“…believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”
- Brené Brown
As a Humanist you invest energy and time on liking your co-workers and helping them to like you…and who wouldn’t? Having friends and strong relationships at work make the days enjoyable. You are committed to the people in your life, supporting them, continually cultivating closer relationships by being generous and indispensable (the phrase “I’ll do it“ just pops out). You can handle the workload, the long hours, the competing deadlines - it is worth it so others can be successful and see your worth.
You are compromised when others don’t return your deep commitment, or they take you for granted (even though you always remember their birthdays…and bring in homemade treats). When others don’t make time for you, support your position in a meeting or defend/applaud your work it creates deep hurt, reinforcing your greatest fear; you are not enough. In these moments you try even harder to get a response, and your neediness can drive others away.
When frustration with compromise comes home with you it fuels an even greater need to be loved by doing everything you can for those you love. You may express your mistreatment at work…only you know what is real and what is gentle manipulation to get your loved one’s attention.
Free Your Potential...
Your care and kindness towards others makes you happy; you have many friends (both at work and at home). You are living your values through your life as you make good things happen, whether it is a charity project or meeting an impossible work deadline. People rely on you to put your effort and high standards into things to see them through. Your focus on the needs of others is selfless… too selfless. Staying up until all hours to get things done, powering through your exhaustion because people are counting on you (yup, I see you – you’ve been up late this week).
Do you ever feel taken advantage of because others have figured out that you won’t say “no”? All that focus and time on others keeps you from realizing your full potential. You so rarely express a need that people have stopped offering their help…or gratitude. Anyone brought in a homemade cake on your birthday? Of course not! They can’t match your level of effort so they don’t deliver at all. Learn to ask for, and receive, the support and help of others so they can connect to the real you, the you who has hopes and dreams for herself. “I’ll Do It!“ Barbie has little depth or dimension, so put her away and show others who you really are.
Let them see you and not just your effort. You are worth a whole lot more than simple recognition. Do something for yourself; take a course, develop a new skill that makes work easier or more fun for you. Nurture yourself; what do you want to do with your one precious life? Being able to fulfill your own needs means your working life will start working for you.