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I’ve had the privilege to present to many organizations on a variety of topics relating to the workplace and leadership over the course of this spring. I’ve developed a presentation style one of my colleagues has dubbed “naked presenting” because (where possible) I have abstained from using PowerPoint. Don’t get me wrong, PowerPoint is a wonderful tool, but something happens to a room full of people when there is a bright screen displaying data. I wanted to go deeper with these groups, and deeper I have managed to go. Within the organizations I’ve been privileged to work with we’ve had many robust and faceted discussions on a multitude of important topics. There has been a theme emerging from these discussions and that is the role listening plays in leadership. Whether the topic was delegation, performance management or leading from “where you are” questions have emerged around what to do in certain sticky circumstances and I am sharing some of the lessons here for all of us to use in our professional and personal lives.
The first case for listening was around the theme of giving feedback to individuals. In many cases what that feedback needs to be to support an individual in achieving her/his goals is quite clear. “Sally you were very detailed in your report and that has allowed us to make some key decisions, thanks for your stellar work!” or (conversely) “Sally your report was missing a level of detail we needed to be able to make key decisions, how can I support you in ensuring this is present in your future work?”. However, there are always those times when your gut is telling you to give feedback, and your mind is resisting it. Possibly this occurs because the feedback is something with which you are not comfortable highlighting (you see this a lot around personal hygiene concerns or “personality” issues). Listen to your gut and your mind because it is probable they are both right. If you are not comfortable broaching a subject with someone in your life, especially for the purposes of feedback, it is likely because you do not have enough information to do so responsibly. By engaging the individual in discussion as a starting point (rather then simply providing the feedback) you will be able to provide much richer and contextual information supporting a stronger relationship. As an example, a leader I worked with decided to employ this when he needed to discuss a concern around an employee’s exceptionally bad breath. As it turned out the employee had recently received a health diagnosis that was quite scary and included (as one of it’s symptoms) really pungent halitosis. The manager was able to partner with the employee in figuring out how best to support him while he went through treatment (which was successful). Had the manager simply set out to tell the employee to do something about his poor hygiene the outcome would not have been as positive for either the manager or the employee. That manager (in addition to becoming a convert to the “Hicks Rule of Three”, which I will cover in a moment) gained himself the loyalty of a very talented individual. Another theme that emerged around listening was in relation to “managing up” or helping your boss be more aware of things they ought to know (and don’t seem to). This is the embodiment of a “sticky” situation and many people feel the weight of a “career limiting move” on their horizon when this seems to be the only option. It’s important to ensure what you have in hand is data, as opposed to an opinion. With data in hand any reasonable person will listen to your concerns. Opinions on the other hand tend to be very “career-limiting”. Sometimes the way to get the data is to have a discussion with your manager (as opposed to voicing feedback) – keeping in mind that your manager will have access to information and context that you do not. In approaching this scenario as a way for both of you to learn something new together you’ll keep yourself out of trouble, while highlighting an area of concern and strengthening a working relationship through mutual respect and understanding. So what do all these things have in common? They all require strong listening skills, listen skills that transcend the “mechanics” of active listening. Active listening is a wonderful model to teach people how to listen attentively, but what is required in leadership is something deeper than that. Listening needs to elicit mutual interest and understanding, creating space for all parties to realize something no one has considered. So how do you do that? In addition to listening attentively you can employ something one of my clients has termed “The Hicks Rule of Three”. It’s not complicated, and it isn’t original to me, but it is very powerful when used by anyone who wants to engage in a process of mutually beneficial meaning. Before making pronouncements, statements or sharing data with another person, ask three questions first. What those three questions are will depend entirely on the circumstances and what you need to achieve, and they should be posed in an open and curious way (as an example “What were you thinking?” is neither an open nor curious question). To go back to my earlier example of the manager looking to provide feedback to an employee with bad breath, the first question he asked was “How are you?”, and he asked it in a way that indicated he really wanted to know. Then he listened. What opportunities can you leverage by creating space to listen to (and learn from) the people in your life? You can hear Carleen speak at the Institute of Professional Management Annual Conference in Ottawa on April 16th On “Women in the Workplace; Why Gender Diversity Programs Fail To Meet Targets” (http://www.workplace.ca/events/event.php?id=164). Recently I heard about the value of letting your mind wander; this seemingly unproductive randomization of thoughts and reflections can produce some incredibly productive ideas. Sir Isaac Newton formulated the concept of gravity while letting his mind wander, and many other major scientific and business breakthroughs we take for granted came upon their discoverers at a time when they weren’t really thinking of anything at all.
