwelcome) at work
Nope...
Hassan had a difficult morning, between the baby being colicky and a really bad internet connection (so bad he missed a meeting), he is being irritable and doesn’t know it. When a colleague calls him out for not listening on their team call Hassan is defensive and argues he was listening because he doesn’t want to have to deal with someone else’s “issues”, nor admit he is struggling to keep up at work today…
- Blind Spot: Not being able to connect to your unwelcome emotions.
- Hidden Habit: Denying the impact “life happens” has on you and your ability to be empathetic towards yourself, others …or your ability be productive at work.
When it’s safe…
Hassan had a difficult morning, between the baby being colicky and a really bad internet connection (so bad he missed a meeting), he is being irritable and admitted as much to his spouse (who agreed with him). Later in the day when a colleague calls him out for not listening on their team call Hassan is defensive and argues he was listening because he doesn’t want to have to deal with someone else’s “issues”, nor admit he is struggling to keep up at work today…
- Blind Spot: Not being able to recognize someone else is having an emotional reaction.
- Hidden Habit: Not being aware that as a beautiful human you will sometimes make emotional decisions rather than common sense ones, and the impact that creates.
For some things...
Hassan realized he was having a difficult morning for a variety of reasons (none of which were in his control) and it was making him irritable. After sending an e-mail apologizing for a missed meeting and then letting his spouse know he was sorry that he’d been irritable, he re-scheduled his next meeting to go for a short walk to re-set. When he was back for an important team meeting he was more focused, and even though a colleague called him out for not listening, he was able to keep his cool and demonstrate he had heard every word.
- Blind Spot: Not being able to acknowledge when someone else is having an emotional reaction.
- Hidden Habit: Not seeing the opportunity to be demonstrably empathetic towards a colleague who may be having a bad day.
A lot...
Hassan realized he was having a difficult morning for a variety of reasons (none of which were in his control) and it was making him irritable. After sending an e-mail apologizing for a missed meeting and then letting his spouse know he was sorry that he had been irritable (with a hug), he re-scheduled his next meeting to go for a short walk to re-set. When he was back for an important team meeting he was more focused, and even though a colleague called him out for not listening, he was able to keep his cool and demonstrate he had heard every word. He then asked his colleague if everything was alright, and was told “Everything’s fine”.
- Blind Spot: You’re headed in the right direction; staying aware of how you are feeling will allow you to be resilient with the emotions of others so you can skilfully pursue an area of concern.
- Hidden Habit: Not pursuing the opportunity to have a timely and difficult conversation in private.
Yes, always!
Hassan realized he was having a difficult morning for a variety of reasons (none of which were in his control) and it was making him irritable. After sending an e-mail apologizing for a missed meeting and then letting his spouse know he was sorry that he had been irritable (with a hug), he re-scheduled his next meeting to go for a short walk to re-set. When he was back for an important team meeting he was more focused, and even though a colleague called him out for not listening, he was able to keep his cool and demonstrate he had heard every word. He then asked his colleague if everything was alright, and was told “Everything’s fine”. After the meeting Hassan asked to speak to this colleague privately via video conference, letting him know he felt unclear about what had happened in the meeting today and wanted to talk about it. His colleague sank back in his chair defeated and apologized “It’s not you, it’s me – the baby kept us up all night and today has been one challenge after another!”. Hassan asked his colleague if he would like to talk about it, and then listened carefully. His colleague appreciated the compassion, and was much warmer and considerate going forward.
- Blind Spot: Great moves! It can be very rewarding to extend empathy to others in meaningful ways that build understanding and stronger relationships. Continue to keep an eye on healthy balance with respect to how much you give of yourself to others (you can’t pour from an empty cup).
- Hidden Habit: Be sure to foster healthy two-way relationships where you receive as much as you give – it’s easy to fall into the role of being a shoulder to lean on, but your needs matter too and it’s only a “relationship” if it works well both ways.