Hopefully you are reading this curled up at home, enjoying the warm afterglow of the holidays and looking forward to what the New Year will bring.  New Year’s is often bitter sweet for me; it signals the end of the holiday season (here in North America), and a return to work (with the next break very far off in the distance).  It can be overwhelming to think of all the things I want to change in the next year, and the barrage of suggestions from social media and magazines doesn’t always bring comfort.

So, may I suggest the un-resolution list?  This is the list of things you did that went well last year; decisions you made, new habits you formed, self-care practices, etc.  A list of the things that you enjoyed, felt right, and contributed to your wellness and wholeness last year.  This is a powerful list to compose for yourself – it doesn’t have to be long (although if you give yourself a bit of time, a glass of something good and some soft music playing in the background I’ll bet your list grows longer then you thought it could).  Once you have it, make a commitment to do more of those things in this New Year.

The un-resolution list is a fabulous way to support yourself going forward, because these are things you already know how to do, and you know they work.  Give yourself permission to enjoy all of the potential your career and life have to offer you.  Work to live, not live to work.

2020’s resource focus will be on wholeness.  I’ll explore topics from building healthy boundaries to career development planning; emotional intelligence in real life, to listening to what our own bodies are trying to tell us.  Essentially, putting working life needs front and center, so you can focus on actioning your un-resolution list.  Along the way I’ll share valuable resources and, of course, weekly blogs allowing us to travel this path together.

Lists grow long during times of celebration in our lives. From deadlines at work to meet the calendar year-end, to the long list of things you want to remember for family gatherings and special recognition of the one’s you love.  Quick question; are you making this season about your list, or the people on it?

Can you remember what you received as gifts last year?  Or what food was served on New Year’s Eve?  Likely there are one or two things that stand out from previous year’s celebrations, but they are not likely to be material things.  Social convention can quickly feed into the more material aspects of celebration; the best food, the perfect gifts, presenting a “camera ready” home.  Yet, in the end, it is kindness that is remembered, the majority of the rest becomes “debt debris” on your credit card.

Maya Angelou offers great wisdom to hold close at this time of year: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  How do you make the people around you feel?  How would you like to make them feel?  Make time for the little things, the kind word, small gesture, reassuring smile or an offer to sit and chat.  While purchasing someone the gift they mentioned creates a lovely response, it is not as remarkable as kindness (and while kindness is a gift, it doesn’t mean you have to buy something to be kind). 

From doing something thoughtful for a boss, co-worker or a friend (like letting them know how they’ve contributed to more meaning in your working life), to making time for loved one’s over the holiday season (being spontaneous, inviting them in even if the house isn’t tidy), these are the things that make a difference and will be remembered. Rather than a list of things you want to do this holiday season, make a new list.  A list of how you want to feel (and how you’d like to contribute to making others feel) – that list will put you right in the path of kindness.  It’s the little things that make a big difference.  

At this time of year, we are focused on acts of giving, but there is an important counter-action to giving; receiving.  It may seem counter-intuitive, but the act of receiving is a complicated one, yet one that is worth examining as we head into the season of giving.  On the surface it seems easy enough, someone gives you something and you express gratitude, and the majority of time that may be exactly what happens.  However, how well do you receive a compliment? 

It is not always comfortable to acknowledge a compliment; sometimes receiving is a complex action because the gift (anything from a smile to a compliment) takes you by surprise, or receiving it requires something of you that you may not have available (which is no reflection on the gift giver).  For a variety of reasons, you may feel uncomfortable or even unwilling to receive what is being offered, even though it may be given in a heartfelt way.  Receiving requires an act of self-confidence, an act of celebration, honouring your worth thorough the kind intentions of others.

The next time someone compliments your work, check in to see how that makes you feel.  Ashamed (I am not worthy of this compliment)?  Vulnerable (I do that well, but there is so much else I need to fix)?  Something else that you’d rather not feel (put your words here…).  This is a sign you are not able to let your hard work, worth, value or the difference you make, touch you.  When you don’t let what you do for a living touch you, you are unable to let your work nourish you, contributing to depletion and burnout.  Practice receiving a compliment; smile and say a heartfelt “Thank-you”.  That is all that is required, and then feel the warmth your acknowledgement brings to both you and the gift giver.

While a lot of societal value is placed on giving, receiving is an equally important act because it is necessary for giving to take place in a meaningful way.  As you head into the final days of 2019, reflect on your ability to receive as a mirror of your own self-confidence, and the value your awareness here may hold for yourself in owning your gifts.  Consider the importance of understanding your gifts, and letting them sustain you – it’s not like compliments come every day.  It begins with the act of heart-felt receiving, creating shared meaning and warmth at a time when we all may need it most.
 
“At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient... only the universe rearranging itself.” - Jon Kabbat-Zinn