“To Confucius, harmony was consensus, not conformity. It required loyal opposition.”
- Evan Osnos
As a Moderator you invest energy and time on listening, facilitating a common view, heading off conflict. A gifted peacemaker you are of benefit to any team. You’re committed to both the work and the people, easy-going and productive. You shrug off public accolades recognizing your work and dread receiving criticism in front of others (even gentle teasing for forgetting your keys…again). You go along to get along, or mediate agreement to head off disagreement.
Exposure creates compromise when you agree to do something against your better judgment (to keep the peace) and the direction given isn’t reliable, creating perception issues about your work. Quiet and humble, you may be over-looked by others, not consulted or informed about changes impacting your work (being a “wall flower” has it’s drawbacks). Your friendly nature and need for harmony may be taken advantage of, being tasked with undesirable work because you won’t complain.
When feelings of vulnerability from compromise come home you bury them deep, protecting your home life from problems at work. Now sensitive to any harsh realities, you avoid conflict with loved ones, refusing to accept that which cries out to be dealt with by becoming absent and withdrawn (the kids are “hangry” and dinner is still just an idea… but you are preoccupied with finding your missing keys).
Free Your Potential...
You strive for belonging and harmony in your life, so much so you place your needs dead last. Making yourself important means you might stick out and this creates discomfort for you. You don’t even want to fight with your internal critic, who keeps telling you to just go along with what the others want…(she sounds dismissive, tell her to zip it!). Others misunderstand how you express yourself, saying you are indecisive, which really hurts because you do have opinions, and you express them. It‘s just too vulnerable for you to signal others when they don’t listen, so you disappear into tasks (yup, I see you hiding out at your desk, keeping so busy you won’t experience how you really feel).
Aren’t you tired of putting all your energy towards shutting down your feelings and shutting out struggle? The absent-mindedness you experience is not early menopause – it’s a sign of how deeply you’ve depleted yourself trying to make everything comfortable. Ensuring things are simple may feel right (keeping the peace at all costs), but in fact you are turning away from your deep potential by compromising the most important element in all of this – you!
This exposes you to the very thing that creates the most chaos in your life – being placed in a compromising position, unworthy of esteem. Exercise your expertise; correct people, let others hear your strong voice. They need to see you applying your talents for them to be welcomed, guaranteeing you energy and allowing you to be comfortable in your working life.