It seems counter-intuitive, and yet if you think about it, it’s not that farfetched. I colleague of mine reflect that the best life decisions he’s made were solidified when he was on holiday or enjoying some “downtime”, not while he was surrounded by lists of pros and cons or staring at a Gantt chart. The answers came to him in a distinguishable “ah-ha’ moment. Many “ah-ha” moments come to us when we are doing something that requires, well, nothing. Not our time, not our attention, not our input. In a world where we are increasingly valued for what we can produce (or our expertise and insight) it seems misaligned to think that the best ideas may come to us when we are watching waves crashing on sand or following the path of a raindrop down a window. Truth is there are probably many great ideas and concepts floating around in our brains, just out of the reach of our conscious mind. We may brush against these ideas as we move thorough our day, focused on what needs to come next, getting things done, and missing the opportunity to bring them into conscious thought. It’s a little like driving fast on a freeway and then deciding at 120 kmph you’ll do a little unplanned sight-seeing – except you can’t get off the freeway. Driving on a freeway is an apt description of most of our days; busy, productive and (more or less) fully subscribed. So why not plan to get off the “highway” for a while and do absolutely nothing? I’ve recently gone through a very intense training program to teach me something simplistically complicated. A friend of mine (who was also on the course) described what we were undertaking as “learning how to swim by reading the manual…while you are already in the deep water”. In the end it was a very worthwhile undertaking – the simplistic part of it was to sit back and let yourself “soak” in the information you had collected as a way to allow the most relevant and important parts to present themselves. In other words, part of the process requires you to do nothing. It is the part of the process that is the hardest to trust, but the most beneficial. As someone new to periodically trusting the act of “doing nothing” I can attest that it always produces something of immense value. Give it a try. You can hear Carleen speak at the Institute of Professional Management Annual Conference in Ottawa on April 16th On “Women in the Workplace; Why Gender Diversity Programs Fail To Meet Targets” (http://www.workplace.ca/events/event.php?id=164). Flexibility has some keen advantages for those who chose to remain open minded and objective about things, even items where you may initially be experiencing a negative reaction. Individuals who mange this well ask a lot of good questions (rather than beginning a debate, or worse, an argument) to uncover the context and implications of a particular stance or decision before they make a comment or commit to a measure of support. These individuals know they don’t know everything and work towards understanding another person’s perspective before making a decision.
It’s not easy to be this open minded and flexible. However, there are many benefits and advantages to someone who chooses to practice this as she/he are often considered a valuable resource who can further an idea or initiative by being curious and having the ability (bravery, self mastery) to ask non-judgmental questions before posing alternatives or committing to a line of reasoning. These individuals deepen discussion and through that process bring to light things that may become issues down the road, or reveal stakeholders who were not considered, etc. essentially bringing greater strength and value to others. The key is to be non-judgmental. Except that we are all human, so often we are not feeling non-judgmental, we are feeling opinionated and sometimes confused. Maybe even hurt or bothered by a decision or line of thought that we disagree with. There is a conflict within us that can be difficult to navigate, especially in the split second you may have to manage your internal narrative before you are either giving yourself away through body language or need to respond. With this very human reaction we sometimes see particular outcomes; we’ve all worked with the person who often seems negative about ideas or new ways of doing things, or (conversely) the individual who accepts everything at face value keeping everyone happy and the work moving along. Neither of these are ideal. A “negative” person can often see reason; in fact what he/she typically needs (but hasn’t explicitly asked for) is more time and information to fully understand the implication and broad context of a particular item. These individuals are transparent in their reaction and while it can be time consuming, even frustrating, to have to walk through those “additional” steps, as long as the individuals’ pliability shows up with time and thought you are more likely to have a stronger outcome. “Rigid inflexibility” is typically dealt with by most organizations, as it is a behaviour trait that is unsustainable in today’s collaborative working environment. The trait that is harder to “see” at work is the individual who is practicing “rigid flexibility” as a way to cope with their own dissension or to facilitate deadlines. It takes longer to figure out when someone is working more towards maintaining process or harmony then strong outcomes because he/she are often telling us what we want to hear (or what the boss or the group wants to hear). Things move forward, no one has angst or needs to debate. Being open to everything all the time has some negative consequences that don’t show up as quickly as blatant negativity can. This chameleon like effect in a team is sometimes used as a strategy to navigate internal conflict or personal strife that an individual either doesn’t want to deal with or may not know how to