I’ve established clear boundaries between home and work that support my mental health and overall well-being.

Nope...

Bruce was overwhelmed and feeling like a failure.  He had a lot of work piling up and would need MANY off-hours to get it done.  Plus, he’d just been saddled with a last-minute client presentation and his boss said it had to be done tonight!  After completing his last video conference of the day Bruce went into the family kitchen to grab a coffee - his son was over-joyed to see him.  “Dad, you’re done work!  We can go on the big bike ride to the river tonight!!”.  Internally Bruce cringed, turning away from his son while refilling his cup he said: “Sorry buddy, that’ll have to wait, Dad has a big project due tomorrow.”  Bruce didn’t want to see his son’s disappointment and he felt like he was failing everywhere in his life.
 
  • Blind Spot:  Defaulting to others to decide what is on your plate at work because they are higher up in the organization than you.
  • Hidden Habit:  Not taking a realistic look at your day so you can plan for the important things before the urgent items and advocate accordingly.

When it’s safe…         

Bruce was overwhelmed and feeling like a failure.  He had a lot of work piling up and would need MANY off-hours to get it done.  Plus, he’d just been saddled with a last-minute client presentation and his boss wanted it done tonight, if possible.  After completing his last video conference of the day Bruce went to the family kitchen to grab a coffee - his son was over-joyed to see him.  “Dad, you’re done work!  We can go on the big bike ride to the river tonight!!”.  Internally Bruce cringed, turning away from his son to get his refill he said: “Sorry buddy, that’ll have to wait, Dad has a big project due tomorrow.”  Bruce saw his son’s disappointment which made him feel like even more of a failure.  He thought “I could get some of the presentation done tonight and work on the rest tomorrow afternoon, so maybe we could play catch for a short while…”. The next day Bruce’s boss was fuming that the presentation wasn’t done by noon.
 
  • Blind Spot:  Not catching on to ambiguous statements that make expectations hard to navigate (what does “if possible” really mean?).
  • Hidden Habit:  Leaning too heavily into the ambiguity of someone else’s request and assuming it won’t come back to bite you later on.

For some things...

Bruce was overwhelmed and feeling depleted.  He had a lot of work piling up and would need off-hours to do it.  Plus, he’d just been saddled with a last-minute client presentation and his boss wanted it done tonight, if possible – Bruce said he’d try but made no promises.  After completing his last video conference of the day Bruce went to the family kitchen to grab a coffee - his son was over-joyed to see him.  “Dad, you’re done work!  We can go on the big bike ride to the river tonight!!”.  Internally Bruce cringed, turning away from his son to get his refill he said “Sorry buddy, that’ll have to wait, Dad has a big project due tomorrow.”  Bruce saw his son’s disappointment and remembered he only had tonight left to spend with him before his son went back to his Ex for 2 weeks.  He thought “I could push working on that presentation to tomorrow night when he’s with my Ex… so we could go for a shorter bike ride together tonight...”. The next day Bruce’s boss was fuming that the presentation wasn’t done by noon.
 
  • Blind Spot:  Not choosing to get absolutely clear on what you can and can’t do under a given set of circumstances, particularly when someone thinks they have given you accountability for something.
  • Hidden Habit:  Assuming others know what is on your plate and will understand the context of an ambiguous statement like “I’ll try, but I can’t promise.”; this leaves a lot of unspoken expectations on the table; potential for misalignment.

A lot...

Bruce was overwhelmed and doing something about it.  He had a lot of work piling up and wanted to avoid doing it in the evenings because he could feel how tired he was and knew the work deserved more than him doing it tired.  His boss also tried to hand off a big client presentation to him, a rush job at the last minute.  Bruce explained that he would have to let something else drop to take that on; his boss frowned, saying she’d see if someone else could do it.  After completing his last video conference of the day Bruce went to the family kitchen to grab a coffee - his son was over-joyed to see him.  “Dad, you’re done work!  We can go on the big bike ride to the river tonight!!”.  Internally Bruce perked up, he’d forgotten about his promise of a big bike ride, and was really looking forward to spending quality time together with his son.  “That’s right bud!  Let’s plan our route.”  Bruce felt work melt away at the joy on his son’s face.
 
  • Blind Spot:  Being clear in communicating is a good start, but may not be enough.  Empathetic communication takes into account both the feelings and needs of the other person so you attend to the emotions behind the request and create more opportunities for win/win.
  • Hidden Habit:  That’s the right place to start.  To take this further, think about ways to include others while also setting their expectations.  Letting your boss know specifically what options are available so you are helping them to make an informed decision will ensure you’re both on the same page and no one is left guessing (or making assumptions about your intent).

Yes, always!

Bruce knew how to avoid getting overwhelmed.  After his divorce he put clear boundaries in place so on the weeks he had his son, he could spend every evening with him.  He also recognized the work he did was important and deserved him at his best.  He kept the work during work hours as much as possible; after a 45-hour work-week he allowed for one or two nights a month (at most) for working overtime, spending the rest on doing things that were relaxing (like cycling and spending time with loved ones).  Today his boss had tried to hand off a last-minute client presentation to him.  Bruce highlighted what he was currently working on, and asked his boss what should be delayed to fit in this last-minute request.  His boss grew thoughtful and said never mind, those items were key and she’d find someone else to do the presentation.  Finished for the day, Bruce went to find his son so they could gather what they needed for the bike ride they’d planned.  He saw his son’s face light up as they prepared for their adventure and thought to himself that this was really what life was all about.
 
  • Blind Spot:  Success! You are working to live, not living to work.  Keep a firm grip on your boundaries so they don’t get eroded over time; it’s easy to get sucked in to long hours through a fantastic, but demanding, stretch assignment or a life change (like the kids getting older and leaving you with more time on your hands).  Keep it real.
  • Hidden Habit:  Remember what work is really all about – creating leisure time so you can enjoy the fruits of your labour, switch off, recharge, and restore your capacity.  All work and no play will make you less insightful and therefore less relevant at work so keep moderating your work and life to have your dream career.