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BLOG

EVERYDAY POTENTIAL

Keeping HeaLthy Boundaries

9/11/2019

 
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Boundaries are a necessary part of well-being.  They are also slippery little devils that are at risk of eroding with the pounding of each “wave” of life.  Most of us, and I include myself in this, have a difficult time defending our boundaries without feeling like we’ve failed at something (or failed someone).  It can be excruciating.

Boundaries are commitments we make that ensure we do not infringe on the well-being of others, or our self.  Simple enough.  Enter trade-offs.  Trade-offs are those mitigating circumstances we accommodate to keep the peace (with others or within ourselves).  As an example, I’ll sacrifice my yoga class to watch my son’s hockey practice because it’s important to him that I be there.  However, I’ll sacrifice kiddo’s hockey practice to an urgent deadline at work to meet a client’s needs.  So on, and so forth. 

Trade-off’s present themselves as the little lies we tell ourselves when confronted with competing demands.  They sound like this: “It’s just this Wednesday, the rest of the month I can get to that yoga class.”   “It’s just this one hockey practice, I won’t have urgent deadlines like this all the time…”  Boundaries are the 10,000-foot view, something that is good when looked at as part of the “big picture”, but difficult to practice once you get into the muck of life.

It’s important to pay attention to these rationalizations, because here is the thing; if that yoga class were so important to me, I would find the time.  I find/hold the time needed to get to my son’s hockey.  Notice the pattern?  If it is important to someone else, I’ll be there, so if I am paying attention, the element of sharing an experience with someone is what compels me to commit (and re-commit) to an established boundary. 

Seeing this pattern is key to understanding my own motivations for keeping boundaries in place.  I trade things off all the time, why?  Why do I let work-time over-ride family-time?  What does it give me when I flex that boundary?  What does it take away from me (and others)?  These are very important questions to consider, and a source of rich information.  Are you flexing boundaries out of love or out of fear? 

It is also the act of re-commitment that keeps healthy boundaries in place, because there will always be circumstances where we need to flex a boundary (especially the ones on our time).  What boundaries do you have that are well established and working for you?  Which ones get eroded?  Check in.  You may find the motivation you need to get a healthy boundary working for you more consistently.

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  • Work With Carleen
    • About Carleen
    • Awards
    • Career Strategy Session
    • Coaching Programs >
      • The Art of Influence at Work
      • Your Time By Design
      • Realize Your High Potential
      • Recognizing Your Leadership Potential >
        • Welcome to Recognizing Your Leadership Potential
      • Individual Assessments
      • Customized Coaching
    • Career Transition
    • Services for Organizations >
      • Workshops That Work >
        • Communicating Comfortably in a Virtual Setting Workshop
        • Career Health Check Workshop
        • Leading in Ambiguity Workshop
        • Accomplishing Work Through Others Workshop
        • Leading Teams Virtually Workshop
        • Working Successfully From Home Workshop
        • New Habits for Life Workshop
        • Valued Living Workshop
        • Working Resilience
        • Addressing Conflict Workshop
        • Building A Culture of Trust Workshop
        • Time Management Workshop
        • Business Intelligence of Empathy Workshop
        • Finding Your Leadership Compass Workshop
        • Foundational Conversations Workshop
        • Conscious Conversations Workshop
        • Leading with Emotional Intelligence Workshop
        • Success in A Mulitgenerational Workforce Workshop
        • Networking in A Digital Age Workshop
        • The Psychology of Decisions Workshop
        • Purpose Driven Feedback Workshop
        • Dynamic Team Communication Workshop
      • How do Virtual Workshops Work?
      • Developmental Coaching
      • Online Assessments
      • Group Facilitation
  • Client Stories
  • Blog | Everyday Potential
  • Hello Monday Videos
  • FREEBIE Time Boss Workbook
    • DOWNLOAD Time Boss Workbook
  • Just For You
  • Testimonials
  • Career Resources
  • Life Practices
    • I Feel Angry
    • I Feel Stuck
    • I Am Overwhelmed
    • I Need Self-Compassion
    • Emotions At Work
    • Mindfulness
    • Triggers At Work
    • Naming Emotions
    • I Feel Frustrated
  • Career Health Quiz
  • Working Life Persona Quiz
  • Connect