deal with. In fact it’s likely something we have all done at one time or another (you do need to pick your battles). However, when it is used as a consistent method to navigate the sticky points in life it can back fire. People who over-practice flexibility often end up with more work, with less information under which to produce the intended result and (worse) paint themselves in a corner where they are expected to consistently be open to requests and changes to plans. These are not “yes-men”, these individuals are not trying to “suck up” and they come from all walks of life and may be found in any part of an organization. Their flexibility means they are open-minded, but not necessarily objective, hence the workload and other unintended results of being too flexible. Like everything else in life balance is key. Being flexible is important; being either consistently rigid or elastic is not going to serve you well in the longer term. What is also important to look at is these types of responses can be situational. As an example someone may be a very elastic parent (i.e. permissive) at home, but exercise a rigid brand of negativity at work. Look at how these traits show up for you in life and determine if they are working for you or if it is time to consider a change. You can hear Carleen speak at the Institute of Professional Management Annual Conference in Ottawa on April 16th On “Women in the Workplace; Why Gender Diversity Programs Fail To Meet Targets” (http://www.workplace.ca/events/event.php?id=164). Extroversion and introversion are concepts that have become more familiar in the working world…in fact sometimes they show in a relationship as early as the introductions. I met a new professional in my network last week and after introducing himself he apologized for seeming reticent because he was an introvert. I found this confession (for that is what it was based on his demeanor) fascinating. It is important to make the distinction between extrovert and introvert; an extrovert (among other things) gains energy from interaction with other people, conversely an introvert finds interaction with others will eventually (or maybe even quickly) drain his/her energy levels. Of note here is the distinction between introversion and shyness; being shy is the feeling of apprehension, a lack of comfort with the setting, or feelings of awkwardness and it can be present for both introverts and extroverts. Introversion is not shyness (my new colleague was likely experiencing shyness in addition to being introverted). I’ve met shy extroverts, know they exist.
So what does introversion and extroversion tell us about ourselves when it comes to the workplace and interpersonal relationships? The interesting thing is it may not be readily apparent if someone is an introvert or extrovert, although it has certainly become more socially acceptable to let people know which one you are as a way to help smooth along the process of learning to work together. However, it is import not to take your natural preference and wear it like a label, using it to excuse certain behaviors, like talking too much or not talking at all. As someone who is a “raging extrovert” I recognized this had drawbacks. While I am comfortable speaking in public, mingling in groups and building comfortable one-on-one interactions with others, extroversion can have its drawbacks as well. I can take up a lot of “space” if I am not careful. I can provide too much information too fast for others to be able to digest and respond to. My body language is expressive, which adds to the information overload. If you watch a raging extrovert in the throws of unawareness you may actually (subtly) see the people around her/him physically shrink back (sit back in their seat, cross their arms, stop making eye contact, etc.). Extroverts can be very charismatic and it is easy to know where you stand when you are speaking/working/living with one, but it carries a measure of accountability with it. With great power comes great responsibility; manage it for all its benefits, but be aware there are disablers as well. Similarly introverts can build capabilities that allow them to comfortably do many of the same things extroverts do, albeit with a measure of energy cost to them. They can speak powerfully in public (check out Susan Cain’s TEDTalk https://www.ted.com/speakers/susan_cain), introverts can “work a room” and build strong relationships. But some introverts may choose to opt out of being participative in meetings, being present but not really “there”. If you tell people enough times you are an introvert they will eventually stop calling for your opinion in meetings or engaging you in important discussions, which can also be a disabler to career and overall well being. Introverts are typically strong listeners, picking up on subtexts and nuances in meetings that others (who may be more directly engaged in debate) may not. However, this is only useful if, as an introvert, you can voice it in a meaningful way that helps the participants to see when they are speaking about exactly the same thing just in different ways (as an example). As with extroversion, introverts also need to be mindful that with great power comes great responsibility. Introversion and extroversion are key components to self-expression that help us (and others) to understand how we may most comfortably express ourselves. Both can be powerful tools in fostering strong interpersonal relationships that enable others to see our authentic selves and build supportive relationships. You can hear Carleen speak at the Institute of Professional Management Annual Conference in Ottawa on April 16th On “Women in the Workplace; Why Gender Diversity Program Fail To Meet Targets” (http://www.workplace.ca/events/event.php?id=164). |
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